To be annoyed at DH about his moods?

[CostaGuava]

Sometimes DH will get in a bad mood that lasts for several weeks. During this mood he treats and speaks to me like shit, and makes 'jokes' about me that aren't funny. My self esteem takes a battering.

Things have been fine for ages but last night he went out and came home drunk, in a bad mood. The bad mood continued all day today. When I pulled him up on it he said he hadn't been in a mood but was now as I'd mentioned moods. He was snappy and off with me all day and kept doing things like shutting the front door in my face when we went into the house even though I had armfuls of stuff!

This evening we went to a friends BBQ and for the whole evening he made it obvious he was in a bad mood with me: the men all talked in a group and the women did too but all of the others would occasionally spend a bit of time with their partner too. If DH came into a room or the garden and I was there he'd just walk off. If anyone else spoke to me he kept coming over and dominating the conversation and excluding me. He was fine and chatty with everyone else but made it clear he wasn't happy with me. He got drunk again and I didn't drink any alcohol so had to drive us home and he just walked off to the car ahead of me and wouldn't speak to me all journey home.

This mood will go on probably for about 2 or 3 weeks now. He says I'm being 'over sensitive' and said 'Is this for real?' when I just tried to ask him why he'd been so horrible at the bbq.

AIBU to be pissed off or am I being over sensitive?

I definitely don’t think you’re being over sensitive, there’s clearly something going on.
His behaviour sounds very unpleasant but there must be a reason.
Is he depressed?
Might he be pissed off with you for something?
Has he always been like this or is it a new thing? It seems like you expect this from him and it lasts for weeks.
While I’m trying to be understanding, if my DH behaved like that I’d be absolutely fuming, especially in front of friends.

Can you imagine putting up with this into old age? No? Me either.... life's too short my love

I'd be making a plan in your shoes

That’s not being in a mood, it’s being down right rude. I too would be considering my future!

Gawd, what a passive aggressive, manipulative, arsey, moody fucking twat.

You deserve better.

LTB.

Sadly, I see (and hear of) too many men women putting up with this cuntish behaviour from me. It's horrible and damaging and controlling. Don't stay with this man.

'putting up with this behaviour from MEN!' (Not me!)

Get an EDIT button mumsnet jeeeeeeeeez!

Op please tell me you aren't running around after him , preparing his favourite food, picking up all the chores etc just to pacify him and get his mood changed!

Cos that's what he wants.... he's checked out if the relationship for a bit

He'll be back when he wants sex

He’s controlling and abusive. Think about in what other ways he controls you. I wouldn’t tolerate this. Just walk away from him. He sounds like a wanker. Man child, sulking on you like a 5 year old! What an idiot!

Oh FFS I mean I hear of too many WOMEN putting up with this behaviour from men! SORRY I blame the red wine!

Yeah, please do not put up with it OP!

Not the least bit oversensitive. He's a bastard.

No, you are not being unreasonable at all. I’ve heard the word gaslighting used, and I’m not sure if it’s applicable here, but he is denying your sense of reality.

Has something happened or someone got in his head last night when he was out without you, do you think?

I'm sure you wouldn't dream of slamming doors in his face or not talking civilly for weeks. because you are... a decent human being. And he is... not. He wouldn't do this to a stranger or colleague but he's happy to do it to you.

He's a bully and an arsehole. I wouldn't stay with him.

He's too cowardly to tell you to fuck off so he's putting it in your hands

No way would I put up with that shit .And you shouldnt either OP. Go about your own routine and dont vary it for the arsehole you are sharing your life with at the moment.
I makes me so cross that there are men out there who think this is a good way to live . I feel so sorry for the women who think this is normal and just has to be put up with. Its not ,and you can have a life where you dont have to walk on eggshells minding every thought word and deed. You can do much better that this OP . PLease LTB

It sounds as if this isn’t the first time he has behaved like this - how long has it been going on for and how often does it happen? Does he ever acknowledge that behaving like this is unacceptable, and does he ever apologise?

He's rude, and just showing himself up and being obnoxious. You have to consider whether you can live like this. I couldn't. I see no mention of DC. If you haven't got any yet, don't have any unless you get this sorted out.
Bingbong are you sure it wasn't you? A Freudian slip maybe?

Have you heard of the phrase toxic masculinity before? It's about how men have been conditioned that they can't express any emotion other than anger as anything else makes them look weak and feminine. So all emotions come our ad anger. My husband got a promotion lately and the extra stress comes out as anger. The only way in my opinion is to slowly work with them to learn how to express their emotions differently. It takes a long time. But I do believe you can break it down over time.

I've just been left in floods of tears as I tried to talk to him about it and he said I'm pathetic and I'm inventing things and that he's not interested while I'm talking like a child, and that he's going to record me so I can hear what a bitch I sound.

Stop engaging.
What an absolute arse.
Maybe you should record him calling you a bitch?

Or write it down.
Last night my husband told me I sound like a bitch.

He sounds like a right bastard, not to put too fine a point on it. There is absolutely no way I'd be putting up with this if I was in your shoes. Work out a plan and ditch the guy.

Tell him to carry right on with the recording, you will be delighted to have evidence of how foul he is being.

It's not about him being in a mood because he isn't in a mood with everyone. It's about him using you to kick about emotionally.

You are NOT unreasonable, he is a twat!
He doesn't respect your feelings, or care how he behaves because he thinks he will get away with it, and takes it for granted you will put up with it and appease him.
You are worth more than this, honestly!

He’s very unpleasant, it’s not you, and he’s not the first man I’ve known to behave like this.
But then I cant understand why women are bitchy and unfriendly quite often either, for no reason.
I cant see what any of them gain from it. If they feel superior because of it, they are very strange sad people.

Try not to show any upset at all. Just get on with your usual routine, and maybe go round to see family.
If this escalates his behaviour, think about your future.

Think about about your own safety and happiness, and if it will be easy to entangle yourself from this relationship.
He doesn’t sound like someone you really want to be with, he has problems, and it sounds awful to put up with this.
This is not the behaviour of someone who loves you .