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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you cannot clean the house properly in the daytime if you have a three month old

132 replies

Brownieb · 29/08/2018 02:20

Visited friends today with babies the same age as mine (3 months) and their house was spotless. I would have to regularly spend a whole weekend with my partner cleaning to get the house that clean - breastfeeding is proving really time consuming and I like to be able to interact with baby for a bit of time when she is awake. AIBU to expect some mess from my fellow mums ? Or am I being a bit lazy ?

OP posts:

Amanduh · 29/08/2018 06:44

(Obviously that depends on your baby though )

MaggieMcSplash · 29/08/2018 06:57

It depends on how good the baby is really. With DD house was spotless she had two two hours naps a day and maternity leave was bliss. Lots of time for housework and she slept well at night. DS came along and doesn't nap doesn't sleep. House a mess and I'm permanently tired. I've got a cleaner now once every two weeks to help me.

MysteriousQuinn · 29/08/2018 06:58

I have a 5mo and a nearly 3 year old. My house is immaculate, has been since youngest was born. This is because I use cleaning as an excuse to myself to stay in all day because I'm scared to take the kids out on my own. It's not healthy and I feel bad for my kids. I was out pretty much every day before youngest was born and my house was Ok, not a tip but nowhere near as clean as it is now.

Tbh I'd rather have a messy house and be out having fun with my kids but I just can't bring myself to do it.

deepsea · 29/08/2018 07:02

I could only relax when my house was spotless and everything was done. It helped me feel 'together' even on days when I had only managed a few hours sleep the night before.

I used to clean whilst the babies were asleep, have a short rest and then once they were awake we would go out for walks and spend time together in the afternoon. Our routine worked for us. Home in the mornings and out in the afternoon even for a brief walk or to meet friends.

Once they became toddlers, I reversed the routine to going out in the mornings and nap and clean the house in the afternoon. It fitted in with their nap time, and getting up and out first thing was easier.

My best advice is not to start comparing. She likes a clean home, it is less important to you. Otherwise you may come across as though you are judging her. It is possible to spend time with your baby, clean the house and rest in one day. Do what is right for you.

Original poster

Brownieb · 29/08/2018 07:02

Quinn

OP posts:

londonrach · 29/08/2018 07:04

At three month you can as they nap, stay in one place. At two years its harder as they follow you everywhere and untidy faster than you can tidy. Baby stage is the easiest stage as long asyou get your sleep.

Polestar50 · 29/08/2018 07:05

I have an EBF 3 month old and my house looks clean** on the surface.
This is partly because we do ‘have plenty of storage space and are good at throwing shit away’ but mainly because, as Gunpowder Gelatine says, it’s equally important to both of us so my partner picks up the slack.

DinosApple · 29/08/2018 07:05

I never managed it.
I moved into DHs house and he's a bit of a hoarder, and it was a totally new area to me so getting out of the house was pretty appealing.

The people with spotless houses were undoubtedly more organised than me, but their personal circumstances were completely different too. It's not just that every baby is different.

Keeping home tidy is still an ongoing battle, the DC are primary age and these days DH and I both work 6 days a week so it's just basics at present. I am slowly Marie Kondo-ing our stuff though.

Polestar50 · 29/08/2018 07:06

Bold Fail

Original poster

Brownieb · 29/08/2018 07:11

Hmmm ... maybe I should just never invite anyone around and then I can be as messy as I like .... dh tried to help but he really just makes everything worse. At the weekend he wiped down our glossy finish kitchen with a wet cloth to get rid of finger marks. But then obviously you would have to buff the doors ...so they looked worse because they were covered in water marks....

OP posts:

OutPinked · 29/08/2018 07:14

My house was spotless when I only had one baby, yes. It was when I had DC2&3 shortly after that it faltered . Babies sleep a fair amount so I found I had a lot of time on my hands and got bored.

Theresnodisneyending · 29/08/2018 07:19

My first born NEVER slept. For the first few years. As a baby in the first year he would nap for 30 minutes. It would take me exactly 25 minutes to pump his milk, 5 minutes to clean the equipment, then he'd be awake again. He'd wake between 1 and 2 hours every night, during which time I would also have to stay up for an extra 30 mins to pump each time as he was a voracious eater. It was hell. And I certainly never, ever had time to clean! Even now I find it hard to get the energy to do it as the kids wake so much in the night. I found my friends who could get a spotless house were ones with perfect babies lol.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 29/08/2018 07:22

Just depends where your priorities are. I had to a sit and pump, then feed which I’m sure takes longer than breastfeeding and I still managed to keep a spotless house. My DH also manages when he was a stay at home dad to 2 under 3.

