Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP’s mother being a CF

144 replies

annoyedofrichmond · 29/08/2018 17:29

I’ve lived with DP for about ten years. When we met he had (student) debts and no job, just left university. I owned a house (privileged background, I had a trust fund but always saved it and bought my property) and a sum in the bank through saving. Trustfund stopped when I was 21 but I was working by then.

DP’s sister is going through her second divorce and, as with her first divorce, coming out with very little. The house has not gone up in value in the few years they’ve had it so breaking even on selling it, and not many assets.

DP’s mother has just asked me whether DP and I have wills. I said yes. She then wanted to know what would happen to my house (she called it DP’s house) if DP and I split up Hmm . I just said we weren’t splitting up! She then wanted to know what would happen if DP died Shock because her and DP’s dad are his “legal next of kin”.

WTF?

I think this has come about because of SIL’s
sad predicament but who asks questions like that?!

I started to remind her the house was mine before we met but then shut up, it’s none of her business is it?!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 29/08/2018 20:14

If your partner has lived in house and contributed he has a claim if you split

But the OP's partner hasn't contributed to anything except bills. He wouldn't have a claim.

Original poster
annoyedofrichmond · 29/08/2018 20:15

might be worth you both setting up powers of attorney, to make sure that you would have the legal say over each other's money and healthcare.

Yes, I’ll get onto this. Thanks.

Just thought, if her daughter’s situation (40, single mum, back to living with mil) has prompted this, why? What and why did she think she’d benefit from her daughter’s will?

It’s all very enmeshed if she’s seeing her daughter’s asset loss as her own.

OP posts:
minnierose3 · 29/08/2018 20:16

Yes definitely a CF, OMG!

MissConductUS · 29/08/2018 20:17

We should all of us make wills. All of us.

We got wills after 9/11. A lot of Yanks did. Do not put your family through the stress of having the courts decide how to divide up your assets.

ChimesAtMidnight · 29/08/2018 20:17

Maybe, perhaps maybe, she thinks the house is DP's and is concerned about OP's welfare if they were to split up or if anything were to happen to her son ?
She may even be thinking ahead to when / if children may be involved too ?

Original poster
annoyedofrichmond · 29/08/2018 20:19

Ilikeeyes

They were discussing wills on This Morning....this morning, including what would happen to unmarried couples. Might she have been watching and that triggered the questions?

Ohhhh! Very very likely!

OP posts:
ChimesAtMidnight · 29/08/2018 20:20

annoyedofrichmond Do you have a good relationship with her ?
Perhaps she's not thinking of benefiting but, rather, of you losing out should anything happen to her son ?

chocatoo · 29/08/2018 20:22

Based on the fact that you say you've just never gotten around to it, maybe you should consider getting married as I understand it simplifies things financially?

NameChange30 · 29/08/2018 20:24

Marriage invalidates wills so you should redo them if you get married

Inertia · 29/08/2018 20:26

It true that they are his next of kin though, surely, unless you have a legal arrangement drawn up to cover this? It won’t affect your house, but it could mean them making decisions without your involvement if he has a medical emergency or accident.

Artichoke18 · 29/08/2018 20:31

Why would they not inherit from their son if you both die? When I was single I made sure my mums name was on my pension death duty thing. Why will their son disinherit them?

Holidayshopping · 29/08/2018 20:33

I would get DH to speak to her and find out what was behind it all.

Then make it clear that the house is yours and she/her daughter will not be benefiting at all.

Original poster
annoyedofrichmond · 29/08/2018 20:40

Why would they not inherit from their son if you both die?

We have wills which are very specific. If I die, DP gets everything. If he dies, I get everything. If we both die, everything is split down the middle and “my half” goes to my sister and “DP’s half” goes to DP’s beneficiary (which is not his family, it’s an institution).

I had never thought about POA or health decisions before this thread. Thank you for that. I also didn’t know if we got married thecwills were invalid! Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
annoyedofrichmond · 29/08/2018 20:43

Meant to say, I have no idea why his parents aren’t mentioned in his will. Mine aren’t because they are dead. I only have my sister.

OP posts:
MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 29/08/2018 20:43

They're not invalid if you make them in contemplation of marriage and say so, but it sounds like you didn't. In terms of health, there isn't a set legal definition of 'next of kin' and partner are usually fine, but that's not to say you shouldn't get POAs too.

brokenharbour · 29/08/2018 20:45

I'd be double checking my tea when she's around, she seems very interested in your potential demise!

Artichoke18 · 29/08/2018 20:47

I think disinheriting your parents (and not for a partner) is a massive step - I mean you don't expect to die before them but what a shock for them if he did. Will the institution pay for the funeral, and di they'd bring him up? If they were abusive parents I can understand.

brokenharbour · 29/08/2018 20:47

Ha ha just seen that a pp has had the same thought! Funny we both thought it would be in the tea 😊

Returnofthesmileybar · 29/08/2018 20:48

But also if you both die tomorrow is it set up that your sister gets your house and half of everything in joint names? Because it sounds like some institution could get half your house?

OctaviaOctober · 29/08/2018 20:52

If a woman posting here were in that position 99% of people here would be telling her to do exactly that.

I can't see anything here that states he's in a vulnerable position, or has taken a career hit to birth and raise their children.. Hmm, must read it again...

NameChange30 · 29/08/2018 20:54

“Disinherit ing parents” isn’t a thing, that’s ridiculous! Inheritance goes down through the generations, not up. His parents will probably die before him, and if they don’t, they wouldn’t die long after. You’d pay IT twice for nothing.

MissConductUS · 29/08/2018 20:55

Ha ha just seen that a pp has had the same thought! Funny we both thought it would be in the tea

It was all I could think of that was a near certainty for the OP to be consuming with the cheeky old bat. Wink

Returnofthesmileybar · 29/08/2018 20:57

He also needs to talk to his mother, not talking to her is leaving you yo deal with his shit if he dies, a simple "Hey mum, op said you were asking about wills and "my house", you know the house is ops right? so you won't benefit for it in the event of anyone's death, hopefully nobody dies for a long time but just in case so there is no incorrect expectations"

Original poster
annoyedofrichmond · 29/08/2018 20:58

Returnofthesmileybar Yes, the house would be sold and it would be split straight down the middle. My sister is executor and knows what the wills say.

I don’t mind the institution getting half the house. I had a trust fund, as did my sister, because of my parents deaths. I don’t have children or would do the same thing. It’s only right that my sister benefits if I died. The institution my DP supports is medical and to do with his job and a very very worthy cause.

OP posts:
sleepylittlebunnies · 29/08/2018 21:02

Yes, when you say that upon both your deaths everything is split down the middle is that your house and his savings? Is it after funerals have been paid for?

Health wise you can nominate anyone as your NOK even a friend but upon death if no will then NOK is your closest legal relative. That’s if I’ve properly understood the situation from watching heir hunters.

Swipe left for the next trending thread