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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking SIL is just lazy..?

114 replies

Silissues · 23/08/2018 13:34

Bit concerned that Dbro's OH is being taken advantage of.

They DBro and SIL have a 4 yr old with ASD. She gets DLA and carer's allowance for her. SIL doesn't work (DBro works 50 + hours per week) and SIL is a PT student, changing to FT this Autumn when their DD starts school so will no longer receive carer's allowance I assume. I don't think they are entitled to any other benefits.

Depsite long hours at his job, they are just about scraping by. SIL refusing to look for a job because she wants to finish her course. It's with OU so why she can't study in the evening I don't know. Their house is always a mess too.

AIBU to think she should get a job to help DBro out? Should I say something to him?

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 23/08/2018 15:27

Incidentally, I found it so frustrating, having no adult input, that I volunteered for the CAB, just because I was so keen to do something in a quasi-professional manner. Had to stop, because all the meetings and appointments for DS made even part-time, school-hours volunteering impossible.

You have no fucking clue. And that, again, makes me feel really sorry for that mum because her relative is busy making narrow-eyed assumptions instead of actually trying to offer support.

MoistCantaloupe · 23/08/2018 15:52

Why would you think that's your business?

Fireworks91 · 23/08/2018 15:54

Reverse?

Mrsfrumble · 23/08/2018 16:00

I'd love to think it was a reverse or troll.

Just recently I was on a thread where mothers of children with HFA were discussing how they'd love to work, but their children could not cope with wrap -around-care and holiday clubs, and some twat popped up to tell everyone to stop "underestimating" their children and "using them as an excuse" not to work.

So some people really are that ignorant.

Changedname220 · 23/08/2018 16:04

You sound quite bitter. Why don’t you offer to do some cleaning a couple of hours a week to lighten the load. Or take the child out one Saturday afternoon a month so they can ‘get stuff done at home’

Somanymistakes · 23/08/2018 16:05

@TatterdemalionAspie

No. It is International Show Your True Cunty Self Day!

TeaByTheSeaside · 23/08/2018 16:05

Yes I think a reverse too.

If not, you're being extremely unfair to your SIL.

Definitely do not say anything.

YeTalkShiteHen · 23/08/2018 16:21

Everyone suggesting that OP takes the child, have you taken leave of your senses?

The absolute last place someone so wilfully ignorant and shitty about autism should be is left in sole charge of an autistic child!

SilverySurfer · 23/08/2018 16:35

Mind Your Own Business. WTF has it to do with you - get on with your own life or is it too dull for you?

LightDrizzle · 23/08/2018 16:43

You are a nosey cow.

Keep out of their business.

CSIblonde · 23/08/2018 16:47

How is looking after an ASD child & studying to improve your employment prospects lazy. You brothers relationship is none of your business. Having no empathy & stirring is really unsupportive.

raisedbyguineapigs · 23/08/2018 17:17

yetalkshit I think the suggesters ( including myself) know full well that the OP will never help out with the child, because her purpose is just to be a judgemental bitch. Given the choice between actually being helpful and slinking off and minding her own business, chances are she will choose the latter.

Original poster
Silissues · 23/08/2018 17:49

Sorry to have had you on but this was a reverse. I hate reverses so am really sorry but I wanted to check IWBU because I was starting to doubt myself.

It wasn't my lovely SIL but another family member. I have changed a couple of (irrelevant) details so it wasn't too indentifying.

I'm not cross just a bit sad that people may think this about me Sad I struggle with MH issues anyway so I was doubting myself. I worry that I'm lazy sometimes so to hear that someone else thinks so...Sad

Thanks to everyone who commented for your understanding and sorry again for the reverse

OP posts:
notsohippychick · 23/08/2018 17:50

I’m so ecstatic this thread is a resounding Fuck Off to the OP.

You guys are (apart from the OP who is clearly a fuckwit of epic proportions) are fabulous.

As a Mum if two children with ASD, I love you all xxx

notsohippychick · 23/08/2018 17:51

Oh thank god!!!

notsohippychick · 23/08/2018 17:52

Sorry for calling you a fuckwit op! You are clearly not but whoever is saying these things about you is a massive one!

Sending lots of love and ignore the fuckers!

YeTalkShiteHen · 23/08/2018 17:53

So glad it’s a reverse!

MerryDeath · 23/08/2018 17:53

none of your business. and to have a job and have a school age child let alone a school age child with ASD and then after a full day of that shit sit down a do an OU degree is a ludicrously tall order.

MerryDeath · 23/08/2018 17:55

oh ffs you might be right but you are a bloody patronising time waster and ought to be banned for this nonsense

Armchairanarchist · 23/08/2018 17:56

Have you ever offered to help? Having a disabled child is far more exhausting than any job and SIL is studying too! How dare you call her lazy!

Theresnodisneyending · 23/08/2018 17:57

Oh, thank god! OP - YOU. ARE. AMAZING. Not only are you raising a child with additional needs, you are helping run a household AND you are studying at OU!!!! So glad this is a reverse.

Powerless · 23/08/2018 18:09

@YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake Well said!!!! 👏

@Silissues Whilst I see your point, I have to agree with *Youcantbesad
*
I am a disabled single parent to a 3yr old with ASD and we're stuck in a 3 storey house (only Landlord that would accept me with disabilities!)

I don't work besides recently starting Usborne Books, and I can barely cope with my daughter, let alone eating myself, cleaning, laundry and actually leaving the house! As for organising events for Usborne....well I don't think it's going to work out! Sadly.

Honestly, I'm not trying to flame you OP, as before my daughter began showing signs of ASD, I would've fully agreed with you!
Nobody knows what it's like or how hard it is with a child with ASD until you've sat on your kitchen floor sobbing, with a sore throat from screaming with frustration. Wondering why you deserve this.

Maybe offer to babysit? That will give you an insight into how hard it is. Then at that point you can decide whether to judge her. Serious, genuine suggestion....

KoalasAteMyHomework · 23/08/2018 18:09

Hopefully the resounding comments on here agreeing that you are in fact doing incredibly well will give you a confidence boost. So I totally forgive you for doing a reverse.
Good luck with your studies x

KoalasAteMyHomework · 23/08/2018 18:13

On a side note, I find the suggestion of getting a family member to childmind to see how hard it is a little odd.
I know autism presents differently for everyone so perhaps its more possible for other people, but there are literally 3 people (inc DH) and preschool that I could leave my son with. He would not cope with anyone else, even family, without a lot of building up to it. I certainly couldn't put him through that stress just to prove a point.

Powerless · 23/08/2018 18:16

If this IS a reverse.....not sure what to believe now. Any mother of a child with ASD would not need MN to tell them they're far from lazy!!