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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Parents very open sex life

79 replies

BiscuitAndTea · 23/08/2018 09:18

Posting in AIBU for traffic. Have name changed as this is an embarrassing post. Asking here as not sure if my experience is unusual but I can't ask anyone in RL.

When I was a child my parents had a lot of sex toys, fetish things and porn. It was always a little out of sight but never well hidden. Here are some examples can you tell me in AIBU to think this is totally creepy and not acceptable?

1 there would be stack of newspapers in a public room, but if you lifted the top 2 newspapers there would be porn magazines.

2 pieces of clothing/fabric that my father would masterbate into were left next to the family computer, crusted in cum, but might have been sitting underneath something so not visible to a passing visitor.

3 sex toys and fetish items were stored in a box with a lid in their bedroom, not locked or anything, and that room was never out of bounds, so obviously as curious children, myself and all my siblings found them.

4 there were piles of porn magazines in the family bathroom, from about age 7 I'd be sent in there to take a bath alone, again there would be 1 or 2 innocent magazines on top, but perhaps 20-30 hard porn magazines underneath.

5 photographs of them doing sexual acts were stored dotted around the house, again out of sight a little but not well enough hidden - eg on a bookcase in between books that DCs would use.

At the time I didn't have anything to compare it to, but now looking back I think it's bloody awful. Keen to get some opinions as genuinely not sure if AIBU or not to have expected them not to do this? I feel that exposure to these things at a very young age has tainted my views on what is sexually acceptable, which has in turn impacted my relationships. As a young adult I done things sexually with partners that I'd never do now.

I'm now very wary of my DC visiting them and I never let my DC be alone in any room of their house, never let them lift things up etc. As no idea what they'll see.

Sex was never discussed in my family, I would be thought of as naughty if I asked a question about it so it was an unspoken rule never to discuss it.

Even periods, puberty etc were never discussed or explained to me. I had to deal with them myself, I asked for San pro once but it was an ordeal and I was made to feel dirty so I didn't ask again. I often had none as a young teenager, using toilet roll and cotton wool balls instead, and my mother never asked if I needed any even tho she must have known that I didn't have access to any.

OP posts:
FASH84 · 23/08/2018 09:20

That's not usual OP, the toys in a box under the bed etc maybe, the porn mags and photos everywhere, no, the cum cloths 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

BiscuitAndTea · 23/08/2018 09:26

Thanks. I needed some outside perspective.

OP posts:
KindergartenKop · 23/08/2018 09:28

Yeah that's weird. Especially the cloth.

flumpybear · 23/08/2018 09:30

That's bloody awful!

SaoirseTheSeahorse · 23/08/2018 09:30

I got to the photos dotted round the house and didn’t need to read on. I’m with FASH completely. Gross. It’s lovely they have a healthy and varied sexy life and all, but discretion is key when you have children living with you. Or anyone living with you tbh. Would they have left all that lying round if they had adult housemates? I bet not.

greendale17 · 23/08/2018 09:32

Frankly that is disgustinng and on that basis I wouldn’t be taking my children to their house whatsoever.

Butterflyrosebud · 23/08/2018 09:33

Not normal at all. I’m sorry you had to put up with that OP.

I remember finding sex toys and porn videos in my Mums room at the age of about 9. She always had strange men in the house too. I look back on this now and think it’s disgusting. My daughter will definitely never be exposed to stuff like that.

EyeRolls · 23/08/2018 09:33

Sorry OP but massively inappropriate behaviour from your parents. Their sex life taking priority within the family home; yet somehow you are meant to 'ignore' all of the casual references dotted about the place? And then the lack of consideration to you with regards to your development?

Sounds very conflicting and difficult for you to rationalise, understandably.

Maybe some talking therapy might help you to bring these issues out in the open. You've done nothing wrong..they were the adults.

Whaaaatthe · 23/08/2018 09:34

Utterly and absolutely abnormal I’m afraid. So sorry that you had that experience of childhood Flowers

I think you are very correct to keep your DC safe from being exposed to this.