JW1226 · 29/08/2018 07:26

I'm not going to lie before I broke up with my partner we lived in a two bedroom house at the time my children where 4 and newborn we lived there for a year, most of the time I'd wait until the kids were bathed and in bed then have a tidy up, I'd do a wash in the day time and also sweep and mop between feeds, by the time my partner got home house was clean! I think routine is key, mind you I was rushing around the house at 5/6 pm but that's how I managed to balance my time xx

cantgetadecentnewname · 29/08/2018 07:27

First your really shouldn’t compare. Everyone and every baby is different.
I’ve got a 3 week old ds and my house is clean, washing done, windows washed blah, blah, blah. I’m self employed so also working part time for a couple of hours in the evening he’s ff so dh has him while. People (neighbours, health visitor,people at work) keep telling me “oh I don’t know how you do it” etc.
Reality is I’ve got no friends to visit or to come and see me which is made worse by the fact I’ve moved to a new area a couple of months ago. I’m no contact with my family due to abuse so don’t see them or have their support. My in laws aren’t that arsed and only seem to come round to put me in my place and make me feel like shit. So doing the cleaning makes me feel better and gives me something to do while ds naps. From 6am till I leave for work and dh gets home ds is the only person I have to talk to.
I’m even a little jealous that you’ve got friends to go and see

blinkineckmum · 29/08/2018 07:31

Honestly, with a 3 month old, 4 year old and 2 year old I could keep my house clean. When I only had the eldest it was dead easy. But I guess it depends on the baby.

NonaGrey · 29/08/2018 07:34

You think it must have taken her hours because that’s how long it would take to get yours looking like that from where you are now. (Putting stuff away, finding places for things etc)

But lots of people are naturally tidy and so keep it tidy all the time with minimal effort and activity. If their house has always been tidy and they both keep it that way there isn’t hours and hours of work involved.

And if it’s tidy, it’s easier to keep clean.

Allegorical · 29/08/2018 07:40

Seriously get a cleaner. On new baby no three. Theee kids under 5now. at least one is going to school but I now need to factor the school run into everything. Still want to do baby classes, coffees out with number three. I don’t do staying in well. My standards have got lower and they weren’t massively high to begin with.
A cleaner is an absolute must. I can only afford once every two weeks so that’s how often the bathrooms get cleaned and floors get hoovered, mopped apart from a bit of sweeping in between. Tell myself it’s good for their immune system.
Have a mad tidy up before the cleaner comes so she can just focus on the cleaning.
I do use a sling to let me get on with things. As my baby with cry all morning otherwise.
Whenever my mum pops in she does a quick kitchen tidy up while tutting at me or entertains the kids for half an hour while I do jobs. I love her.
I have lots of washing baskets, one for each room, and a lot of the clothes go straight from dryer to baskets to on the kids back to washing machine!
Plus everyone tidies up before friends come round, sure they have their messy days.

Thursdaydreaming · 29/08/2018 07:44

Don't worry about it! For some people with sleepy babies, it's easy. With fussy babies, it's harder /impossible. You do you, and don't judge others either way, ie, her house is messy eww, or, her house is too clean, she must have her priorities wrong or have a cleaner.

Unless I sit indoors waiting for baby to take 30 min naps- how do I wash the floors, clean bathrooms and kitchen etc. I guess most people seem to use a cleaner for that ?

On this though, you don't need to spend 30 minutes solid on one room. It takes five minutes to wipe the bench and put away dishes, then later spend five minutes vaccuming (just living areas and kitchen), later five minutes to clean toilet and wipe off sink, etc. Over the day you can do a lot. I think if you wait for the perfect long solid block of time to clean, it may never come and you will go under!

CarlGrimesMissingEye · 29/08/2018 07:49

With my daughter it was impossible as she wanted to be physically attached to me all day and didn't sleep except on top of me. It was exhausting and impossible.

With my son it was a piece of cake as he napped in his Moses quite happily and I could vacuum without waking him.

It really does depend on your baby. Don't sweat it if you have one that's harder to work around. It balances in the end.

Fireworks91 · 29/08/2018 07:49

One 3 month old ? Easy peasy. Even with 3 our place isn't too bad, the key is not toouch stuff, and little and often.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 29/08/2018 07:50

DS2 liked to be carried in the sling. Pop him in and clean. Sorted. All went a bit pear shaped when I returned to work but house was lovely on mat leave

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 29/08/2018 07:55

Maybe she just cleaned the room (s) visitors were going to and the other rooms are complete shit tips. That's what I do

Whyyounoeatmypie · 29/08/2018 08:01

Hahaha we did zero cleaning at that age. Too busy feeding, catching naps whenever we could and cuddling/gazing at him the rest of the time. Got a cleaner but we are lucky to be able to afford that option.

Original poster

Brownieb · 29/08/2018 08:10

Checking out the organised Mum method- maybe if I blitz the house then use this after I can get a good balance.

OP posts:

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