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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu - cleaning

113 replies

Losingthewill1 · 27/08/2018 02:01

So I’m prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable

But I recently just came back from an emergency visit to see a close family member

I come back to find out no washing has been done by DH, no hoovering, his shit is everywhere, stuff has been just left out.

He has left the toilet caked in shit, stuff all over bathroom side.

I had to be away for three weeks, I lived out of a very small suitcase and it was a traumatic time for me.

Thing is some of this is my stuff but I was in such a rush to pack I thought that he would maybe think to I duno put away some stuff. ( I don’t usually leave my stuff out and about I put it away along with all his stuff)

We’ve lived together for three years and been together for 5.

He had time to do all his hobbies, move stuff away from my desk so he could use it, not put my stuff back on my desk.

He left washing in the basket and just washed his own things.

Kitchen is bare so I’m going to have to do a shop....

I just feel really let down the fact he hasn’t done anything to just keep our home basically just clean enough.

He said he just didn’t have time to do laundry etc but I’m like.... I make time...

OP posts:

TiffinBox · 28/08/2018 16:41

My ds has been loading washing machines since he was a toddler. He's now fully responsible for the household laundry and inline grocery shopping. He'll check the cupboards for what's needed & then selects the groceries for the basket. I'll quickly check through and then pay. He is now ten.

TiffinBox · 28/08/2018 16:44

Posted too soon. Your dh's behaviour is completely unacceptable op, things have got to change. Would he leave his shit in his mum's loo or at his work toilets? No I don't think so because he has more respect for them then he has for you. You need to show him this thread, he needs to read that other people think he's a dirty bastard for leave shit in the loo for you to clean. Completely disgusting.

Ollivander84 · 28/08/2018 16:52

I've never been "taught" how to clean stuff. My mum is messy and doesn't really clean and had a cleaner
But I learnt. If it's dirty, you clean it! I don't do big cleans as such but if I am walking past a surface and it's dusty, then I clean it there and then. Same with the toilet, it's basic respect and courtesy. Spill something, you wipe it up

YeTalkShiteHen · 28/08/2018 16:54

Aye I’ve never been taught either! I grew up in a manky house and taught myself.

seventhgonickname · 28/08/2018 17:07

All the men I know don't wash or clean stuff while you're away but do it on the day you are coming back and make the place spotless.

MargaretDribble · 29/08/2018 07:21

As long as it's ok when. I get home I don't care Seventh

serbska · 29/08/2018 07:32

He gets bloody bollocked when he looks at the washing machine blankly and asks what buttons need pressing though - we've had the machine two years and I've explained it multiple times and he'd fucking well remember how it worked if it was a games console

“Not sure love. Google he instructions if you need to”

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 29/08/2018 07:41

I wouldn't say my dh is a neat freak, his mum is though. But dh is very good at housework. He wouldn't dream of letting me come home from work to a messy house. I've left for days on work trips and returned to a clean house every time. He hoovers upstairs once or twice a week and hoovers downstairs almost every day. He's learnt how to cook some fab meals. Emptys bins around the house, cleans the fridge and toilet too. Things he doesn't do include cleaning the oven, windows, ironing, those are my jobs, plus food shopping and most cooking. But he sorts all the laundry.

We both work full time and have 3 dc. My 2 ds, his stepsons, are spoilt by dh cleaning up after them. I fear they will never be as good around the house as dh so will start training them more too. I don't want them to be a rod for their future wives backs. But i hope they've learnt from dh example.

Op don't tolerate laziness or his lack of consideration

areyoubeingserviced · 29/08/2018 07:58

I always phone dh three hours before I come home to ‘remind ‘ him that I am coming home soon. DH knows that it is
my way of saying that you better clean up the house before I get home or else I am going to go bonkers.

TwoBlueShoes · 29/08/2018 08:09

On threads like this, it's always the OP's fault for "allowing" him to be like this. Surely as an adult he has the ability to understand that that isn't a nice way to leave the house for when his wife comes home? There's really no excuse.

Deadringer · 29/08/2018 09:23

My dh were married only a couple of days and he asked me how to work the washing machine. I said, 'how the fuck would I know?' His Nan lived in his family home so he had her fawning over him as well as his adoring mum. (Only son and golden child). He soon learned, as pp have said there is no excuse.

BloodyDisgrace · 29/08/2018 14:34

I'd be angry.

SummerIsEasy · 30/08/2018 23:42

candyflip

I agree that DH is a waste of space, but feel quite proud that our son has grown up to be able to sort his own stuff out. DH was brought up to expect women to do everything. It is actually an achievement that our son has taken on board different values. I have always worked full time and tried to ensure our children aspired to equality. I will be 60 next year, just had 36 wedding anniversary, marriage was different in our day. Good luck to you x

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