To not go to wedding tonight?

[LucyDontLockIt]

Have known friend for around 4 years. We're not massively close but have been out a couple of times with hubbies in tow. They get on well but I always get the impression that they see DH as a bit of a joke and they take the piss out of him a fair bit. Admittedly he can be a bit of a clown but he's an intelligent bloke, good job, very skilled and he'll be friends with anyone - very sociable and down to earth but I just get the feeling they laugh at him rather than with him.

WE've stayed at their house a couple of times which was obviously very hospitable of them. First time was great but 2nd time they again took the piss out of DH a lot, caught them a few times exchanging glances when we spoke. They ripped the piss out of a gift DH had taken down and started banging on about how their other friends were going a couple of nights later and taking home cooked beef etc etc ... just made us feel a bit like the "rough" friends that they tolerate iyswim?? They're quite posh, DH and I (despite being "on paper" quite well off, financial more so than they are!) are I suppose a bit rough, we both grew up on council estates, we drink lager, we're not tidy or organised so we seem like unlikely friends anyway.

A few months ago one of their family burst out laughing at the thought of DH and I being together saying that he assumed DH was gay - he said this to his face. It all got laughed off but I felt a bit sad for DH really (who was great and laughed it off but I could tell he was embarrassed).
It's their wedding do tonight and DH and I are invited. I accepted months ago but we've hardly been in touch since. We were meant to be going to their house a few weeks back, I had to cancel for health issues and I got a text back saying it was fine as they were looking forward to a quiet weekend anyway. Didn't quite know how to take that.

I've not been the best mate I admit, I cancel plans a lot and don't always respond to texts until weeks later. I have mental health issues and I'm shit at human interaction!

We won't know anyone at the wedding, that bloke that called DH gay will be there, it's miles out of the way and we go on holiday on Monday and haven't even packed yet. WIBU not to go? It would spell the end of the friendship.

Fuck that. They've no respect. Stay at home and spend your money on a naice takeaway for you both.

These people are not your friends.

Don't go and let that be the end of this "friendship", and a lovely new beginning for you and DH.

It's not unreasonable to not go to the wedding if you don't care much for the friendship. But feeling insulted that someone thought your partner was gay is feckin ridiculous. Grow up.

If you have rsvped yes, then yes it would be massively U to just not turn up/cancel on the day of the wedding.

And who cares if someone thought your dh was gay? Is this really something to hold a grudge about?!

I wasn't insulted that someone thought he was gay - but most blokes would be a bit put out to be publically told they were camp! You grow up

They sound like massive tick-turds.

Don't go, and then ghost them.

It's a bit insulting when other people say that they thought the person you are married to is gay surely?? Implies they're not really interested in being married to you.

Don't go and don't bother seeing them again.

I can see why you don't want to go, but you should have declined the invitation at the time. Deciding you don't want to go when you have sent a formal acceptance and the party is tonight is very poor form.

All these incidents you describe have not just happened, you should have thought about it before now.

In my opinion, this really isn’t a friendship for you (nor your DH). If you have RSVP you’re coming, and simply not show up, likely that’ll be the end of it.

It’s not right how they’ve treated your DH, but also not right simply to not show up at the wedding. You’ll know they’ve paid for you already and may have had to not invite someone else to accommodate you.

Perhaps the best thing is to email the friend and let her know you’re not coming and simply say you’re sorry. Don’t give a reason (the holiday thing isn’t relevant).

Then go NC as it’s not a friendship for you.

You've said you were going to the wedding, so I think you should go, and then if you still feel like you do, cut the contact.

It would be really rude and probably spell the end of the friendship but if that doesn’t especially bother you, don’t go. To be honest it doesn’t seem like you all really connect anyway and they appear to be quite nasty. I would end the friendship but it would have been more polite to have done it at a time other than the wedding iyswim.

If your DH's friends treated you like that, surely you'd expect him to have your back. Therefore, don't tolerate them being nasty to him. Remove yourself from the "friendship". Don't go to the wedding. He is being used to entertain them, and that's not on.

If you don't want to go wish them well and explain you aren't very well and don't want to pass it on at the wedding or something along those lines and then don't put any more effort in or feel obliged to return any messages/calls. Let the relationship fizzle out.
It is fairly U of you to agree to go and then just not turn up on the day. I don't know why they invited you if they truly feel as you have described.

Are you sure you just don't want to go to the wedding because you're shit at human interaction (to quote you)?

It's very expensive having a wedding so to have people not show up for no obvious reason is galling. Particularly when you may have people on the long invite list that didn't make the cut would be very annoying. But then again, if you don't really care about the friendship progressing, it's a clear message to them!

I wouldn't go if I was in the same situation. Then you can find out who is in your attic!!

Loveyoutothemoon

They sound more like frenemies.

I would go to the wedding at this point though as it is rude to cancel at the last minute. If people start to take the piss, use the standard MN "Did you mean to be so rude?"

End the friendship afterwards.

Obviously it's pretty poor form to not turn up to a wedding you've said you would attend, but as you don't seem that bothered about their friendship anymore, don't go.

Sometimes it's not what people say that's upsetting/infuriating, it's how they say it: bursting out laughing at a couple in this way isn't just a funny misunderstanding, as it seems they were laughing at you and your relationship. It sounds to me like he was trying to embarrass you, or get a laugh at your and your DH's expense. Don't go to the wedding, and don't hang around with these people anymore. You don't get anything out of the relationship, and they seem to tolerate you in order to feel superior. If anyone took the piss out of me or my husband I certainly wouldn't be giving them the opportunity to do it again.

You've said you were going to the wedding, so I think you should go, and then if you still feel like you do, cut the contact.

WTF. They sound like dicks, don't go!!!!

I'm guessing as you're going tonight, you haven't been invited to the "main event" so they're hardly going to be out of pocket.

Why on earth did you accept?

It would be rude to just not go-at least have the decency to let them know.

It does just sound like excuses though.

You've got tomorrow & Sunday to pack!

Why are you friends with them if they show such massive disrespect to your husband?

Is it just the evening do you have been invited to? If so, I would give an excuse and no bother going. Let the friendship reach it's natural end and move on.

I think the issue is that you have already said you are going so you should go. I can see why you wouldn't want to though but really you should have declined at the time.