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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get a tattoo with step daughters name but not my daughters?

83 replies

SailAwayWithMeHuni · 27/08/2018 21:58

Ok so this is a reverse and relates to my niece and her stupid dad.

DN doesn’t know how to tell her dad she is upset that he is getting a tattoo with his step daughters name but not hers.

I’d personally be direct and tell him how cruel it is but he is stupid and he and his wife will twist everything to make out my niece is in the wrong somehow.

Any of you wise mumsnetters have any advice on how to handle this?

OP posts:
Itsear · 27/08/2018 22:47

That is very insensitive, name tattoos are cheap and nasty looking but to only have one of the children’s names done makes it even more shit.

MsJolly · 27/08/2018 22:47

TBH I would get involved and ask so she doesn't have to...
"Hey insert twats name DN seems to think that you're having a tattoo of DSDs name but not one of hers. I realise obviously that she must have got it wrong because I know that you would never do something so hurtful and insensitive to your own daughter but I think you might need to think about things and talk to her as she is very upset."
And stand back for the blustering explanation!

onetimeposter · 27/08/2018 22:48

I think it's weird A F that a woman would want a man who isn't her child's father to have that child's name tattooed on him.
In fact I'd be adamantly against it.

LuluJakey1 · 27/08/2018 22:49

Tattoos are hideous and he sounds pretty awful.

Whipsmart · 27/08/2018 22:50

If she has a stepfather she could tell her dad she's getting his name tattooed on her!

pallisers · 27/08/2018 22:50

His body, his choice.

Yeah. and then people judge you for your crap choices and your relationships don't recover from those crap choices.

If it were my dad I would say "I find it very very odd that you would tattoo your stepdaughter's name and not your daughter's. Why is that?" But tbh I suspect he is a crap father and this isn't news to your niece - so I probably wouldn't bother but would make it a funny story I told my friends (and therapist) about my deadbeat, useless dad.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 27/08/2018 22:51

She should speak to him but she is a child so someone (her mum?) Should be with her. It doesn't matter if the stepmum twists it, it's not important what happens afterwards but she needs to have been able to stand up and say she is not happy and why.

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 27/08/2018 22:52

This is bizarre and I’d love to know his logic behind this.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 27/08/2018 22:53

LuluJakey1 She didnt ask for random people's opinions on tattoos. The man who is getting tattoo isn't going to hear you and he probably doesn't care what you think anyway.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/08/2018 22:57

What does her mum think

And either your niece needs to say to dad. Where’s my name going ?

Or you need to say to brother why only one child. Step or not. Both names or no names

Chocolate50 · 27/08/2018 23:02

is he having the tattoo to somehow prove he cares about the Step daughter as much as his DD? I think if it were me I would say to the DD to tell her Dad that she is very hurt by him doing this, and say how it makes her feel, and why. That's all she can do, I would suggest she does this in a non confrontational way, ie so she doesn't start an argument with him, this will make it worse, if he starts to argue then she needs to have a quick way out, so plan it when she can get away quickly if she needs to.
It does sound odd, maybe he is an ignorant pig & doesn't deserve his DD, but she will blame herself because kids always do, how hurtful for her, I hope he gives her a good explanations, as I said , my guess is that he is somehow trying to prove his commitment to his SD, and hasn't even thought of how this comes over to his DD, no excuse but that might be an explanation

BuntyII · 27/08/2018 23:14

Is this your brother? Tell him he's being a fucking knob.

AngelsOnHigh · 27/08/2018 23:17

Is it only me, or does this sound a bit creepy to anyone else?

Littlechocola · 27/08/2018 23:18

A lasting memory of what went wrong in his relationship with his daughter.

CoolCarrie · 27/08/2018 23:22

Creepy and he is an arse!

WomanWise · 27/08/2018 23:50

Very creepy! I would not be envying this if it where my dad, I’d be questioning the relationship or intent with the SD.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 27/08/2018 23:54

Very wanky behaviour

HeddaGarbled · 28/08/2018 00:02

I think she needs some adult support with this one. Can you tell him how awful this is? Could your niece’s mum do it? Any other family member?

Best to check the facts first though.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 28/08/2018 00:05

Agree with others this is creepy. Why would a stepdad do this?

WellThisIsShit · 28/08/2018 00:06

He’s doing a fab job at showing his daughter how little she means. I wouldn’t be surprised if she felt completely ‘replaced’ by the step daughter who is now the one he adores.

Terribly unfair how such a worthless saddo nonetheless has the power to leave an innocent young teen bereft and probably filled with self doubt and blame. He shouldn’t have such power over others, it’s really not at all fair. Poor kid.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/08/2018 00:10

Creepy and he is an arse!

Yup to this.

Singlenotsingle · 28/08/2018 00:10

He's being U to get any sort of tattoo. Gross and an embarrassment. I should think his DN would be pleased ...

DistanceCall · 28/08/2018 00:16

Wow. Yes, she should tell him that she's upset.

What an idiot (her dad).

Beeziekn33ze · 28/08/2018 00:20

Has this daft and heartless plan come from her dad's new partner?

Rebecca36 · 28/08/2018 00:21

What kind of a grown man gets tattoos anyway? Even more weird that it's his stepdaughter's name. If he hasn't yet got it, I'd have a word with him. Yeuch, revolting.