Best Seller - Why Mummy Drinks etc ...?

[todayiwin]

Disclaimer - I have not read this book but very familiar with this type of book and various blogs, Hurrah for Gin etc. I am also aware I don't have to read it, scroll in past.

My DM is an alcoholic, Sober 10 Years through recovery in a 12 Step programme. This I am eternally grateful for, DM was an active alcoholic for over 20 years, my childhood was a living hell at times. I am dealing with this as an adult.

Now here is my AIBU.

AIBU that these books, blogs are justifying and glamorising drinking as a parent and it's your child's fault? Extract below. I'm probably struggling at the moment in dealing with my past but there is no way on earth I ever want my DC thinking "Mummy drinks because of me"

"But Mummy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who ‘live for their children’ and stand in the playground trying to trump each other with their offspring’s extracurricular activities and achievements, and boasting about their latest holidays.
Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering ‘FML’ over and over again"

Probably over thinking it to be honest.

Completely agree with PP if this were lower class people SS would soon be called.

I live in quite a nice area, the pubs are dominated by parent drinkers often with the kids in tow, yet I can hand on heart tell you when it had been a single mother in there she was reported to SS. So many double standards surrounding this as well.

YANBU - my SM was an alcoholic and memories of her in a booze induced rage scare me to this day. The gin & processco culture is just normalizing functioning alcoholism. I also rarely drink.

Anyway, think I’ve ranted enough

I think having my pissed NDN trying to buy all of our toys that are outside from a very annoyed DP last night has set my tone.

It’s just such fucking arse gravy

All of it; it just gives me the heave and I hope all of them plus their semi-related instamum twatty bollocks are eliminated within a couple of years, I can’t bear it (and I have unfollowed).

@crikeycrumbsblimey this was me. Yes I also drank at lunchtime

Let's roll back here.

I've not seen read book or blog.

Do I personally agree or like the strong links with socialising, drinking laughing about it in the the UK and normalising drink culture.. No.

Should any parent be rolling around drunk on a regular basis in front of their dc? No! Or drunk sloshing around... No.

But many parents, mums do drink to relax after a hard day. It's bonkers to pretend they don't.

There are alcoholics, benders and alcoholics.

You can't lump everyone in together.

Many Muslims do drink alcohol and many take drugs sell drugs etc. So I don't know why you even mentioned or brought religion into it.

A mum having two large glasses of wine every night may not get remotely drunk or tipsy on the that. But it's still too much health wise.

Someone else would have one glass and be very tipsy. It's impossible to say.. I'm widowed, 50 stone, I live on a remote Scottish Isle with no support and I have endless list of illness and 5 dc with ld and 5 under five but I don't drink, take drugs or take prescription drugs.. I do yoga.

If anyone drank to wind down after the tough day I feel for them. I won't judge them and sneer at them.
Because I'm not bloody well them and I don't know what their going through.

I have had several alcoholics in my family and yes growing up. The actual alcoholic wasn't too much of an issue, they they drank too much and had discipline to reign it back.. but the problem drinker was seriously out of control.

Yanbu as far as I'm concerned. It normalises high functioning alcoholism as far as I'm concerned.

@todayiwin

Hope it is better for you now. I’m still working out if I can do anything about my friend - the baby isn’t in danger but she doesn’t interact with them at all.

I'm also the daughter of an alcoholic. I drink but not a lot as I've always hated hangovers and particularly so after having children, but I think I've had 6 hangovers in 14 years of parenthood. I always felt it was a waste of a day I could spend with my DC or having some me time while MIL was still there. So no judgement here re mothers drinking, and I once used the phrase "it is now wine o'clock" (last week on holiday and my 2 DS said - wow is it really 9 o'clock already mum!!!!).

However, I have noticed over the past decade an increased normalising of alcohol drinking on TV. Where once women met friends for coffee now they always have a glass of wine, high powered women with big careers have several large glasses after a busy day and mothers with young children on TV and in popular fiction unwind with a glass or two or three of white wine. I just feel that it is a marketing ploy by the big drinks manufacturers but it is very difficult for those who have a problem or who are trying to cut down because every time you sit down to watch a TV programme they are opening a glass of wine.

I know people will say that this does not cause alcoholism but I worked in marketing and we only spent money on product placement in TV programmes because it worked.

And as for the OP - I hate those books too, but mostly because they are smug and try hard.

Interesting perspective on the marketing side annas! I think you’re on to something there.

I am the daughter of an alcoholic and my sibling died due to alcohol. I haven't read Why Mummy Drinks but I have read Hurrah for gin. It's really not about the gin, I found it hugely supportive when struggling with young children. It's more about the message that it's ok to feed your children beige food sometimes and hate going to the park and not everyone is like the perfect social media mums.

When I had HG with my second baby and felt I was hugely letting my toddler down as I had to spend much of the day sitting quietly or I'd puke Hurrah for Gin and The Unmumsy mum books really helped me. The message wasn't 'let's get shitfaced' it was 'you're not perfect, but none of us are and you do your best for your children'.

