Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH about his moods?

99 replies

CostaGuava · 25/08/2018 23:37

Sometimes DH will get in a bad mood that lasts for several weeks. During this mood he treats and speaks to me like shit, and makes 'jokes' about me that aren't funny. My self esteem takes a battering.

Things have been fine for ages but last night he went out and came home drunk, in a bad mood. The bad mood continued all day today. When I pulled him up on it he said he hadn't been in a mood but was now as I'd mentioned moods. He was snappy and off with me all day and kept doing things like shutting the front door in my face when we went into the house even though I had armfuls of stuff!

This evening we went to a friends BBQ and for the whole evening he made it obvious he was in a bad mood with me: the men all talked in a group and the women did too but all of the others would occasionally spend a bit of time with their partner too. If DH came into a room or the garden and I was there he'd just walk off. If anyone else spoke to me he kept coming over and dominating the conversation and excluding me. He was fine and chatty with everyone else but made it clear he wasn't happy with me. He got drunk again and I didn't drink any alcohol so had to drive us home and he just walked off to the car ahead of me and wouldn't speak to me all journey home.

This mood will go on probably for about 2 or 3 weeks now. He says I'm being 'over sensitive' and said 'Is this for real?' when I just tried to ask him why he'd been so horrible at the bbq.

AIBU to be pissed off or am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:
GreenGingerAndRum · 26/08/2018 00:33

Disentangle..

SweatyFretty · 26/08/2018 00:35

A day I'd understand if you'd done something.

Weeks is intolerable and I'd be leaving. This isn't normal or acceptable at all OP.

sayinggoodbye · 26/08/2018 00:41

We all get in a mood sometimes, but what you describe is emotional abuse, cruelty and quite frankly, not worth it. Why are you there? Weeks? Days of this shit? Why? He's worthless - get out, life isn't long enough to suffer this

Branleuse · 26/08/2018 00:49

Thats not just being a bit off with you. Thats him treating you with absolute contempt. Sad

ReanimatedSGB · 26/08/2018 00:50

What do you think would happen if you laughed at him, OP? If you said, any time he pulls this shit in public 'Oh dear, someone's got their grumpy pants on'? If the answer is that you think he would hurt you, then you need to get out of this relationship. TBH I think you need to get rid of him anyway. He's not your boss or your owner or your parent - if he thinks he's entitled to punish or humiliate you just because he has a penis then he's not worth a second more of your time.

abitoflight · 26/08/2018 01:00

^ these more eloquent than I am
A hard day at work, a random bit of quietness/distance or even a bit of arsey dickishness - I think all of us allowed that but weeks of moodiness/shutting door on you/purposefully hurtful? No way is that ok

Shezza71 · 26/08/2018 01:03

Hi. Just wanted to say that his behaviour sounds exactly the way my husband would behave in terms of mood changes, bad moods lasting weeks and petty but nasty behaviour. I started monitoring my husbands drinking and turned out he had a drink problem. I put up with his behaviour for 2 years, trying to get him to admit his problem. The drinking got worse but I got braver and fought back but my emotions took a battering. He finally admitted 4 months ago that he was an alcoholic and is now in recovery. I'm trying to support him for the sake of our 2 dd but long term damage has been done. Get some help now, monitor his moods and alcohol, you can speak to your doctor for advice xx

LadyLoveYourWhat · 26/08/2018 01:07

You are not being over sensitive at all, this isn't how happy, healthy relationships work. I would be seriously considering why I was in this relationship if I were you. What keeps you with him?

Aquamarine1029 · 26/08/2018 03:18

You deserve SO much better than this. This is not how healthy relationships are. Leave him as soon as possible. Fuck him and his "moods."

BlueUggs · 26/08/2018 03:30

Oh god, my dad did this periodically to my mum for years.
She left him in January and is divorcing the abusive cock.
I refuse to engage with him now. It's childish and abusive.
Tell him to sort his face out or fuck off!!!

hodgeheg92 · 26/08/2018 03:37

My friend's OH behaves just like this, including the drinking, when he is depressed. He has sought help and now medication makes it much rarer and he is much better at recognising when he needs to seek help again.

