Best Seller - Why Mummy Drinks etc ...?

[todayiwin]

Disclaimer - I have not read this book but very familiar with this type of book and various blogs, Hurrah for Gin etc. I am also aware I don't have to read it, scroll in past.

My DM is an alcoholic, Sober 10 Years through recovery in a 12 Step programme. This I am eternally grateful for, DM was an active alcoholic for over 20 years, my childhood was a living hell at times. I am dealing with this as an adult.

Now here is my AIBU.

AIBU that these books, blogs are justifying and glamorising drinking as a parent and it's your child's fault? Extract below. I'm probably struggling at the moment in dealing with my past but there is no way on earth I ever want my DC thinking "Mummy drinks because of me"

"But Mummy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who ‘live for their children’ and stand in the playground trying to trump each other with their offspring’s extracurricular activities and achievements, and boasting about their latest holidays.
Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering ‘FML’ over and over again"

Probably over thinking it to be honest.

Many people do have to anthetise themselves though to cope with their dc and thier lives at times.

Alongside OP's reply to this - so me and my siblings who never asked to be born (and he barely helped raise us) are to blame for my father's korsakoff syndrome?

I suffer with MH issues and an anxiety disorder, I find motherhood incredibly difficult - but I refuse to drink at all when my DC are in my care, because I know I'm a lightweight and wouldn't be compos mentis if needed. There are other ways to relax, the odd glass doesn't hurt but if you're having to drink every night to 'unwind', you have a problem.

@JustGettingStarted .... yep!

“Many people do have to anaesthetise themselves to deal with their children” - no... I don’t think that’s really the case, or should not be?! It’s not normal and surely normalising that is very unhealthy

I really don’t like all the “slummy Mummy” stuff which is like a race to be the shittiest parent possible and celebrate that. Obviously we all do struggle at times, I’m not saying that at all, but why not try your best and celebrate that instead?

It’s a privilege to have children, they weren’t forced to have them and they are not a burden. Yes, I may be considered the type of “smug twat” that some wine o clock mums probably hate, but I would not judge a particular mum who’s struggling with their circumstances- it’s just the whole culture of normalising having to drink to cope with your kids that I find very weird and sad. Like so many people in the thread also said but you just chose to jump on me for it because I mentioned a religious reason for not drinking.
FYI I don’t judge people who drink moderately, up to them! I just don’t really get it, as I’ve never drank (and no... I don’t take other drugs either )

I do get it, I also have an alcoholic parent. And that was well before Instagram! Maybe it's just that we have so much social media now - it seems like it's everywhere, but each individual may only be saying it occasionally.

But it's essentially just a way of saying - looking after kids can be gruelling and thankless and drudgery sometimes. Not that we don't love them, or they're not the most amazing kids that ever lived! Just - actually, sometimes a day at home with them isn't exceptionally fulfilling. And that's ok!

I know it's tongue in cheek, but there are a lot of mums out there, who may be struggling, feeling fragile and decide to have a drink to make them feel better. And it's ok because "hurrah for gin" right? And "this is why mummy drinks"? And it ends up a bit of a slippery slope.
Ideally those people would have better judgement, but when you're really struggling...

I suffer with MH issues and an anxiety disorder, I find motherhood incredibly difficult - but I refuse to drink at all when my DC are in my care, because I know I'm a lightweight and wouldn't be compos mentis if needed. There are other ways to relax, the odd glass doesn't hurt but if you're having to drink every night to 'unwind', you have a problem.

I have diazepam prescribed for panic attacks, I don’t take it around the dc (unless another adult is with us) because I need to be well and aware when they’re in my care.

Using alcohol to cope is bad enough but doing it in front of your kids isn’t something to be normalised.

@badadadada I think if you "have to anthetise yourself to cope with dc and your life at times" that's pretty fucking worrying! Let alone drinking every night

I can't get over that post actually

Someone gave me the "Why Mummy Drinks" book. It's absolutely not my normal sort of read but I actually enjoyed it.

I can see how it might normalise alcohol dependency if you already had a problem. I found though that it was so exaggerated that it became comical. I was also able to see myself in the book and to laugh about how I definitely build things up in my head...ie "we will have a nice day out and the children will be wonderfully engaged and behaved And it will be relaxing". Then I am disappointed when even getting out of the house is stressful and the children aren't that bothered.

I thought it had some great themes, realising none of us have perfect lives and it's normal to struggle sometimes. I suppose I kind of filtered out the drinking part really.

YANBU. I think this culture of "prosecco and gin" is very sad. It makes people who buy into it look quite lacking in intelligence and substance.

It's also normalising the awful drinking culture we have in this country.

These blogs are as bad a cringe fest as the saintly mummy stuff they lampoon.

I know I'm in a minority but when I hear people with three kids and a dog moaning about how they need alcohol to cope with the three kids and dog I think why did you choose to have three kids and a blimmin dog then.

I've got one kid. It's hard. So I'm not having any more.

It's like any aspect of parenting. It's all consuming when you're in the trenches (sleepless nights, weaning etc) but you look back and think christ did I actually talk about weaning to disinterested civilians.

Who gives a fuck?

but you look back and think christ did I actually talk about weaning to disinterested civilians.

😂🙈

I don’t like alcohol, not because I’ve ever had a problem with it but thanks to teenage hangovers, I literally just look at it like poison (which it is).

I don’t think this stuff is funny, it’s not.

There’s no comedy in glamourising something that takes and wrecks the lives of so many people (most of those who have their lives wrecked, aren’t even the ones drinking) and it’s naive to think “well I don’t have an alcohol problem so I can still find it funny” because it keeps the society that normalises and consumes a lot of alcohol going and going, making sure there’s no end to the madness of it all (why is it even legal??)

