Brave The Shave - NOT IN MY NAME

[TwitterQueen1]

I know IANBU but posting here for traffic.

I see Macmillan is now advertising BTS on tv. It doesn't seem to matter how many of us protest that the whole campaign:

• is extremely offensive and upsetting
• trivialises and minimises the effects of chemo
• claims that it makes people understand what it's like to have cancer

Would you paint black and bruises on your face to 'show support' for victims of DV?

Would you tie one leg behind your back and hop around town to 'show support' for those with disabilities?

• Do you know that Macmillan are asking those who've done BTS is "How are enjoying your new look?" or even worse - "Hope you're enjoying your new look!" WT actual Fuck. I mean, us cancer patients absolutely ADORE losing all our hair and feeling like total shit for months.... and random healthy strangers indulging in narcissistic, attention-grabbing stunts makes us feel even better.

And (in response to my complaint) these offensive statements apparently fall within Macmillan's social media guidelines'?

Bathe in baked beans, run marathons, walk a mile, hold coffee mornings.... do ANYTHING ELSE, but don't pretend for a second that shaving your head helps you understand how cancer patients feel. You have absolutely no idea at all. None.

Whilst I had this thread open, a CRUK ad came on the telly.

Much simpler - using the words of someone has recovered from cancer saying that ir's great to be a survivor and wanting to support research so that more people can be survivors.

I agree, I’ve found it distasteful for years and my mum died of cancer.

Can anyone set up a petition?

Marylou and anyone else suffering from cancer - you're very welcome to join us on the cancer support thread here . We're honest about our fears, our treatment and how cancer affects our everyday lives.

I'm glad you've made this thread OP and grateful for the posts on it. I had been thinking of doing a head shave to raise money for them but I honestly hadn't realised how so many people feel about them.
Hope all of those currently undergoing treatment improve, I'm thinking of you all and I will find another way to fund raise. Thank you.

I think ‘Not in my name’ is an excellent campaign title.

I agree that it's insensitive and can definitely see how it would make you angry, OP, but I'm sure that lots of people do it for the purpose of raising money and trying to hope and that they're not trying to say that they know what having cancer feels like. I hope not, anyway.

I totally agree with you OP it’s very poor taste. My dad is about to begin radiotherapy. I wish you well

I can see both sides of the coin here tbh.

When I was in college a girl in one of my classes was going through chemo and loosing her absolutely gorgeous long thick glossy hair. It was her pride and joy and she was understandably quite distraught.
So her friend shaved her hair with her, so she wouldn't be alone. They went shopping for scarves and hats together.

The friend raised some money for a cancer charity by getting sponsors but I strongly got the impression that she would have done it even without sponsors. The girl with cancer felt a bit less alone and a few hundred quid got raised.

There does seem to be a fair few now doing it just for the attention which I think is pretty despicable.

So I suppose it comes down to both the intention and the patient.

I can totally see where you are coming from though op and I hope you are well soon

I support Bloodwise, as the research they put funds towards includes finding better treatments for childhood blood cancers (principally leukaemias).

I have no issue at all with this when someone has a close friend/family member who they are supporting and who is on board with this. If they make money then great, but more importantly if it helps demonstrate their love and support then brilliant.

It’s suggesting it as a fundraising activity in general that I hate.

I also hate the Macmillan TV adverts that show a ridiculously cliched idea of cancer in my opinion and are on all the bloody time. It’s relentless.

I hear you. I think your viewpoint is wholly valid and there is an awful lot of attention-seeking behaviour around 'charity'.
There are also people who do fundraising 'stunts' with the knowledge and enthusiastic acceptance of the sick person they are close to, and people with cancer who find it comforting and supportive if their close friends or family shave their heads - the key thing is to go with what the person with cancer feels.

And yes, holding my hand up, I had my head shaved to fundraise five years ago. It was a spontaneous thing at a street party, where they were inviting people to step up and do it. I had previously lost a couple of friends to cancer and had heard the night before that another friend had died suddenly, and I had consumed a few drinks on the day. I'd also had a cancer scare myself a few months beforehand.

Although I'm not a believer these days, I was brought up in the Church of Scotland and have fairly entrenched views about 'the right hand shouldn't see what the left hand is doing' when it comes to charitable giving.

I tithe about 10% of my annual income to various charities (through either regular DDs or anonymous one-off donations) and that's it.

I don't do sponsored things, or FB things, or any of that other sh*te and I couldn't give a toss if people think badly of me for it. I just quietly give what I can and nobody has to know anything about it.

