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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Paying for your nanny's lunches

98 replies

nannykins22 · 23/08/2018 20:30

Am I being unreasonable? I am the nanny.. I take care of 2 children. The mother gave me a hefty kitty to entertain the children for 4 days this week. I spent less than half of the kitty! On one of the days, I took the children for pizza for lunch - 99% of the time I make sandwiches, and never buy lunch, so the pizza was a treat. I work all day with no set lunch, I eat when the children eat..

When I submitted the breakdown of expenditure this week, the parent removed my pizza and drink, and only refunded me the children's expenses...

I think this is utterly unfair! To put into context, I NEVER submitted any additional expenses for my lunch, this was a one off!

Do you pay for your child carer's lunch? Within reason?!!! Am I being unreasonable?!!!

OP posts:

lastqueenofscotland · 23/08/2018 20:31

Yanbu when I was a nanny if we were going out for food the parents would aways cover my cost

puzzledlady · 23/08/2018 20:32

YANBU. I pay for my nanny’s lunch and her dinner - plus everything else in between that she or the children might want.

Kintan · 23/08/2018 20:33

That’s so stingy! I don’t have a nanny but if I did I would hope I wouldn’t be so petty and mean.

puzzledlady · 23/08/2018 20:33

I would bring it up with them if I were you but I can also understand that it’s not an easy conversation to have either.

rubyslippers · 23/08/2018 20:34

I always paid for my nanny’s lunches and snacks when she was with my kids
Same with my au pair if she takes them out
Anything else is very mean

CoughLaughFart · 23/08/2018 20:35

Next time take it out of the kitty 🐱

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 23/08/2018 20:35

Yeah that is totally nuts. So you should pay for your own food when sitting with and caring for their children?

I haven’t nannied for years but I would have been at this

WutheringFrights · 23/08/2018 20:36

With us it’s a bit of give and take but our nanny is like family to us!
We make sure there is suitable food to feed everyone at home, if they go out she’ll make up a picnic or sometimes buy them lunch if they are out over lunchtime unexpectedly.
If she buys lunch because we have no food in or we’ve asked her to take them out we pay but if they are out and for example she grabs a packet of chips from the local chippy because it was easier for her she doesn’t even ask for the money.
If she took them for a treat like a pizza once in a blue moon we would happily pay but would usually agree to the outing first.

EustaciaPieface · 23/08/2018 20:36

Another without a nanny, but of course they should pay for that! I hope you can find a way to raise it with them.

MatildaTheCat · 23/08/2018 20:37

Tell her you won’t be able to take the children to any cafes or restaurants from now on as you cannot afford to pay for yourself while looking after the children. Really, do say this or she will start suggesting that you go for a pizza etc and look affronted when you decline or don’t.

YANBU.

HollowTalk · 23/08/2018 20:38

If you're in a café or restaurant and the children are eating, you have to have something, don't you, otherwise you wouldn't all be allowed to stay. You'd have to have at least a drink.

I do think you should get an agreement for meals out beforehand, though.

villainousbroodmare · 23/08/2018 20:38

YANBU. I provide or pay for lunch and often send her home with a portion of whatever I make for our dinner so that she doesn't have to cook when she gets home. I think that sort of pennypinching is horrible and also pretty stupid when you're employing someone to care for your children where goodwill means a lot.

NotNowBernardmonster · 23/08/2018 20:39

YANBU at all! We pay for all our nanny's lunches, whether at home or out and about. Extremely stingy in my view.

wizzywig · 23/08/2018 20:40

I pay for the nannys lunch. Are you new to the job? Are your employers very rigid about those rules?

expatinspain · 23/08/2018 20:40

Cool, ask for a paid lunch break right in the middle of the day while you look after the kids and go get your own lunch. That is so tight and cheeky. If I were you I would be looking for another job with a family who actually appreciate you!!

Ohhbollix · 23/08/2018 20:43

Wow. How horrible and stingy of them. What are they like with you the rest of the time? Are you happy with the family in general?

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 23/08/2018 20:43

I'm not a nanny but my employer absolutely would pay in such circumstances

Racecardriver · 23/08/2018 20:46

If its not a daily occurance I wouldn't think twice about it tbf. What were you supposed to do? Sit there with a glass of water while they ate? What kind of message does that send children about staff? Are they stingy about everything?

atomicfission · 23/08/2018 20:46

It's in our contract that we pay for our nanny's lunch. However, the assumption is that she prepares something at home (either to eat at home or to take out with them). If she took the children out for pizza etc as a one-off, I wouldn't dream of asking her to pay for her own meal. But if it became a regular occurrence I wouldn't be very pleased (for both healthiness and cost reasons). Perhaps the happy compromise is that you ask in advance if you plan to have a meal out (or agree that you'll only do it eg once a fortnight) and make clear that if they won't pay for your meal too, you won't take them.

Certainly YANBU. Your employer sounds very stingy.

MerryDeath · 23/08/2018 20:48

unbelievably stingy and petty. like you aren't doing THE MOST important job for them and they begrudge you a pizza you wouldn't be eating if it weren't for the children. that's how people get to afford nannies i suppose by being mean spirited. i'd look for a new job, not urgently but that would rile me..

firstworldproblems2018 · 23/08/2018 20:48

YANBU but I would have checked before taking them.

Leonard1 · 23/08/2018 20:48

Well do they expect you to sit and watch their children eating whilst you wait till you get back home? Of corse they should pay for you. Lunch out is fun but also time to teach table manners and generally how to behave. They are unreasonable

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 23/08/2018 20:51

Surely in any other employment this is just classed as subsistence, and the employer pays for it? I.e. when I am in my normal place of employment I am expected to find my own lunch, off site for a meeting, training, etc. the employers foots the bill.

So going by that reasoning, you take your own lunch to work in their home, but out and about... they pay.

Rebecca36 · 23/08/2018 20:56

Your employers are welll mean. Nanny lunches are part of the package.

delphguelph · 23/08/2018 20:57

Let me guess.... They are super wealthy?

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