Ex-Husband demanding 50/50 child benefits

[ILikePaperHats]

My ex and I have been discussing a possible future arrangement where we take care of the kids (DS10 and DS4) one week on, one week off, I.e. a 50/50 split in childcare. Currently they are with me 4 nights and my ex 3 nights every week. He pays £200 a month in maintenance for our two sons and I pay for clothes, shoes, uniform, school dinners, school trips, and most after school activities. I receive about £660 in child tax credit/working tax credit. My ex says he should be entitled to half of all my benefits if we do an equal share of childcare. I have got used to receiving this income and I am reluctant to share it out especially when I pay for most of the kids' things. Who do you think is right here? Thanks

@Talith child benefit can be paid to either parent. It's up to the parents to agree who should get it for each child.

If the parents are in separate households, like in this case, then it makes sense for the parent earning under 50K to claim it. If they both do they should claim for separately for a child each to maximize payments. It cannot be split.

Maintenance shouldn’t be paid with 50:50 access.

You need to inform tax credits you are having less access and they will be adjusted. ExH also should make a claim for his weeks. CB should be split. He should buy clothes and uniform for his weeks and pay for any school trips etc that occur during his weeks too.

Two children, two parents, 50/50 care arrangement...

You claim for one child, he claims for the other. No maintenance payable, you each pay for the things the kids need at your own home and try to come to an agreement for divvying up the rest (school shoes, school trips etc). Simple.

My career had to be put on the back burner to have our children, so why shouldn't I be financially compensated for that by getting the benefits?

State benefits aren't 'compensation'.

Is he intending to do the school run on his weeks? Or is he still expecting you to do them and he will just take over when he finishes work?

I agree that you should get proper advice, but also consider the stuff that you know and we don't, such as: how much of a prick is this man? Is his motivation for suggesting this arrangement purely down to wanting more money for himself (while not taking on any more responsibility for DC)? I think that. given his request for half your tax credits (which are to do with your income and not his) it may be this. In which case be careful what you agree to as you don't want to be left with the shitty end of the stick ie he gets all the financial benefit and doesn't uphold his end of the arrangement.

child benefit it paid per child, you can’t claim twice for the same child.

I know a couple who do shared care, they claim ChB for one child each and theoretically split the other costs 50/50, although in practice this is a bit of a push pull as one (my friend) thinks she is really hard done by and should be getting maintenance as she pays rent but the father pays a mortgage (no it doesn’t wash, she could have bought a property with the divorce proceeds like he did, she chose to rent and blow the money) and lumps all the costs on the kid’s father and thinks that’s fair. They both earn the same within a couple of hundred £ per annum.

I think the difficulty here is the idea that you’re used to the income, maintenance included, and that therefore you should retain it. Sadly that isn’t how it works, as your benefits are based on you having the children. If you relinquish ChB for one child to him, your entitlement to Tax Credits will reduce accordingly.

If he would be eligible for TC if he had one lot of ChB, I think there is a discussion to be had as to why you should keep claiming all that income when he has equal care of the children. If his income is over the TC threshold and therefore he would not benefit further than the £20/wk ChB, I think you should keep claiming as is and certainly should not give him any of the money.

If his income is higher than the TC threshold then you could still be due maintenance from him. My friend as above enquired as to the worthiness of making a claim for maintenance, and was told that although there was a small amount due, if her ex claimed the same would be due to him (because their income is virtually identical) so it would cancel each other out. Therefore. if your ex has a bigger income that you, there would likely be maintenance due to you, albeit a smaller amount.

Incidentally, I have just used the gov.uk CM calculator to calculate based on first my income then my ex’s income based on shared care, and there would be a small amount of maintenance due to me after both claims were netted off.

Op only one parent can receive Child tax credits for the child/children.
Each parent can though claim for WTC

This is where the system is so wrong. Mum's are not 'entitled' to CB. We have my SC 50/50. Pay for 1/2 of everything and receive no help from the gov. Having spoken to them at length we have been told they cannot split monies it is up to the parents but this line becomes blurred in 50/50 cases as there is no clear RP but it tends towards the mother just because. I don't understand why the dad should pay maintenance if he has half the care and pays for half the things his child needs..... Demented pixie suggests claiming CB each for a child- this would mean you don't lose much as first children get more than second children. If you share the money out your ExP needs to be responsible for paying for half of necessities which should help to ease the change in your finances.

You sound like a grabby piece of work tbh.

You absolutely don't need to give him anything that is yours, however he may be allowed to claim too, and it may be worth taking note of the post above that explained you may both end up getting less. If he's going to do it, you may be better off sharing your benefits with him. Work it out.

And ultimately if it does end up all 50/50, just make sure he is truly paying 50/50. Anything outside of bills, food, and treats should be paid for equally.

You sound like a grabby piece of work tbh.

£200 a month being his minimum contribution means he's a fairly high earner. (By comparison my ex contributed £40 a month.) You think he wants to get his share of the child tax credits because he needs it so badly?

I honestly think you need to move DSD back in with you and stop maintenance money. Spin DSD "Mum isn't well at the moment" line if need be.

blimey op your on a good thing at the moment and i think you know it

if it goes 50/50 you can work more but then if you claim CTC your CTC will go down as you earn more

i think the maintanance should stop and if exp earns to much to claim for a child you should claim for the two but split it 50/50

also for this to be equal you both need to sit down and work this out with who pays for what in fine detail

"I don't understand why the dad should pay maintenance if he has half the care and pays for half the things his child needs"

If households are equal I agree. If one parent is struggling to make ends meet and the other drives a porsche, don''t you think it fair for the child that the balance is redressed by maintenance?