TwitterQueen1 · 23/08/2018 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BiscuitAndTea · 23/08/2018 09:38

Thanks for the replies, it's good to know that I'm not being unreasonable. When you grow up with that stuff around you you just assume it's normal so even as an adult it's hard to tell if my judgement is correct.

@TwitterQueen1 do jog on. report me if you don't think I'm genuine.

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 23/08/2018 09:41

Bloody hell that's not at all acceptable. Sex toys, fetish, porn mags, whatever else anyone wants to do is finest up a full bondage dungeon for all I care but it should be well concealed. What you've described is creepy and irresponsible it's almost like they wanted their kids to see it. What happened when other people came round to the house?

YADNBU!

BiscuitAndTea · 23/08/2018 09:43

They never really had anyone round. It was very rare to have visitors. They don't have any friends and are not close to any family members, so it was just me and my siblings.

We (the DC) sometimes had friends over. The friends found the things too. It was very embarrassing as they obviously thought it was hilarious.

OP posts:
BeUpStanding · 23/08/2018 09:45

Oh my goodness that is absolutely not normal! In fact I'm pretty sure it veers into abusive territory. It must have been really quite distressing. I agree with PP who suggested maybe having some counselling just to talk through it with someone objective.

Flowers
SaoirseTheSeahorse · 23/08/2018 09:48

That’s awful op. Just read the rest of your op as well... I would also say this borders on abusive. Sorry you had to deal with this.

Juells · 23/08/2018 09:51

Sounds a bit like they got a thrill from knowing that others would happen on the 'evidence'. A bit like people who like screwing in lifts or parks, part of the thrill being that they might be discovered. Creepy as fuck to do it to your own children though. I'd never bring children to that house at all.

Thehop · 23/08/2018 09:52

Jesus Christ you poor cow

I found a few softpprn mags but nothing like this!

They were neglectful at best, leaving you without sanitary protection and exposing visitors children to this shit was a safeguarding issue of its own. Madness

You’re not wrongOP

Hugs

9amTrain · 23/08/2018 09:53

Jesus FUCKING Christ

This is beyond disgustinG!

Livingoncake · 23/08/2018 09:54

Not providing your menstruating daughter with sanitary products is disgraceful, in fact I’d say it qualifies as neglect. That coupled with their lack of discretion wrt their own sex life, I wouldn’t want any child of mine visiting their home.
Sorry they put you through this OP.

Dulra · 23/08/2018 09:54

No not normal and not right. As others have said completely inappropriate and damaging for children to be exposed to things they are not developmentally ready for and tbh nowadays I think it would be a child protection concern. That coupled with no discussion or support around you and your siblings developing needs is utterly bizarre and sounds very toxic and confusing for children also neglectful. I agree with the poster that suggested talk therapies to help process it all. As for letting your kids go over I'd be reluctant but I also think I would need and want to be very frank to them (your parents) about why and to find out have they any explanation for what you have described in this post.

RuLu · 23/08/2018 09:55

Definitely not ok. So sorry you've had to experience that.

BiscuitAndTea · 23/08/2018 09:56

I honestly don't think I could speak to someone in real life about it, it's mortifyingSad

OP posts:
LottaTea · 23/08/2018 09:56

Jesus. No. Not normal. I found my mums sex toys once but I was being a nosey kid and it didn't bother me. That kind of thing I think is normal. Weird, but normal.

The photos and porn? Sorry you were exposed to that as a child. A child being exposed to hardcore porn is not right, in any way. So sorry

sonicshoegazes · 23/08/2018 09:57

Op this seems rather similar to my upbringing with my dad. I'd get locked out in the back garden every day for hours with a picnic so my dad could watch porn 😡

SerenDippitty · 23/08/2018 09:58

Totally unacceptable OP. I agree with those who say it borders on the abusive. I am so sorry you went through this. And yes I agree talking through with a counsellor might help.

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