Ex-Husband demanding 50/50 child benefits

[ILikePaperHats]

My ex and I have been discussing a possible future arrangement where we take care of the kids (DS10 and DS4) one week on, one week off, I.e. a 50/50 split in childcare. Currently they are with me 4 nights and my ex 3 nights every week. He pays £200 a month in maintenance for our two sons and I pay for clothes, shoes, uniform, school dinners, school trips, and most after school activities. I receive about £660 in child tax credit/working tax credit. My ex says he should be entitled to half of all my benefits if we do an equal share of childcare. I have got used to receiving this income and I am reluctant to share it out especially when I pay for most of the kids' things. Who do you think is right here? Thanks

If you are both looking after them 50/50 then he should stop paying you £200 a month unless you plan to pay him the same to make it equal?

Also if you are both having the kids 50/50 then of course he should get half of the money, the money is for the needs of the kids, and since they are half with him then he should get half of it to look after the kids when they are with him

My friend and her DH have their children 50/50. Neither pays maintenance to the other (obvs) and they each made their own child benefit arrangements. They have an account that they each pay the same percentage of their salaries into every month, and this pays for clothes, trips, etc etc. I genuinely cannot see how you would think it would be any other way?

If you have 50/50 care and each have a home to maintain, then surely you list all costs that need paying, uniform, childcare, school dinners, clubs, social life, basically all child related expenses, and split them 50/50. Neither of you pay the other anything other than half the expenses as you both have to feed them and provide a roof 50/50.

I agree the Child Benefit should be split 50/50, but not the tax credits as they are paid to the person who qualifies. However, they can only pay them to one parent and it is usually the one where the children reside, so 50/50 greys the area, .

The simplest thing to do would just be as above, so you split all DC expenses 50/50 and nobody pays anyone anything.

the other giving their child an evening meal 7 out of 14 evenings

So presumably the cost of a bigger house to accommodate the kids plus the extra gas, electric, water i.e. all the costs that the mum has in putting a roof over the DC's heads is reduced to "an evening meal" when it's the dad having them for a week? We had this kind of shit from DH's ex and it's infuriating.

Two children 50:50 he has Cb and TC for one and you have them for the other. Each pays half of all costs or for one child each. If he hads 50:50 nights no Maintenance is payable and if he applies he’ll get one CB and TC anyway.

If you go to 50\50 care then child maintenance isn't payable.
As far as benefits are concerned: I don't think you should just hand over half your benefits money. As PP have said, that money is yours and is calculated according to your income and child care costs.
If you were both on low incomes it might make sense to make a claim each for one child.
I would suggest you get advice on it though to see if you would be overall better or worse under that arrangement.
For example- It wouldn't feel worth my while to lose £20 per week in order to entitle my ex to £5.
As your ex is currently paying reasonable child maintenance I'm going to take a guess that he is earning fairly well and may not be entitled to tax credits. If this is the case, I think it would be inappropriate for you to make 2 claims as your kids will lose out on money. I also think he is being a cheeky fucker asking you to hand over more out of your benefits money than he would be entitled to, if he made a claim.
One last point Child Benefit doesn't have to be paid to the same parent that gets CTC- you could potentially keep the CTC and let him have CB.

Once you are doing 50/50 care he should not be paying maintenance anymore, but explain that the tax credits will cover school dinners, clothes, etc. It should come out about even?

I also wonder if he has suggested 50\50 care purely to benefit himself financially.
As PP have said-you will want to pin him down on covering more of the children's expenses if he wants to end the payments that currently allow you to do so.

I thought child tax credit calculation included how often you had the children so when you tell them of the change in circumstance they will adjust the amount for you to take care of the kids when you have them so no you don't owe him that.

You definitely don't owe him WTC.

Child benefit is arguable.

Child maintenance - should go down

Child Benefit - it's only fair it's split

Tax credits - the fairest thing I guess seeing as it's income related is for each of you to claim for one child

So presumably the cost of a bigger house to accommodate the kids plus the extra gas, electric, water i.e. all the costs that the mum has in putting a roof over the DC's heads is reduced to "an evening meal" when it's the dad having them for a week? We had this kind of shit from DH's ex and it's infuriating

Yeah. Utter shite. Particularly when you’re the one paying for full time childcare for 3 children, all school uniform, all school trips, all lunches, haircuts, shoes, trainers, coats...taking off every sick day, doing all appointments....sorry, but as far as I’m concerned all my ex does is give his children a meal (we no longer do shared care). Sod all else. And he earns 4 times what I earn and we BOTH have to maintain a home big enough for the children.

