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Original poster

Brave The Shave - NOT IN MY NAME

340 replies

TwitterQueen1 · 25/08/2018 17:25

I know IANBU but posting here for traffic.

I see Macmillan is now advertising BTS on tv. It doesn't seem to matter how many of us protest that the whole campaign:

  • is extremely offensive and upsetting
  • trivialises and minimises the effects of chemo
  • claims that it makes people understand what it's like to have cancer

Would you paint black and bruises on your face to 'show support' for victims of DV?

Would you tie one leg behind your back and hop around town to 'show support' for those with disabilities?

  • Do you know that Macmillan are asking those who've done BTS is "How are enjoying your new look?" or even worse - "Hope you're enjoying your new look!" WT actual Fuck. I mean, us cancer patients absolutely ADORE losing all our hair and feeling like total shit for months.... and random healthy strangers indulging in narcissistic, attention-grabbing stunts makes us feel even better. Angry

And (in response to my complaint) these offensive statements apparently fall within Macmillan's social media guidelines'?

Bathe in baked beans, run marathons, walk a mile, hold coffee mornings.... do ANYTHING ELSE, but don't pretend for a second that shaving your head helps you understand how cancer patients feel. You have absolutely no idea at all. None.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 25/08/2018 23:17

I think a lot of these charity 'stunts' initially came out of people wanting to support, cheer up or inspire sick friends/relatives and then slowly turned into what is now naff virtue-signalling. And a lot of them are inherently pointless when done 'for charity' with no personal connection, but also there is this general attitude of not giving money unless someone is doing something (preferably inconvenient, painful, knackering or undignified but completely pointless) to 'earn' it.
It probably goes along with the whole outsourcing of necessary things to charities (health care, research, animal welfare etc).

lexer · 25/08/2018 23:17

I agree with the OP. It's triviallising things. It's awful.

BakedBeans47 · 25/08/2018 23:24

YANBU in the slightest x Flowers

mrsrhodgilbert · 25/08/2018 23:30

I’m totally with you TQ, the whole thing is sickening. I didn’t need chemo so didn’t lose my hair but it has thinned with other treatment. The side effects from cancer treatment are vile, how could shaving your head possibly emulate what it’s really like. The constant tv advertising is the last thing we want when settling down for an evening of relaxation and escapism and don’t get me started on the cancer storylines on tv programmes, can’t writers come up with something more original?

Mrbatmun · 25/08/2018 23:32

I am currently going through cancer treatment and am bald as a coot. Everywhere. I shaved my hair as soon as a few strands started to come out and for me losing my hair has not really been a big deal, I have tried to embrace it by spending an absolute shit ton of money of wigs, hats and headscarves!

I am torn on Brave the Shave. I think sometimes people do it to show solidarity with a close friend or loved one, and when I have seen people do it for this reason I assume that the person with cancer has been totally on board with it. And I think Macmillan have raised quite a lot of money from it as well.

But sometimes it is total attention seeking. There was a guy who was in Love Island who recently did it and he had quite short hair to start with, and then shaved it down to a number 2 or 1 and it just looked like a normal blokes hairstyle on him. And of course he was all over Instagram with it. Some people don't even 'shave' they get like a number 3 so they still actually have loads of hair.

And, as I have recently found out, it's not actually being bald that gives you the 'chemoed' look, it's the losing your eyebrows and eyelashes that does that, who knew it would make such a difference?! So maybe people who are 'braving the shave' could also shave off their brows and lashes as well? And pluck out their nose hair so they get a drippy nose? And maybe take Immodium or similar so that they become so constipated that it feels like they are shitting glass every time they go and they develop piles?

Now that would be true solidarity Wink

HelenaDove · 25/08/2018 23:59

" her parents asked if anyone would go bald to stand next to her, all 31 in her form did"

thats great as long as no one felt emotionally blackmailed into it or too scared to say no.

HelenaDove · 26/08/2018 00:02

i think a pp had the right idea. Doing practical things like babysitting for the kids if their parent has to go for a chemo session. This is what id do rather than shave my head because its what will make a difference and actually help.

ReanimatedSGB · 26/08/2018 00:19

@HelenaDove yes I can see that being a bit creepy and uncomfortable and tipping into bullying.

AuntieStella · 26/08/2018 08:06

Actually, those who are feeling that it's unfair, why me, bullied, railroaded, scared, lost control over their body , hating that their hair is going etc are the only ones who are getting anything close to an empathetic reaction. Cancer patients don't get to choose.

So forcing people who have not chosen it, into participation p, at a random time not of their choosing, including children, wouid be the logical way to show solidarity.

Hate the idea - well of course you do. Because the idea that it shows solidarity is basically bollocks.

Not that individual acts are wrong (some on this thread are very moving, and responsive to the needs and wishes of the individual with cancer). It's the televised campaign that I dislike.

0hCrepe · 26/08/2018 08:24

A good friend said the same when she had cancer. Two of her friends who are gorgeous looking shaved their heads and she said they still looked gorgeous and she still had cancer.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 26/08/2018 08:38

I agree OP. I have worked for big charities and they are all now just about the money. BTS will raise their profile and even more millions can be stashed in off shore accounts and the chief execs get even bigger bonuses. Macmillan changed their name years ago - took the word "fund" out of the name (originally set up to provide financial support) because it gave the "wrong" message that they gave money to people with cancer!!!

What makes me even madder is all the breast cancer shite with z list clebs poncing about in lingerie- how awfully confronting that must be for women facing / living with breast loss. Google the image of kate moss in a pink bra posing to "help" fight beast cancer- totally sickens me.

