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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get a tattoo with step daughters name but not my daughters?

83 replies

SailAwayWithMeHuni · 27/08/2018 21:58

Ok so this is a reverse and relates to my niece and her stupid dad.

DN doesn’t know how to tell her dad she is upset that he is getting a tattoo with his step daughters name but not hers.

I’d personally be direct and tell him how cruel it is but he is stupid and he and his wife will twist everything to make out my niece is in the wrong somehow.

Any of you wise mumsnetters have any advice on how to handle this?

OP posts:
Gersemi · 28/08/2018 00:25

This is exactly one occasion when you should speak to him yourself, so that he and his wife can't turn it against your niece. I think Tabulahrasa's approach is a good one.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/08/2018 01:13

What kind of a grown man gets tattoos anyway?

Well it's illegal for children to get them...

MorseandLewis · 28/08/2018 04:57

Bit creepy? Do you have any concerns about his relationship with his dsd?

NotAgainYoda · 28/08/2018 05:04

A lasting memory of what went wrong in his relationship with his daughter

Yes.

I also agree that an adult should intercede for her here.

NotAgainYoda · 28/08/2018 05:05

He sounds like an utter arsehole to even think this is remotely OK, so I wouldn't hold out much hope

MissP103 · 28/08/2018 06:55

Yanbu this is cruel. How on earth will he be able to justify this. Well your Dn will have this feeling permanently etched in her mind and it will greatly affect their relationship. It tells you exactly the type of person he is.

OutPinked · 28/08/2018 08:03

What kind of a grown man gets tattoos anyway?

Well it's illegal for children to get them...

^ Grin.

If it’s your brother, tell him what a twat he is rather than expecting DN to do it.

Original poster
SailAwayWithMeHuni · 28/08/2018 08:15

He is not my brother, thank god.

The only back story is that he has always been a waste of space father/ human. Never paid my sister any child support, always let DN down etc.

This actually all came to light when DN, her dad, his wife and step daughter were on holiday together for a few days. Apparently they kept on and on about it, even stopping in every tattoo shop to get quotes!

DN has also stated she doesn’t want her mum to say anything as she knows he’ll just accuse her mum of making it up to start drama and stop him seeing DN (which she would never do).

Upon reflection of some of your responses I think the most subtle way to try and say something is actually for my sister to text and ask if it is true or has there been a misunderstanding that he is getting a tattoo with his step daughters name on it.

OP posts:
ALittleBitofVitriol · 28/08/2018 08:24

Your poor DN. If I was her mother, I'd be tempted to draw up a big DD name tattoo, dripping with cheesy sentiment, and ask scumbag father for his opinion...

Aeroflotgirl · 28/08/2018 08:27

He sounds like a knob of the highest order, that is sending a clear message to his dd, that you are not important enough to me, not worthy, way to go to fuck her up why don't you. Does she still want to see her dad or have a relationship with him? How old is she?

SinkGirl · 28/08/2018 08:39

So he lives with the stepdaughter and not husband daughter?

Is he one of those dads that plays the amazing Disney dad to DSD and has barely anything to do with his own DD?

I can imagine the type.

SinkGirl · 28/08/2018 08:40

*and not his actual daughter?

Stupid phone.

diddl · 28/08/2018 08:49

"is he having the tattoo to somehow prove he cares about the Step daughter as much as his DD? "

That's what I thought.

Does she live with her mum?

Is it more to do with his step daughter living with him as a family?

AlFrescoFiasco · 28/08/2018 08:50

"DN, her dad, his wife and step daughter were on holiday together for a few days. Apparently they kept on and on about it, even stopping in every tattoo shop to get quotes!"

Ugh, what an utter shit! Poor DN.
Has he adopted his DSD? Been her step-dad since she was a wee baby? Not that it makes it any less hurtful for your DN. Just trying to understand why he'd do this.

MorseandLewis · 28/08/2018 08:50

Does he demonstrate any grooming behaviour?

user838383 · 28/08/2018 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tinstar · 28/08/2018 08:56

Good question Morse

purits · 28/08/2018 08:57

Forget the father - DN needs to work on the step sister.
Drip honey/poison into her ear for a few months and persuade her, as an act of teenage rebellion, to adopt a new name.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Helmetbymidnight · 28/08/2018 09:00

I imagine he was saying it to wind her up. What a tosser.

You could say ‘dn told me you were winding her up about getting a tattoo of xx - I told her you’re not that much of an idiot, right?!’

MaisyPops · 28/08/2018 09:04

*So he lives with the stepdaughter and not husband daughter?(
Is he one of those dads that plays the amazing Disney dad to DSD and has barely anything to do with his own DD?
This sounds like it.
Get a tattoo of step daughter name so new partner can turn to her ex and say we'll Mike is more of a dad than you'll ever be because he has a tattoo of her name.

Put it this way, who insecure must the bonds be that he is getting a tattoo of a child that isn't his own and not his own cjild? A tattoo won't fix that situation.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 28/08/2018 09:09

"Why the fuck are you getting a tattoo with the name of a teenage girl you aren't related to? Do you WANT to look like a paedo? I mean you've always been a useless, inconsiderate cunt of a father but I never thought that."

Either he is being needlessly cruel to his daughter or his relationship with is step daughter is starting to cross the line into inappropriate.

supercalifragilistic2 · 28/08/2018 09:13

Is he not trying to show the stepchild that she is an important part of his life? Whilst accidentally upsetting his own daughter at the same time.

Maybe mention something to him along the lines of Niece says your getting a tattoo with x's name on, are you planning a tattoo with niece's name as well? Don't let the 13 year old confront her own dad over this.

whoaskedyou · 28/08/2018 09:39

This is all kinds of weird. Does your DN really want her name tattooed on her Dad or is it more about equality with the SD? Maybe convince her it's a naff thing to do anyway. Tattoo shopping on holiday may not actually lead to getting one (if I've read this right it's just talk at the moment) so maybe this will blow over. Your sister/the Mum should have a word with him about his favouritism and insensitivity though.

Perfectly1mperfect · 28/08/2018 09:48

I think in time your niece will realise that her dad is a waste of space. Any dad that spends their money on a tattoo but not on paying for their child is a twat. In time she will be glad that this person doesn't have her name tattooed on him. Can't stand the type of parents who don't actually parent but have meaningless tattoos, post photos and comments on Facebook etc. They are worse than the ones who just don't bother at all.

Jux · 28/08/2018 12:10

Just for that, I'd get a tattoo with her name. Would you consider that? Would your sister? Would any other relatives?

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