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AIBU?

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Original poster

Housing uncertainty

104 replies

Wiredup · 25/08/2018 12:33

Me and my OH have been together 3 years, both early 20s and have been discussing our future together.

He has recently bought a new house and is moving in this week. His parents have given him quite a large sum of money towards the deposit.

I haven’t discussed it with him, but am reluctant to move in with him. He officially asked me last night!

The way I see it is that his parents will always have a share in that house/ a hold over it.

I haven’t viewed the house or had any input in it, which is fine; it’s not my house.
I just feel like if I were to move somewhere with him I would like it to be a joint decision. I would have liked to live somewhere that physically suited both of us, location wise.

I feel that if we are moving in together, it should be a house that we chose as a couple.

I know he can maybe sell the house and move if we get married etc. It’s just what to do in the short term. To be honest I don’t know if he’ll ever want to live anywhere apart from his home village, and then where will we be. Advice please...

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 25/08/2018 18:01

Why the hell did you take the higher Warner on holiday and pay everything?

Everyone is rallying over themselves to give him stuff!

I'd not pay market rent for something I didn't choose and subsidizing his house. Get your own place!

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/08/2018 18:01

Earner clearly!

glintandglide · 25/08/2018 18:01

It’s not the same deal at all. It’s not a landlords mortgage. If she lived in Rented accommodation she could chose exactly what she wanted!

goodgirls · 25/08/2018 18:04

It’s not the same deal at all. It’s not a landlords mortgage. If she lived in Rented accommodation she could chose exactly what she wanted!

often it is a landlords mortgage. She can choose what she wants, and if she chooses to move in with him, she should pay a fair share.

glintandglide · 25/08/2018 18:05

What? It’s not a landlords mortgage, it’s her boyfriends mortgage. What does “often it’s a landlords mortgage” mean?

Bluelady · 25/08/2018 18:07

It means nobody should freeload off someone else just because they happen to be sleeping with them.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/08/2018 18:09

He's happy to freeload off her and his parents.

Popc0rn · 25/08/2018 18:11

@bluelady

It is not the same deal, as she would not be living in a random landlords house, she'd be living in her boyfriends house, who has chosen to buy this house on his own, and is therefore responsible for paying for it on his own.

Landlords rent out their houses to make a profit, who wants to make a profit from their partner?

rjay123 · 25/08/2018 18:12

Some people aren’t that bright eh?

At 16:54 you said “His house! I’ll pay half his bills, whatever they may be, ”

Then you changed your mind to it being all the bills, when you realised you were completely and utterly wrong.

glintandglide · 25/08/2018 18:13

It’s not freeloading. It’s practical. He’s taken away her opportunity to buy a house with him, she needs to protect herself financially until one day maybe they do. Paying half his mortgage isn’t the way. Neither is paying half the bills

Popc0rn · 25/08/2018 18:14

She's not freeloading because she's already said she's willing to pay half or all of the bills, plus she said her commute is going to be longer so more petrol costs for her.

Bluelady · 25/08/2018 18:15

So what should she pay for a roof over her head?

glintandglide · 25/08/2018 18:16

Nothing. That’s just the way it is. He decided to buy the house and decided he was happy to pay £400 a month for it so what’s the problem?

Bluelady · 25/08/2018 18:18

In which case, if she moved in and paid nothing, she's exchanging sex for a place to live. There's a word for women who do that.

RNBrie · 25/08/2018 18:21

I had a similar situation in reverse when I was younger. I wasn't comfortable with my partner paying towards the mortgage so I paid that and we split the bills in half. He put his "rent" money in a savings account which we then used to fund our holidays. It worked very well. When we split up, he kept the savings account and used it as a deposit for a rental.

glintandglide · 25/08/2018 18:22

Don’t be daft bluelady. They’re in a relationship, stop being so bloody offensive.

Original poster
Wiredup · 25/08/2018 18:22

Look folks

I didn’t ask for anyone’s take on financing our life together. I didn’t post this on the money thread. I was only replying to the other poster’s question when I said “we haven’t discussed sharing bills yet”

I asked for advice as to whether you would move into a house, for however many years, that you had not in any way been consulted over.

It’s not about the money. You’ve gone off track. It’s about whether the house will feel like my home. Whether this is the house that we will start our family in.

I just feel that a joint decision was the right way to go. Both financially and locationally.

Instead, he has moved closer to his family. His friends. His work. He loves the country, I wanted be closer to the city. We could have came to a compromise; half way between the two.
Everything just seems to be weighed in his favour and to his liking, because ultimately like I said - it is his house and he is inviting me to live with him.

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 25/08/2018 18:22

No she is paying the bills and tbf I would not move in and buy my own place why pay half of his place it's his place not hers he can kick her the day she pays his bills and there is nothing she can do about it

goodgirls · 25/08/2018 18:23

Nothing. That’s just the way it is. He decided to buy the house and decided he was happy to pay £400 a month for it so what’s the problem?

the problem is that adults don't live rent free in other peoples houses. They pay their own way. There is a big problem if you don't.

Bluelady · 25/08/2018 18:23

I think you're the daft one if you think it's OK to freeload because they're in a relationship. If I owned the house I wouldn't entertain the idea.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 25/08/2018 18:24

It doesn’t really sound like you see much of a future with him? And what’s your situation now? Are you currently paying rent on a place that’s never going to be yours? Because I don’t see why you’d move in and not pay some rent.

If the OP chooses to move there then she is choosing to live there so should pay a bit of rent. I’m not talking about half the mortgage but something plus bills

goodgirls · 25/08/2018 18:24

I just feel that a joint decision was the right way to go. Both financially and locationally

he clearer doesn't feel the same though?

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/08/2018 18:25

Honestly no. I wouldn't move in with him. He suited himself, bought with his parents, moved closer to his parents and didn't think about your needs at all. I would buy my own place where I wanted to be and probably think of this as a 'right now' relationship, not a long-term one.

TruffleShuffles · 25/08/2018 18:31

OP do you currently have the money available to put down to purchase a property if your partner had asked you to?

glintandglide · 25/08/2018 18:33

Yes adults do live rent free in their partners houses. Thousands of them, every day.

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