To think you cannot clean the house properly in the daytime if you have a three month old

[Brownieb]

Visited friends today with babies the same age as mine (3 months) and their house was spotless. I would have to regularly spend a whole weekend with my partner cleaning to get the house that clean - breastfeeding is proving really time consuming and I like to be able to interact with baby for a bit of time when she is awake. AIBU to expect some mess from my fellow mums ? Or am I being a bit lazy ?

The thought ever occurred to anyone that her husband cleaned?

They're not awake for so little time that you can't clean at 3 months. Mine followed me round the house in their bouncy chair, except DD2 who couldn't suck properly and wasn't on mixed bf and ff yet, so I was pretty much constantly bfing her.

Hi. I'm a mum of one child who is now 13 (I had PND so could not face having any more). I still remember very vividly those first few to 12 months.

My answer would be: prioritise yourself and your baby, and it's amazing what you realise is secondary. It's wonderful that it's no trouble for some mums to do everything (even run a business) on top of caring for an infant etc. But you never really know someone's circumstances. And frankly, anyone who is doing it all and more may well be on the bipolar spectrum - or that's what my psych would say. (It's amazing how much you can get done when you are in the midst of a good bit of hypermania! And people with bipolar - an illness I have - are often undiagnosed as they never go to the doctor for the hypermania, just the depression.)

In Oz, around 1 in 5 mothers suffer from PND (postnatal depression) or a mental illness brought on by having a child. It's often called the "smiling depression" because the mums become expert at hiding it from friends etc. My experience with PND was that if I was to survive (and avoid hospital) I had to do good things for me when my baby was sleeping. It's a message that I think all mums would be wise to take in.

Catching up on missed sleep (a biggie early on), sitting outside on the verandah having a cuppa, watching a favourite tv show or reading a good book - are just some great ideas. Yes - there are a few bare minimum things that really must get done by someone - like cooking the dinner or cleaning the loo, but a lot of other things aren't that urgent. My partner would take care of putting the wash on, but if I couldn't get it out on the line on a particular day he could put it on clothes horses inside to dry. Dinner can be really simplified when needed - healthy toasted sandwiches or an omelette or good old tacos are great. And baked beans on toast supplemented with the bare bones of a salad can be the best idea on days when you are really struggling. And maybe dinner preparation has to wait until hubby is home so that one of you can cook,while the other looks after bub. For a while, my hubby & I would have to take turns just to EAT our dinner!

The other crucial thing - whether you're PND-free or not - is to give yourself lots of pats on the back for everything you manage in a day. Just looking after an infant or young child is a remarkable achievement! If you start going back to work you will likely realise that most jobs are much less stressful and demanding! The worst thing that mums can do is to compare themselves with others, or compare others with themselves. We're all different, with different needs and different strengths, and our babies are the same.

I was in a PND support group and it was fascinating to hear how many of us found "new parents/mums groups" less than helpful - because of all that comparison that goes on, or the exchanged glances etc etc.

If you and your baby/children and partner are getting their basic needs met PLUS a good dose of love (most especially for the little ones) then tell yourself you're "bloody marvellous"! Because you are ;)

Mine was spotless. My friends weren't necessarily so. It's a lifestyle thing. As long as everyone is fed and happy it really is an individual thing.

My routine atm is to wake up at 6 - shower, makeup. Feed baby and burp. Dress and eat. Feed baby and burp. Go out to get food or a class or meet someone etc (totally necessary to stop cabin fever). Feeding intermittently during this time. Get home baby has longer nap. Do washing, do dishwasher, tidy a bit, make dinner (slow cooker normally), put clothes away from tumble dryer. Then baby cluster feeds all evening. Bath the baby, put baby to bed, change myself into pjs, was and sleep.

Unless I sit indoors waiting for baby to take 30 min naps- how do I wash the floors, clean bathrooms and kitchen etc. I guess most people seem to use a cleaner for that ?

Never underestimate the power of family help. That's what I learned by visiting friends with new babies and pristine houses.

I think some people are better at keeping their house in order, with a combination of having good habits in place and prioritising housework.

However, babies vary HUGELY. I could achieve almost nothing with my firstborn. My second was a walk in the park. When she wasn't sleeping, she was happy to sit in a bouncy chair watching the world. It was at that point that I understood how some of the other mums had accomplished so much more than I had!!

Another story along similar lines: When my first child was a toddler, my partner and our friends went out with our child for a couple of hours, leaving me with the friends' young baby to look after. I wanted to get a snack for myself, so I set the baby down for a minute to rush into the kitchen and grab something. "I'll be right back!" I assured her. She didn't cry. I looked around the corner after a moment and she was sitting there happily. So I took my time to make a sandwich - more than five minutes. I kept peering around the corner to check on the baby. She still wasn't crying. So I quickly washed up a few plates from earlier in the day and put a load of washing on, checking constantly on the baby. She still wasn't crying. I couldn't believe it. I realised why her mum had been able to carry on with a significant amount of work in the family business! While the parents weren't smug about this, I don't think they'd had a clue how good they had it. When their second child arrived and was very different, they rang me shell-shocked to tell me how tough they were finding it.

I was always quite happy to chill out with the babies. They were as laid back as me. When they napped I'd be doing stuff. And in the afternoon I took them out. Park friends and back.
There's no book about it. What works for you works for the baby vice versa. As long as you are all happy.
And congratulations. Enjoy every minute. Bugger everything else.
We used to go back to bed after breakfast sometimes
Just enjoy it

yabu. I don't think 3 month olds are that time consuming. I had plenty of time to do whatever I liked around the house even with DC1, who was a very slow feeder. Unless you live in a mansion you should have the time to keep your house clean!

