I realised something about ex MIL today

[Itsnotmelove]

Separated for a year, and I’m now on good terms with ex. He was dropping the DC off today, he told me that ex MIL has been complaining to him about ex SILs new DH. How he’s this and that, he’s a loner, not social, always hiding in the bedroom when she comes round. And SILs DH refused to come to a family event because MIL was there (she doesn’t know this)

Now this woman has put me through hell for 7 years when I was with her son, I tried so hard to get on with her but she would always slag me off behind my back, give me silent treatment for days on end for no reason, told her son he deserved better and tried to set her son up with other women multiple times(when seeing an attractive women in public or tv, she’d always ask her son “don’t she look nice”, “she’s beautiful isn’t she?” right in front me out of spite) she’d always make me feel awkward, she’d never talk to me unless I spoke to her first etc. She loves to judge other people and their lives/parenting, even though she has no friends, no job, no social life and spends all her time at her daughters/sons house.

Towards the end of my marriage, I realised I’d never get on with her no matter how much I tried, so I distanced myself from her and whenever she came round, I’d go out or stay in the bedroom. I also used to think about how she would be with the new DIL, would she like her more than me etc. All those thoughts used to go through my mind, but today I realised something. She will never change, she will never be a better MIL to the new DIL.

I remember smiling as ex was telling me all this, not because I was happy about the situation. But relieved in a way, because I realised, it’s not me ITS HER!

Now that I’m out of her life, she set her teeth in BIL. Poor guy.

I know there are women on MN who are confused as to why their MIL doesn’t like them despite their efforts, or wondering if they will be nicer to the new DIL. Know that if your MIL doesn’t like you despite your efforts, it has nothing to do with you.

laddersandsnakes So you're prepared to make a negative assumption about somebody because she isn't willing to give you the juicy gossip. That says it all really.

Kool4katz no, not juicy gossip. Genuinely wondering what non fitting trait someone has that an entire family can dislike but will not be admitted in public.

Faulty- not sure why you don’t like “superficial”. I can fit in anywhere on a superficial level. Much fewer places at a deeper level.

I’d take a guess that some of these MIL’s are on this thread

And fwiw OP you are not alone as I’m sure you are aware there are many of us who have been put through the same misery by women who cannot accept that their sons love a woman other than themselves. In the end I got so fed up of putting up with the same bullshit time after time after time that I no longer see the old cow. She knows she can come to our house to visit the children when I am there but she chooses not to

Crispy I’m willing to bet your SIL has guessed pretty much that you all hate her which is why she doesn’t join in and why she turned up late on Christmas Day. I expect she was dreading it (but showed up in the end and did her duty) - I know because I’ve been in her position. It’s horrible sitting around a table knowing that they all hate you and you have to keep up some ridiculous false pretence because they are ‘family’.

“many of us who have been put through the same misery by women who cannot accept that their sons love a woman other than themselves.”

I am sure there are many women like that. I am also sure there are women who cannot accept that their husbands continue to love their mothers and families of origin and do not want to cut themselves off from them on marriage,

I often read threads by women ranting about their (supposedly) horrible MIL's and they go on and on about how "the old bitch hates them, shes such a cow for X and Y reasons".....and I often think, hey you know what, maybe she hates you because you are absolutely vile? Just a guess?

Sar51

Trust me, that’s not the case.

But Christ I was glad never to have to deal with his wife's corrosive behaviour any more. Can you really not imagine that?

Corrosive to whom? You or him? I do actually get it, however, I was that person who 'didn't fit in' with my ex husbands family and it was so awful to be viewed like that. I didn't have the same hobbies as them (although I tried so hard to get involved - they made it clear that I wasn't welcome) but I loved my ex very much and they did everything in their power to split us up. Blatent lies, rumours, so many other things that I doubt most would even believe. Being isolated from someone you loves family is very hard.