MIL died in a MacMillan hospice, I have never told DH what was said to me by one of the nurses as it would break him. She casually told me they knew MIL would pass that day as “they can tell” MIL died alone, she could have at least have had us there with her if one of them could have been arsed to pick up the phone that morning.

Whilst I get that some cancer patients might get some comfort from friends shaving their heads in an act of solidarity (especially those in their teens or younger), I personally would have found it patronising had any of my friends suggested it.
Shaving your head is a drop in the ocean, you don’t get the ‘cancer face’ and your hair will start to grow back as normal in a few days. I mean no disrespect to those cancer patients who don’t lose their hair, just that having absolutely no facial hair is an obvious sign of chemo treatment.
Neither am I down on those wishing to cut their hair to donate for wigs. What I am against is the trend of faux empathy, filming having your hair shaved off so that you can post it on Facebook and be told how noble, how inspiring you are, safe in the knowledge your hair is already starting to regrow.
My nails stopped growing and peeled, my skin on my hands and feet peeled so that I had to frequently moisturise and wear cotton gloves to stop the itching. Food tasted wrong (apart from Jaffa cakes!), but my side effects could have been so much worse.
I’m not looking for sympathy, it wasn’t something I could avoid, it was 8 years ago, and I now have a wonderful 4 year old boy, but I would ask anyone considering doing it to think carefully.
Sorry for the ramble, i’m a cider down!

I didn't know they were doing this. Having lost my DM to cancer and knowing how traumatic her hair loss was, I think this is very wrong.

I have seen others shave hair off for other charities but the comparison with cancer treatment is in bad taste imo.

I think that for some there is a solidarity thing. When one of my nephew's lost his hair , his brother and cousins shaved their heads so that he would not feel the odd one out. When my brother had brain surgery followed by chemo, my 2 nephew's shaved their heads to look like their dad. I really loved that.

I also can't stand those selfie trends for cancer or dementia. No makeup selfies or wear red lipstick selfie. How do they help? Most people post the photo on FB and don't donate a thing but just love to get a "Ahh that's nice hun' from their 'friends'.

I can completely see your point but my DH and his group of friends has just been asked to BTS by one of the friendship group who is himself in remission. DH has obviously agreed and will be doing it.

I also can't the abide charity chuggers in the street. The number of times I've been walking along minding my own business and have been accosted by wholly inappropriately jolly chuggers begging for money. I think the practice should be banned.

'Don't you care about cancer?' I've had one ask me. They have bloody no idea about my life and the impact cancer has had on it.

My goodness. I've just had a look through the Brave the Shave Facebook page and I can definitely see why you're offended. If you scroll down through a few posts, they're actually asking people to come in for photoshoots! They're marketing it like a fashion thing. Just awful.

Absolutely!! Just hand over a few quid instead of all Thisbe nonsense, I think donating just because someone is shaving all their hair off is weird, will people only give cash if someone is doing something? If someone says they are raiding cash for most charity’s, I open my purse and put a few quid in, I don’t need them to do anything than collect the cash

This campaign makes me cringe. My brother lost his hair, his eyebrows and eyelashes through chemo. He had stage 4 aggressive NHL.

Me and my family fundraised for Bloodwise doing various activities/runs/swims/climbs to show our support.

If we'd shaved our heads and eyebrows and plucked out our eyelashes in solidarity, it wouldn't have had the same impact.

My beloved brother is now in remission (5 years on) after 5 cycles of chemo, 3 sessions of DXRT and 2 stem cell transplants.

Luck, love and healing to all those going through cancer right now.

I agree!

The ones I have seen are approaching the “shave” with a sense of excitement.

I don’t mean to critise the example earlier of a 13 year old growing his hair so it can then be shaved, how is that understanding what it really is like. I don’t blame the child just the organisation of it. If he doesn’t want long hair how is it being shaved off a hardship. I’m sure he is lovely, and well meaning. X

I actually had a chugger knock on my front door and immediately ask me if I knew anybody who'd been affected by cancer as soon as I answered.

He got an angry retort before I slammed the door, slumped to my knees and sobbed on the floor.

I don't care how worthwhile you think your cause is, that's an appalling thing to knock on a stranger's door and ask them. Nobody has the right to intrude into somebody's home to stir up what could easily be the worst and most traumatic thing that's ever happened or is happening to them, just to try and extract money from them.

I totally agree OP, and think you've raised a really good point