I am by no means particularly house proud or skilled at housework but our house was pretty spotless when DS was 3 months old because He was an easy baby and I was on maternity leave. They also don't really make mess as they don't do much. I was also breastfeeding and so no bottles to prepare or tidy and DH couldn't feed and so he had time for housework.

Now DS is a toddler it is a different story.

At 3-4 months my house looked amazing. Then once she started moving and leaving crap everywhere the place was a tip. Now at 2 we’re struggling with demanding jobs, long commutes and a whirlwind child.we really need a cleaner. On the plus side she now likes using the bin so at least she puts food in it. She went through a phase of hiding banana skins in her toys.

Your friend’s amazing house might soon be a shit tip (or she prioritises it and it will remain nice but that isn’t as comforting!)

@Saracen
Your anecdote about the non-crying baby made me smile as I too have had similar experiences. My two were definitely not happy to just be put down (asleep or awake) and required pretty much constant holding otherwise they would scream the house down. I have a friend with a baby that is incredibly easy going and I just couldn't get over it when the baby would just lie happily on the playmat for what seemed like ages. It is truly shocking how different babies can be and although the parents with the easier type of babies tend to think it's something they've done, in my experience it's luck of the draw and even siblings subjected to similar parenting can have completely different temperaments.

OP don't stress too much about getting the cleaning done in the daytime. Having a baby can be hard and isolating and it's important that you look after yourself and don't feel pressure to be productive every waking minute. Getting out in the fresh air, making sure you eat properly and catching up on missed sleep are all important aspects of self care that can make a difference to your mental and physical well-being. You are not wrong to prioritise this over being super efficient at cleaning your house or doing other domestic chores.

Impossible with DC1, easy with DC2. DC2 slept a lot and was happy to sit in a baby bouncer for long stretches.

Having said that...I have a cleaner

My husband does some cleaning and I do the rest during the day. I have a newborn and a 4 year old but my house is spotless. If you are short on time look up the organized
Mum method and have a go. 30 mins max a day housework is all I do because I follow this plan

All depends on the baby. With my first there was no way I could have taken care of myself let alone the house. No way! My second is now 5 weeks old and I'm cooking dinner and vacuuming around him, doing the dishes and dusting. He sits quietly in his vibrating chair and just needs a pat or a there there every now and then. I still can't believe it! So, it all depends!

When my DC1 was a few months old he really enjoyed sitting in his bouncy chair watching me clean! The house still wasn't spotless because that's not my thing, but it could have been. It got harder as he got older that's when I got a cleaner

She's probably wondering how you manage to find time to put make up on.

Everyone prioritises differently, has different help etc etc. But the things you mention don't take that long, it doesn't have to take 'all weekend' of cleaning.

Little and often, floors, bathrooms, kitchens, dusting, one task a day on rotation means everything gets done once or twice a week and dirt doesn't build up to significant levels.

No chance with DD who screamed bloody murder if I put her down ever. I could have with DS, who loves sleep and would happily watch from a bouncy chair, but i had DD by then and she was and is like a Tasmanian devil.

My house was always spotless when DS was 3 months. It was a pretty easy age for me, he was a pretty good sleeper in the night so I wasn't over tired in the day and I cleaned when he napped.

When DS was a toddler though that's a different matter. My house was a state. He's 5 now and I've only just managed to get it back under control.

This thread is so depressing.
Dust if you must...

I agree with encourager. My 2nd DC was a very, very difficult baby who hardly ever slept, woke at the slightest noise (making vacuuming and emptying dishwasher etc impossible) and seemed to nearly constantly be BFing or crying. When she slept I NEEDED to claw back some me time and energy.

Is there someone at home that can help? Your DP or Mum? It sounds like you're doing the bulk of it, can someone else not to the floors once a week? If not you could think about trying to get into a routine. You can try this....theorganisedmum.blog. I think the idea is you dedicate half an hour to the house a day and get everything done.

I think it's more difficult to be tidy when you have a 1 year old following behind you leaving a trail of crumbs/pulling drawers out/unravelling toilet roll/smearing stuff everywhere etc than it is cleaning when there's a 3 month old in the house. I would be prepared to let things slide a bit and focus on enjoying your baby and looking after yourself. Don't feel that housework should be your priority. So what if tour friend has a clean house, comparison is the theif of joy.

I would say she probably spends far more time cleaning than you because the house being spotless is a top priority....or she has a cleaner.

Housework has never and will never be at the top of my priority list. There are so many more interesting things to do than clean stuff in my estimation. However, we all place value on things in different ways...if someone needs to have everything room in the house clean and tidy to function then that’s how they are. I’m more of a ‘dust if you must’ person myself.

To each their own.

I agree with the PP, this thread is depressing.
I would say breast feeding and interacting with your baby would take precedence over cleaning. And as said earlier, looking after your own mental health by getting out and about is important.
As long as the basics get done in the early months, you can find a system that works for you.
I know people who got a cleaner, or who had family members come and help out a lot. And some partners are more supportive than others in sharing the workload.

Mine was very tidy with a baby.

Now sadly with a 2yo it’s not

I think about three months was actually the easiest stage for me to keep the house clean. Not in the crazy shocked newborn stage, less naps but for longer, they can’t move, a baby gym etc will keep them enthralled, they’re not as needy as a three week old milk wise... when they can move it’s the hardest 😂