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AIBU?

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Original poster

Paying for your nanny's lunches

98 replies

nannykins22 · 23/08/2018 20:30

Am I being unreasonable? I am the nanny.. I take care of 2 children. The mother gave me a hefty kitty to entertain the children for 4 days this week. I spent less than half of the kitty! On one of the days, I took the children for pizza for lunch - 99% of the time I make sandwiches, and never buy lunch, so the pizza was a treat. I work all day with no set lunch, I eat when the children eat..

When I submitted the breakdown of expenditure this week, the parent removed my pizza and drink, and only refunded me the children's expenses...

I think this is utterly unfair! To put into context, I NEVER submitted any additional expenses for my lunch, this was a one off!

Do you pay for your child carer's lunch? Within reason?!!! Am I being unreasonable?!!!

OP posts:
Hidillyho · 23/08/2018 22:05

I’m guessing they are being unreasonable but to be honest I don’t really know the job role ins and outs of a nanny. I’m assuming it’s not a job where you get breaks (unless you’re looking after a baby who naps) and wouldn’t know the average pay you would get.
Seeing as you probably only go pizza was so you could take their children out in which case they are being very unreasonable.
Have you worked there long?

slinkysaluki · 23/08/2018 22:08

They are what I would call mean spirited, not a good trait in my view

bbcessex · 23/08/2018 22:15

Hi OP

How long have you been with this family?

When we had nannies, the kitty was actual cash in a tin. They used it as needed and left receipts in the tin. Did the parents ask for the money back??? 😱

Also had you agreed with them you’d take the children out for lunch? How have they been other times you’ve done it?

Dannygirl · 23/08/2018 22:16

We have employed a nanny for 10 years and they are definitely being unreasonable! No wonder you’re upset about how they’ve treated you!

NotTheWayISeeIt · 23/08/2018 22:26

I think your employer made a mistake but I don’t think she was wildly unreasonable. I wouldn’t expect to pay for a nanny’s meal unless I’d requested them to take the kids out for food or if eating out had to be part of the day iyswim.

You mention that you only spent ‘half the kitty’ but I don’t see how that’s relevant. Im sure your employer wasn’t wanting you to look for ways to spend the remainder.

If I were you I would have either asked beforehand or would have just picked up a meal deal type lunch.

I think it would also have made a difference where you went for your pizza lunch and the cost of your meal and drink.

I wouldn’t worry about it but would chalk it up to experience and lack of communication from both sides.

Aaaahfuck · 23/08/2018 22:28

Your employer sounds like a twat. Were you supposed to eat when you got home or get a sandwich and eat it on a bench? You wouldn't be having the pizza if you weren't looking after the kids so they should pay.

MelbourneClown03 · 23/08/2018 22:30

That is utterly stingy. When I worked as a nanny my food was included alongside the children's. Occasionally we'd stop at a cafe for a hot chocolate on the way home from school. As this was my decision, it was 'my treat' to the kids but other than that the parents forked out for my meal's out alongside their kid's.

StringandGlitter · 23/08/2018 22:32

What does it say in your contract about them being back late? Can you charge them overtime?

perfectstorm · 23/08/2018 22:32

Really bad. We have a nanny this summer as I'm having medical treatment. I fully expect to cover meal costs for her when they're out. It's not as though taking a toddler to Pizza Express or a zoo is a jolly for our nanny! I'm really sorry. And I think the parent's a fool, frankly. A good nanny is the biggest relief for me right now - she's my DD's key worker from playgroup and my child truly does love her, so it's one less thing to worry about, knowing she is secure and safe and being beautifully looked after. The idea she should go out of pocket for providing my child with a lovely treat...? It makes me feel a bit sick at the lack of appreciation it displays. You deserve better than that.

Stimmyplip · 23/08/2018 22:35

In 20 years of nannying my lunch was paid for.

I ran agencies and would advise any client that nanny food is part of the package. Both at home and eating out.

WellErrr · 23/08/2018 22:36

I don’t think she was wildly unreasonable. I wouldn’t expect to pay for a nanny’s meal unless I’d requested them to take the kids out for food or if eating out had to be part of the day iyswim.
You mention that you only spent ‘half the kitty’ but I don’t see how that’s relevant. Im sure your employer wasn’t wanting you to look for ways to spend the remainder.
If I were you I would have either asked beforehand or would have just picked up a meal deal type lunch.

This.

It was your choice to go out to a restaurant OP, not your employers.

WellErrr · 23/08/2018 22:37

Occasionally we'd stop at a cafe for a hot chocolate on the way home from school. As this was my decision, it was 'my treat' to the kids but other than that the parents forked out for my meal's out alongside their kid's.

But in this case it was the OP's decision, so why should the parents pay?

RavenWings · 23/08/2018 22:38

I think yanbu. As said above I'd be pushing them then for a paid lunch break within normal lunch hours - so no supervising kids - if that's how they want to play it.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 23/08/2018 22:40

What is the job like generally? I wouldn’t feel great about working for them if this is how they see things.

CherryPavlova · 23/08/2018 22:41

Totally unreasonable behaviour on employers part.

NellieBee · 23/08/2018 22:42

Unbelievable. I'd show them this thread!

GhostPerfume · 23/08/2018 22:43

Stop covering free late home. Charge for it

errhelloitsme · 23/08/2018 22:44

WTF!
I would say " In light of recent experiences I just want to let you know that I will no longer be able to take the children out to cafes or restaurants as I can't afford to go".
See what they say...

bbcessex · 23/08/2018 22:45

Ravenswings - that’s not how nannying works. Nannies do not get a paid lunch break - who would look after the children if they did?

Also OP hasn’t given any other information at all - plus says she got a kitty, yet wasn’t reimbursed...

Bit unclear and unfair to blame parents without more detail.

RavenWings · 23/08/2018 22:46

Stop covering free late home. Charge for it

Yes, this. If they're not going to give a bit in the relationship, I don't see why you should.

I do similar as a teacher - I don't mind hanging on to a child after school ends for a few mins if it's a rare occurrence. Habitual late pickups get their kids sent to after school supervision, and the parents can pay for it.

RavenWings · 23/08/2018 22:47

The parents can solve the issue of who supervises the kids. I just feel that if they are going to be sticklers, she shouldn't be giving them any leeway whatsoever.

hibbledibble · 23/08/2018 22:48

Yanbu

Either your employer doesn't want you to spend money on pizza out (which is fair enough if their budget doesn't stretch to this, but this should be discussed in advance), or they are happy for you to take the children for pizza, and they also pay for yours. As I understand it, nannies have their food included during working hours, as unlike other jobs, they can't take a lunch break to go out and buy food, so a free lunch is to make up for this. It's also good for the children for everyone to eat the same food together.

I would talk to your employer about whether pizza out is an issue, and if it isn't, what they expect you to do while the children are eating.

bbcessex · 23/08/2018 22:48

Ravenwings - I don’t think you’ve quite grasped the concept of why people have nannies.....

GirlfriendInAKorma · 23/08/2018 22:49

A cost incurred through doing your job should be classed as expenses and paid for by your employer.

I'd agree with them up front how much you can spend .. I.e. £10 per meal or something

Brambleboo · 23/08/2018 22:50

I think you might have to chalk this one up to experience, but look to come to some agreement going forward. And also discuss the additional hours you have been giving away for free. In this kind of environment I would expect there needs to be some give and take, but you shouldn't be providing your services for free on a regular basis.

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