WhiteDust · 26/08/2018 08:57

This sort of campaign has become popular in the last 1/15 years I think...along with expressions such as 'Solidarity, support, warrior, fight, battle...kicking cancer's ass...'

3 of my close friends lost their lives to cancer - all in their 30's (15/17/20 years ago now) None of this was around back then.

People do what they have to do but none of the above sits easy with me and I can't put my finger on why...

WhiteDust · 26/08/2018 08:59

As for the Kate Moss thing... WTF is THAT? Angry

MarthasGinYard · 26/08/2018 09:01

Yanbu Op

At all

WhiteDust · 26/08/2018 09:02

The pink campaign has turned into another marketing opportunity for retailers. So they give a tiny percentage to charity? How much profit do THEY take in?
I can't stand it.

WhiteDust · 26/08/2018 09:08

" her parents asked if anyone would go bald to stand next to her, all 31 in her form did"
thats great as long as no one felt emotionally blackmailed into it or too scared to say no.

Absolutely agree Helena.
Imagine being the one who didn't want to shave their hair off. Hmm
You just couldn't say no Angry

YeTalkShiteHen · 26/08/2018 09:12

"her parents asked if anyone would go bald to stand next to her, all 31 in her form did"

This makes me feel profoundly uncomfortable.

thats great as long as no one felt emotionally blackmailed into it or too scared to say no

Because of this. Because it was posed as a choice, but it was peer pressure in reality.

Snoopychildminder · 26/08/2018 09:13

Yes I don’t like the campaign at all.
I lost my dad when I was 24 (he was 50) to cancer. He managed to keep a bit of his hair but lost his eye lashes, my mom on the other hand had breast cancer, and her hair came out in tuffs. She hated it. My mom loved her hair and to lose it was such an emotional painful struggle for her. I wouldn’t have dreamt in a million years to shave my head as it would have just upset my mom even further.
Whilst I appreciate some people feel boosted by those around them also shaving their head, it makes me cringe. Giving to charity should be because you genuinely care, not because you want praise on your appearance, BTS is as vain as that ridiculous no make up selfie phase that spread through Facebook. It was for (mostly) girls who needed a confidence boost ‘oh you are such a natural beauty blah blah’ Angry makes me so mad.

ConkerTriumphant · 26/08/2018 09:16

I’ve had breast cancer.
I rock a shaved head and I’ve done it by choice most of my life.

I do not rock the bald-headed, no-eyebrowed , grey-skinned chemo look.
They are not the same thing.

With short hair, I look chic and edgy and I feel great.
On chemo, I looked like an egg with teeth and I felt like I could hardly stand.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/08/2018 09:32

I think it's a bit different when close friends or family do it to help the feelings of the person losing their hair - especially if the person with cancer feels that it is supportive and kind of them.

But that's with discussion, surely. Yes, different cancer sufferers will feel differently but it's still their prerogative to feel how they feel, and no people who aren't suffering from cancer has any right to tell them to feel differently.

LokiBear · 26/08/2018 09:38

When my dh's grandad died from cancer, I found the 'kick cancer's ass' adverts upsetting because they implied that people who die just don't fight hard enough. I know that probably sounds ridiculous but it isn't something you can beat by being tough and brave. My dh's grandad was brave and strong and losing him was devestating. My dad has just been told he has some form of blood based cancer. We are waiting for the results of the tests to find out which kind, the treatment options and prognosis. In the last 4 weeks, he has gone from being a 56 year old man who had never had a course of antibiotics in his adult life, to being diagnosed with vertigo (wrongly, I think), then a chest infection, then hospitalised with pneumonia two weeks ago, then almost dying of sepsis, slowly recovering, only to be told he has all of the markers for some form of blood cancer. All he wants is to come home but he cant because he is bleeding from somewhere (they don't know where) and he has had to have blood transfusions. I havent told anyone. I havent cried (although I think im in some form of shock), I haven't told my dad he has to be brave, Ive just tried to be normal. I havent posted anything on social media and I wont. I will always donate money to charities that fund research but im not going to tell anyone why. I certainly will not shave my head. BECAUSE THIS ISNT ABOUT ME. It is about my dad. I have no idea what I am doing or how to support him, but this thread has helped me understand what not to do. Good luck to all who are going through this.

Original poster
TwitterQueen1 · 26/08/2018 10:19

There are some very moving comments on here. Flowers to everyone affected.

Tara I don't know if this is any consolation, but there was a recent thread about hospices I think, and several nurses said that it's common for end-of-life patients to 'wait' until they're on their own before they die. That's why we hear stories about "I only went to get a coffee" and "Ten minutes after I left she went.."

Cultural I didn't know that - sinking to a new low with photoshoots Angry

Mrbat had to laugh because I know exactly what you mean...

Conker I have adopted the Judi Dench hairstyle now because it definitely suits me - but as you say, it's very different to when you're grey, clammy and minus eyebrows and eyelashes.

OP posts:
hidengosqueak · 26/08/2018 10:54

My bf has been fighting for 9 years and hates the bts crap. She has lost her hair 4 times and this time it's not coming back because it was through radiotherapy not chemo. Her daughter's and mine grew their hair and donated between 7-10 inches each. That's doing something for charity, it took time and effort to keep their hair in good condition and not use chemicals ( not to mention nit free ) but they did it and are currently doing it again. You want to do something in support try that. Btw they all had bobs after.

onetimeposter · 26/08/2018 11:09

I think some people who set up just giving pages also do it for the 'look how great i am' status and admiration. Particularly when someone has just died, totally distasteful.