Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get a tattoo with step daughters name but not my daughters?

83 replies

SailAwayWithMeHuni · 27/08/2018 21:58

Ok so this is a reverse and relates to my niece and her stupid dad.

DN doesn’t know how to tell her dad she is upset that he is getting a tattoo with his step daughters name but not hers.

I’d personally be direct and tell him how cruel it is but he is stupid and he and his wife will twist everything to make out my niece is in the wrong somehow.

Any of you wise mumsnetters have any advice on how to handle this?

OP posts:
ThanksHunkyJesus · 27/08/2018 22:06

Depends on their relationship really. I wouldn't get involved.

Lucked · 27/08/2018 22:08

How old in the daughter?

Candyflip · 27/08/2018 22:09

Why is he doing that? Is the SD dead? It seems so strange.

Original poster
SailAwayWithMeHuni · 27/08/2018 22:10

In case I wasn’t clear, I don’t intend to speak to him myself.

My niece knows she needs to tell him she’s upset so I’m asking for advice on what I should say to her/ what she should say to him.

Personally I think she should go no contact with the waste of space but she wouldn’t want to do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
SailAwayWithMeHuni · 27/08/2018 22:11

Both daughter and step daughter are 13 and nope no one has died.

OP posts:
EmUntitled · 27/08/2018 22:11

On the face of it, it seems like dad is being unreasonable. But its difficult to say without knowing the full story. Is dad very close to stepdaughter and lives other side of the world to daughter, for example?

If it were my dad I would go with the jokey approach "so where is the tattoo of my name going?" But it totally depends on their relationship.

foodiefil · 27/08/2018 22:13

She needs to tell him exactly how she feels with someone else with her to support her

He sounds like a total knob for what it's worth

BlackWatchBelle · 27/08/2018 22:14

Does his daughter live with him? Sounds a bit like he is making a nice new family with new wife and stepdaughter. So cruel to do that.

sue51 · 27/08/2018 22:16

I dislike tattos in general and his choice to exclude his DD is cruel. I think she should tell him how this makes her feel, maybe put it in a letter so he cant interrupt her and put his own spin it. Does she live with her dad?

DC2018 · 27/08/2018 22:17

It's a difficult one as you are getting the info second hand from DN. It depends on their relationship, are they close or does she not see him often? If her dad is your brother I would bring it up on her behalf and ask about the tattoo and if he isn't getting her name ask why. He may just of been winding her up and her name is a surprise or something. If not her asking him may end up hurting her more depending on his response so as an adult I would get involved I don't care if it's none of my business, if it's hurting my DN I would get involved x

tenredthings · 27/08/2018 22:18

I think it sounds tacky, tell your niece she's having a lucky escape. Maybe she can biro "where's my name " in the same place on her body to make a point.

tabulahrasa · 27/08/2018 22:19

I’d ask him myself... dead bluntly tbh

DN says you’re getting a tattoo with DSD’s name and not hers? Surely she’s got it wrong? You’d not be that insensitive?

GreenGingerAndRum · 27/08/2018 22:27

Really she’s had a lucky escape, he sounds like an idiot, and tattoos are pretty grim.

sourpatchkid · 27/08/2018 22:27

He's a knob, asking him won't help. He will come up with some bullshit that doesn't explain it because he can't explain it.

Just let her know it's no reflection on her. She's great, he's the Idiot

foodiefil · 27/08/2018 22:29

Agree with @sourpatchkid

He sounds like the kind of arse who will charm his way out of it and your DN needs love, affection and attention from the people who truly care about her

Myheartbelongsto · 27/08/2018 22:29

weird

nearlythesummer · 27/08/2018 22:33

What ever the situation of where they live and with whom, that man is her dad and its incredibly cruel of him to just get one of their names tattooed and not the other. I can't believe any parent could scoop so low.

Branleuse · 27/08/2018 22:33

I would speak to him myself on my nieces behalf. This just cannot happen. Its weird and very insensitive. You have to say something

BewareOfDragons · 27/08/2018 22:34

I can't think of a single reason why a dad would do this, put the name of his step child and not his own child on his body permanently if they're both still in his life ...

Unless he wants his daughter out of his life.

She needs to ask him why he's doing this and then probably go NC.

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 27/08/2018 22:35

What a dreadful human being her dad is. Thoughtless and hurtful. She needs to be brave and ask him outright. Why are you getting a tattoo of xxxx ? Most people don't like being confronted and challenged and he wont expect it, he will probably not know what to say. I feel for her...

JenBarber · 27/08/2018 22:36

His body, his choice.

nancy75 · 27/08/2018 22:40

his body, his choice really? REALLY?? Yes fuck it, who cares how his teenage daughter feels as long as he is happy.

pilates · 27/08/2018 22:46

I think she needs to just come out and say to her dad are you getting my name tattooed aswell.

ourkidmolly · 27/08/2018 22:46

What a shit.

funinthesun18 · 27/08/2018 22:47

How bizarre Confused I can understand having his daughter’s name tattooed on him but not his stepdaughter’s, but the other way around seems extremely odd.

Swipe left for the next trending thread