And as for the OP - I hate those books too, but mostly because they are smug and try hard.

I'm curious if you've actually read them?

I find the ' gin oclock' thing tedious and boring.

It's painful listening to the schiol mum's wgen we are at parties shrilling on about Proesseco, gin and the like as if their lives are dependent on it and 'you need it to get through when you have kids ha ha'

So @Roseandvioletcreams how do you justify your post

"Many people do have to anthetise themselves though to cope with their dc and thier lives at times"

I'll remind my younger self that when my DM was in a vomit coma it was her way of coping with me. Was I really that bad she had to do that?

I kind of agree with you op although I do like the Peter and Jane stuff and wouldn't say it causes people to become alcoholics or anything. However what I think you mean is that it has become almost acceptable and a sort of joke between women that many people are skating on the edge of becoming functioning alcoholics. Drinking at home alone is not a source of shame now but almost encouraged. Is that Ok? I'm not sure. I drank in the evenings from when my son was about 2 and it increased over the years to the point I was hiding it, drinking in the morning sometimes, making a fool of myself at occasions etc. No-one would have thought anything of it. Even my husband didn't think there was a problem and he doesn't drink. But there was and in the end I stopped for a year to break the habit after I drove while slightly tipsy :( The fact is though while I was in the situation it seemed normal and everyone else I knew was drinking in the evening - some more than me. We all laughed about how we needed a glass of wine at 5pm. Turns out it's not always that funny and can be dangerous. Alcohol is an addictive substance. Most of my friends drink a lot less now after my year off. Maybe they started questioning themselves too? Who knows?

I haven't read the book (not having kids myself) but I too find the glamorising of prosecco / gin / wine o'clock worrying so I think YANBU.

I personally got sucked in to a geezer-bird phase in the '00's and caned the drinking and drugs and partying. It was all glorified. The circles I was in also held dinner parties where you brought a bottle and a gram (so middle-class...) It was absolutely normal and oh so cool. A few people were starting families at the same time and more than a few children conceived after a night on coke.

I'm now 4 months sober. My friends and family still drink in the same way (time to open a bottle at 5 o'clock on weeknights, or start at 1pm at the weekend) It's okay though because other people do it - and make a successful living writing about it too.

I do get that a lot of people can have a glass or 2 and stop, personally I can only stop after a bottle or 2. I have an addictive personality and am very susceptible to visual triggers - I had a whiskey and martini phase when I watched Madmen and whiskey and fag phase watching the original Prime Suspect!

My parents were both alcohol and drug users - my mum used while she was pregnant with me so there could be a link there. I so wish I could drink like a 'normal' person though.

Wow - Annasgirl I wrote my post before reading yours - you've made me feel a bit better

Slightly off topic - I did find the series 'The Letdown' about a slummy mummy on Netflix hilarious. One of the best shows I've seen in ages.

My mother is an alcoholic. I don't find the books offensive but I do think they add to the normalisation of drinking culture that it really prominent in Britain at that moment.

I've read the books and the blog, they're intended to be funny and it's made up for goodness sake, not government guidelines on a healthy lifestyle. Many middle aged women do drink more than is good for them but I don't believe reading a book like these influences behaviour.

An older version of Bridget Jones really. My kids are grown up now but some of the Peter and Jane fb posts make me laugh and take me back. She's a good writer and not everything in life has to be serious.

They aren't funny, they're inane. They appeal to a certain type of person - thank goodness I'm not one.

It’s grim.

The very naice, neighbouring primary school to ours had some kind of picnic in the adjacent playground on the last day of term. We went to play at the park the following morning and the bin was overflowing with empty bottles of prosecco. How is that any different than cans of Special Brew? And I do think it’s inappropriate in front of children. It was the last day of school FGS! Lollies and ice cream surely, not a booze up for the yummy mummies?

They appeal to a certain type of person i.e. one Professor Moody has decided is inferior to her/him and who can therefore be insulted and looked down upon with impunity, no matter how many other positive qualities they may have - having a different sense of humour is Beyond The Pale.

They aren't funny, they're inane. They appeal to a certain type of person - thank goodness I'm not one.

Wouldn't life be shit if we all liked the same thing? I would hate to be that much of an arse that I look down on people for liking something different to me.

The gin & processco culture is just normalizing functioning alcoholism

Completely agree.

I'm not saying they cause addiction - that's something that's innate - but I will say that this stuff encourages the bastard in your brain that says "But look! Everyone else is doing it. You're just like them, you don't have a problem." Because the bastard in your brain needs to pretend it's normal to be an alcoholic and to ignore the fact that the Gin O'clock brigade wait until after breakfast. It also encourages you to scapegoat other people (the kids, next door's dog, your boss) for your addiction when it's not their fault.

As long as you're middle class and it is prosecco or gin & fever tree it's all good. Start necking strongbow at lunchtime and people aren't so keen to find it glamorous and engaging.

But I'm anti heavy drinking, around kids even more so.