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Original poster

Men who tell you what to wear

117 replies

Yorkshireteas · 25/08/2018 08:56

He hasn't told me like that yet, but he sends me pics and says this and that would look nice on me. Been seeing him for 2 months, I don't know what to say. What do you think? Warning sign?

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 25/08/2018 09:32

@Didactylos Sat 25-Aug-18 09:12:00
oh no! where did my images go?

Images are there, I can see them Grin very stylish

MiroUnicorn · 25/08/2018 09:33

NameChangedAgain18
Forward him one of those spam emails for penis enlargement.
I am practically guffawing!! Grin

Lweji · 25/08/2018 09:36

It depends.
Are his suggestions along your taste, which would show he's thinking of you and taking your interests into consideration?
Or are his suggestions nothing to do with what you normally wear and feel like he's trying to change you?

Showpony2 · 25/08/2018 09:38

Creepy man

userabcname · 25/08/2018 09:39

I dated a guy once who did this. On one date, he made a bee line for Dorothy Perkins and spent a good half an hour trying to get me to buy a frilly pink tea dress for our next date as he preferred his girlfriends to wear "nice" dresses (was very judgey of anything above the knee). I didn't see him again.

AnyFucker · 25/08/2018 09:39

The most fitting response is "this isn't working for me...goodbye"

Oddcat · 25/08/2018 09:42

Have you asked for his opinion or input on what you wear ? If not then I think it's a red flag .

DULLDull · 25/08/2018 09:45

It's overstepping the mark from someone you've only known for 2 months. He sounds controlling.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 25/08/2018 09:46

Like people said, depends in context. My df could buy clothes for my DM, because he knew her taste (context here-she'd been in hospital a long time, lost loads of weight and wasn't up to shopping and needed a few things) that's ok. I had a bf who once sighed at me and said "I really don't like you wearing jeans, have you time to change?" In front of said DM and df (who were 😒😠 at him)-that's not ok.(no I didn't btw)
Does he enjoy shopping, have you been shopping with him? Maybe he's trying to be helpful, maybe he's being a controlling cunt.

theOtherPamAyres · 25/08/2018 09:50

I must be reading the Feminist chat board too much and particularly the thread about "trans widows" escaping from their ex's all consuming fetish. Never mind me!

He'll probably turn into one of those dreadful oppressive men that you see in Ladieswear, rummaging through the rails and picking out stuff for his other half. They give me the creeps. I have to stop myself asking "Is that for you?" (when they are holding a frilly horror of a blouse from Per Una).

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 25/08/2018 09:55

If It's something that you would have chosen for yourself (which shows he notices your clothes and understands your taste)maybe ok

If it's something totally different your usual style, massive red flag

MistressDeeCee · 25/08/2018 10:01

Men who tell you what to wear will leave you for a woman who dresses the total opposite of the 'uniform' he's imposed on you. Why haven't you told him you don't need outfit suggestions? 2 months in & he's already displaying control tendencies? Do you suggest what he should wear? He was attracted to you so must've liked your look, surely.

Perhaps you should send him pics of outfits he should wear. If you can be bothered. I wouldn't be.

cheesefield · 25/08/2018 10:01

Massive controlling red flag.

Botanicbaby · 25/08/2018 10:03

Did you ask for his help in deciding what to wear? After only a few months of knowing you is he the best person to advise what you like? Do you do it to him? I wouldn’t send him penis enlargement pics as I think that’s cruel. Could you constantly ask him to dress in a particular way to see how he likes it? Rapper style? Country tweeds? See if he doubts his own decision-making when getting dressed.

It’s really not worth the bother though. I bet he’s not a stylist, not that it matters. It would be almost hilarious if it wasn’t so bloody tragic that he genuinely thinks he can suggest what you wear. Tell him to GTF! Who the hell does he think he is?

Oh and please know that in future anyone suggesting what you should wear is basically saying they don’t like what you wear already so they don’t actually like you as you are.

This is a world of difference from a LTR where one of you says X outfit suits you better than Y for example.

Original poster
Yorkshireteas · 25/08/2018 10:29

Its not something I'd wear, and I never asked him for advice. He just started randomly sending me pictures about certain outfits he will like to see on me, nothing revealing or sexy. Jeans, tracksuit bottoms etc. That's what he likes to wear, it's like he's trying to make me the female version of him.

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 25/08/2018 10:35

I think it's sweet. He's thinking of you. There are some doom mongers on this thread!

UpstartCrow · 25/08/2018 10:36

Is he a cross dresser?

garethsouthgatesmrs · 25/08/2018 10:42

I think it's sweet

It isn't sweet its creepy. If he is thinking if her why doesn't he just send her a nice message or a picture of some cite kittens or something. This is essentially imposing his tastes on her which is a sign of a controlling man.

AnoukSpirit · 25/08/2018 10:44

They almost never start off saying "you must wear this". Successfully manipulating and controlling people requires a hell of a lot more subtlety than that.

Two months in and, in your words, he's trying to change you into a version of himself.

Big fat neon warning sign.

It's not fucking "sweet" to immediately start trying to change someone. If you love them, you love them for who they are - not for the potential to mould them into something new of your choosing. That is not what a healthy relationship looks like.

RUN. FAST.

Willow2017 · 25/08/2018 10:48

I think it's sweet. He's thinking of you. There are some doom mongers on this thread

Telling someone you have known.2 months "i want to see you dressed like this"
Is not sweet at all its controlling and creepy. Who does he think he is telling op how to dress to please him?

End it now op or you will have this crap forever.

formerbabe · 25/08/2018 10:53

I think it's sweet. He's thinking of you

How naive you are.

Op...run.

Been with my oh for ten years plus...he's never once even commented on my clothes.

SinkGirl · 25/08/2018 10:54

It would be sweet if he had already fully understood OPs style and sent her things saying “I thought you’d love this”.

Saying he wants her to wear stuff that’s not her style at all? Huge red flag.

Krouse64 · 25/08/2018 10:55

I work in a clothes shop, and the amount of women who try on an outfit love it and their partner says no is unbelievable. I’ve had women crying and saying please can I buy it and their partner refuses. Please tell him to take his ideas and shove them

DrDiva · 25/08/2018 11:01

Your first post, I was on the fence. Your second post, I say that’s a big no. Run away now.

My DH likes to have a look through my clothing catalogues - I say it’s his vicarious thrill, as he feels unable to wear this stuff himself. And actually, he’s good at picking my style! He’d never tell me what to wear, though.

Topseyt · 25/08/2018 11:07

Buy clothes if you like them and would be comfortable wearing them.

Is he trying to dictate, or is he trying to be nice but overstepping the mark?

If you feel he is trying to dictate and you are uncomfortable then you know what to do if he argues or doesn't back off when you tell him.

I wouldn't want someone trying to tell me what to where.

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