I'm not sure what you can do though if you're DH won't even admit he's being horrible, never mind that he might be depressed. What would he do if you asked him if he was okay? It sounds like he'd tell you to get lost, probably in a meaner way, and in that case I'm not sure you can stay with him.

thebewilderness · 26/08/2018 04:01

You are married to a binge abuser. I have heard of them but never met one.
Why Does He DO That is the name of the book you need to read about men like your husband so you can decide what to do.

MessyBun247 · 26/08/2018 04:15

‘The only way in my opinion is to slowly work with them to learn how to express their emotions differently. It takes a long time. But I do believe you can break it down over time.’

Oh bloody hell! It’s not the OPs responsibility to ‘fix’ this shitty abusive man! He is choosing again and again to be a vile bully to her.

OP really you do not need to live like this. End this ‘relationship’. It will be an absolute weight off your shoulders. He is completely abusive and nasty. You don’t deserve it. You deserve to be happy and he will never let you be happy. Please don’t suffer this unnecessary shit any more.

Queenofthestress · 26/08/2018 04:25

My DP is a mardy bastard. he is, he knows he is, he gets in a mood from anything, he's been like it since he was little, so has his dad, difference between him and your dp? He never ever in the six years I've known him has ever taken it out on me or the kids. Never.

This is not right and you know it. It's abusive, shitty, and absolutely horrible.

KickAssAngel · 26/08/2018 04:27

See, if he really was in a 'mood' (which he has the ability to control, btw) it wouldn't be directed at just one person. He'd generally be like this everyone. He'd have problems at work, fall out with friends/family, not be able to chat easily to other people at the party.

He isn't in a bad mood - he's a bad person deliberately aiming hatred at you. It's been a while since he was last like this so will probably be a good, long bout, or have an increase in how bad the mood is, involve shouting, hitting things etc. It will (according to him) be your fault, not his, and he'll have a good old orgy of smugness at how much power he wealds over you.

Decide if you want to keep living like this.

longwayoff · 26/08/2018 06:47

That is not a ':mood', its a sadistic practice designed to make him feel better by making you feel worse. I'm sorry you're married to him as it can be difficult to untangle but please think hard about doing so. He will never improve so dont invest time and energy waiting, for that to happen. Free yourself.

Soulqueen · 26/08/2018 06:51

I had one like this. It’s really horrible for you. I would threaten to leave him and mean it. Take the wind out of his sails. You would be surprised how he will change his tune.

longwayoff · 26/08/2018 06:51

Ohhh. Tiger, very best of luck with that. Please update as to progress in a couple of years.

Mmer · 26/08/2018 07:03

He sounds horrible. Why should you have to put up with him? Life is too short.

Balaboosteh · 26/08/2018 08:40

Sorry, but I can’t see this as a mood. This is just abusive behaviour. I feel awful that you are being treated like this and quite understand why you would be in floods of tears. You’re going to have to start considering your options I’m afraid. Also this will weaken you if it goes on so you need to start thinking about your strategy before it does too much damage.

StorminaTCut · 26/08/2018 08:45

He's too cowardly to tell you to fuck off so he's putting it in your hands

This.

My ex was like this whilst contacting lots of women behind my back. I kept an eye behind the scenes for a few weeks, until I had enough to present him with. Then he left.

Its not a mood, its a choice.

BertrandRussell · 26/08/2018 08:47

This isn't a mood. It's abuse. And that goes for the earlier poster, trtiger too. Have a look at the Freedom Project website as a first step-see if anything resonates.

Somewhereovertherainbow13 · 26/08/2018 08:49

My oh is like this but has been diagnosed as suffering from depression. When he’s feeling low he’s vile - he’s rude, uninterested in anything, lazy, refuses to come on days out with me and the kids and spends his time laying on the sofa watching sky sports while drinking. Yet somehow manages to twist everything so I feel like shit and I’m in the wrong. Yadnbu and I hope you have more strength in yourself than I do and that you manage to leave him and make a better life for yourself. Massive hugs

Starlighter · 26/08/2018 08:55

He would be walking home after that, in fact he could jog right on forever!

I couldn’t live like that. Horrible man. LTB. Sounds to me like it’ll only get worse.

Nettletheelf · 26/08/2018 08:57

This sort of selective sulking whilst acting normally with everybody else is a form of cruelty. Think hard about whether you want to be married to a man who is deliberately cruel to you.

Shutting the door in your face! I was aghast when I read that.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.