First reaction is that he wants 50/50 because he will be better off financially.
I wouldn’t share the benefits with him because they are linked with YOUR income (and how often the dcs are with you??) so will only reflect your needs, not his.
Hav8ng the dcs 50% of the time, he can ask for benefits himself (and maybe he could share those too??)

Most importantly, if the care is shared 50/50, then all cost re uniforms, clothes, childcare etc etc needs to be shared 50/50 too. Has he proposed to pay for those too?

I agree with him

If it's 50/50 then neither should pay maintenance and you should each claim one of the children for child benefit/tax credits.

^This

It's not necessarily true that 50/50 care means that maintenance shouldn't be paid. I just checked out the CMS calculator based on my ex's income and our 2 kids and said he had them for more than 3 nights per week and it says he should pay £16 per week still.

What I would possibly do OP is claim for a child each.

ohreallyohreallyoh Ah so you're talking about your own particular situation again where you don't actually do shared care. Of course it applies to my DH's situation where he split costs for uniforms and trips, took time off work etc, silly me.

Tax credits not affected.
Child maintenance - use an online calculator.
Child benefit - each parent receives the benefit for one of the children.
BUT - you stop paying the majority of the costs, and it gets split 50:50. Each parent buys uniform for the child so they have a set at their house. Each parent pays school meals/trips etc incurred for whenever the child is or will be with them.

Very mixed response! Still a bit confused tbh. In answer to someone's question, I don't pay any childcare costs at the moment as I work freelance from home.

I think Glum has it spot on.

If care is shared 50:50 then no child maintenance is paid either way, and the fairest arrangement with two children is for each parent to claim child benefit for one child. Each parent can then claim child tax credits for that one child if they are eligible too.

Of course day to day expenses should be split as well.

As said, you can claim one child each, let him have the eldest to claim on The forms as this way you can both have the £70 family element...
Then work out how much after school clubs. And all the expenses that involves, cost, football, scouts, trips.
Clothing, shoes, bags, coats, uniform you will need a set each, more needed as each home will need sets... As you don't want to send a child with a suitcase each week.. Does all the clothing at his house come from your pocket...
Will he be sorting childcare for the holidays, as you will find as you work out the weeks he could end up with holidays. Being in his time. 7 weeks in summer someone could have 4 weeks. The other have 3.

Agree with PPs: one child is resident with your ex and one with you for the purposes of CB and TC claims. So he claims for one and you for the other.

No maintenance should be payable by either party.

Costs for the DCs should be split equally.

Tbh, you come across as a bit of a CF in your OP. Why should you get all the income associated with caring for your DC AND why should your ex pay you maintenance on a 50:50 arrangement?

Shared care is a massive misnomer. Why should a parent earning £25k be paying the same towards bringing up their child as a partner earning £100k

If it is 50/50 shared care and one parent is earning £100k, why does only one household matter when it comes to the child having the same lifestyle in both households? This is something that really annoys me. If it was the “nrp” (using the term loosely) on £100k then they have to make sure the other household is ok but the other way around it doesn’t matter. If it’s 50/50 care then of course it matters and both households should have the same lifestyle no matter who is the higher earner. But because one parent has to be classed as the “rp” (again using the term loosely if it’s 50/50), they seem to matter more.

"If you go to 50\50 care then child maintenance isn't payable"

It's no longer compulsory (unless you're a high earner I think) but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be paid if there is disparity between household incomes. The best thing for the child is to have a similar standard of living with both parents.

so you're talking about your own particular situation again where you don't actually do shared care

No. I was explaining my experience of so-called shared care. But please, do undermine it and pretend it never happened.

was the “nrp” (using the term loosely) on £100k then they have to make sure the other household is ok but the other way around it doesn’t matter. If it’s 50/50 care then of course it matters and both households should have the same lifestyle no matter who is the higher earner

With a together couple and a discrepancy in earnings, there would be cries of LTB if there was an insistence on paying 50/50 on all child related costs. I am not arguing one household should subsidise the other but I am suggesting that a blanket ‘no maintenance payable’ is very much a red herring in any cases. And separated couples do not have the same costs necessarily depending on childcare arrangements, family support, new partners etc.

The 50/50 = no maintenance needs some kind of legal backing. Child Arrangement Orders are enforceable but taking on a fair split of child related costs isn’t enforceable in court. The potential for abuse is huge.