I also don’t think people realise how fucking annoying it is talking to someone who has been drinking and usually they don’t even notice they are drunk or acting like a twat. I’m not talking about alcoholics either, just the general public and pretty much every person I’ve ever met who’s had a drink in them. It’s like talking to a fucking zombie.

No child should ever have to feel they are to blame for that!!!

And the “gin/wine o’clock” stuff is so cringeworthy! And the fact so much of it is on sale and on bags and posters etc etc, is basically normalising alcohol for our young children who when they start reading are going to see this stuff plastered everywhere and think the stuff that their parents drink at night is good!

Because it totally makes sense to demonise vaping and cannabis when it comes up in social media because it might have risks even though both have saved lives and glamourise alcohol which has so fucking many risks and causes so much trauma! It’s mindblowing

A close friend bought me this as part of my gifts from her (we've always done a 'bag to open' for each other) for a recent birthday.

I thought it was shite. And jammed with things I had to nitpick (her children behave way older than they are, for example).

But utter shite.

My father is a functioning alcoholic and a bit of a useless parent TBH, but I can see the funny side of some of the blogs etc. Not all of them - like anything, it has become a bit of a bandwagon and there is now a backlash against them, just as they themselves were something of a backlash against the image of perfect middle class mums with perfectly behaved and educationally gifted children "making memories" left right and centre. Gill Sims, the 'Mummy' of Peter and Jane/Why Mummy Drinks is one of the more skilled writers IMO, and quite clearly writes exaggeratedly for comic effect. I take the "FML" / photo of glass of wine or gin sign-off in the same way as I view repeated catchphrases in comedy shows. I don't actually believe that she needs alcohol to be in the same room as her children, or that she doesn't enjoy their company.

I've just also thought we are forcing it down our docs throats too ...

PAWSECCO

Docs! I mean DOGS

@SchrodingersMeowth love your post!

🙄 there are terrible things in life. But there are things that can be a joke, and tongue in cheek. Ffs. You don’t have to be offended by everything and say it’s normalising abuse blah blah. It’s awful and sad if you have struggled with issues. But it’s not glamourising and it’s not that deep to the average every day person. This is the kind of thing that gets so boring. Get over it.

I sympathise op. My mum was an alcoholic who died of an alcoholic cardiomyopathy when she was in her fifties. That said, hmmmm I don’t get offended by these sort of blogs. I don’t know why. Yanbu yo find them upsetting though, considering your history. It’s quite understandable.

@Amanduh I'm not offended by it, good on you, you can drink like the masses. I can't. Nor can my DM. Maybe I'm showing resentment right now.

I just wondered what others thought.

In the interests of full disclosure I am a middle class, mum, wine drinker, ( of the sort stereotyped in the book) and I also find the whole concept distasteful. As if the absolute privilege of being an affluent, MC parent of healthy children in a first world country is such a burden we have to be bladdered to cope with the horror of it all. I hate the whole gin/prosecco merchandising thing. I don’t want to be defined by the alcoholic beverages I drink - there is a lot more to me than that. You might as well define me by the blueberries I eat for breakfast or the type of biscuit I prefer.

Also I have read the book and it is absolute shite - patronising drivel about far fetched and unfunny situations that could all be easily avoided if the protagonist had an ounce of common sense and the ability to say ‘no’. And god save me from the word ‘moppet’ which appears on every second page - has anyone ever actually used that work to describe their DC?

These blogs always seem like try hard types who want to be part of the cool gang. It is a race to the bottom in parenting terms and I find it quite sad.

I have a friend that loves them and thinks they are helpful as they don’t portray the perfect mother nonsense which is also damaging. However as she has significant post natal depression I think they are unhelpful as they make her feelings of despair normal and she isn’t doing anything about them as everyone would drink at lunch if they could.

Today B&M have “cat wine” and gin ice poles

And as someone who is missing a Mother, Father and Grandfather (that death was actually horrific), I’m not offended by the blogs, books, posters, bags, glasses, notebooks, pens, shirts, jumpers, umbrellas etc.

I just think the whole thing is a bit ridiculous and makes me think it’s this generations tits on beer cans but because it’s women enjoying it, it’s fine.

And I don’t like the message it sends to children

Can anyone who buys in to this shite tell me what you think your children are thinking when they read these things? Because they will at some point and it will be well before they’re old enough to drink! Literally just keeping the cycle going!

Not all people who take heroin, cocaine etc will become addicted and die, but it’s illegal anyway because the risk outweighs the benefit and it’s dangerous... But alcohol is fine? And even comedic? 😂. Mind blown!

The other day I saw an NHS poster that had a man on the front saying “why do we have to always use first class stamps?, if we only use them when we really need to and use 2nd class for everything else it will save money”

This poster was asking for suggestions on how to “save a little”, suggesting that everyone should send in ideas on how to save the nhs money...

The NHS is that fucked it’s worried about stamps yet we’re actively promoting an alcohol culture?

Agreeing with the PP who said they don't drink when their children are in their care. I stay sober whenever I am at home with my kids. I can't sit down after they've gone to bed with a bottle of prosecco because the paranoid part of me thinks about if there was an emergency - I'd need to be competent enough to deal with that and not impaired by alcohol.

I find it cringey and fake.

Imagine how people would react to a young mum necking some cans cheap lager in front of her children at 6pm. People would be tutting in disapproval. But these women are in their 30’s affluent and drink gin so it is seen as hilarious.

It is so middle class