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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Parents very open sex life

79 replies

BiscuitAndTea · 23/08/2018 09:18

Posting in AIBU for traffic. Have name changed as this is an embarrassing post. Asking here as not sure if my experience is unusual but I can't ask anyone in RL.

When I was a child my parents had a lot of sex toys, fetish things and porn. It was always a little out of sight but never well hidden. Here are some examples can you tell me in AIBU to think this is totally creepy and not acceptable?

1 there would be stack of newspapers in a public room, but if you lifted the top 2 newspapers there would be porn magazines.

2 pieces of clothing/fabric that my father would masterbate into were left next to the family computer, crusted in cum, but might have been sitting underneath something so not visible to a passing visitor.

3 sex toys and fetish items were stored in a box with a lid in their bedroom, not locked or anything, and that room was never out of bounds, so obviously as curious children, myself and all my siblings found them.

4 there were piles of porn magazines in the family bathroom, from about age 7 I'd be sent in there to take a bath alone, again there would be 1 or 2 innocent magazines on top, but perhaps 20-30 hard porn magazines underneath.

5 photographs of them doing sexual acts were stored dotted around the house, again out of sight a little but not well enough hidden - eg on a bookcase in between books that DCs would use.

At the time I didn't have anything to compare it to, but now looking back I think it's bloody awful. Keen to get some opinions as genuinely not sure if AIBU or not to have expected them not to do this? I feel that exposure to these things at a very young age has tainted my views on what is sexually acceptable, which has in turn impacted my relationships. As a young adult I done things sexually with partners that I'd never do now.

I'm now very wary of my DC visiting them and I never let my DC be alone in any room of their house, never let them lift things up etc. As no idea what they'll see.

Sex was never discussed in my family, I would be thought of as naughty if I asked a question about it so it was an unspoken rule never to discuss it.

Even periods, puberty etc were never discussed or explained to me. I had to deal with them myself, I asked for San pro once but it was an ordeal and I was made to feel dirty so I didn't ask again. I often had none as a young teenager, using toilet roll and cotton wool balls instead, and my mother never asked if I needed any even tho she must have known that I didn't have access to any.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 23/08/2018 17:18

Sexual clothing items?

So your dad used crotchless knickers as a wank rag and left them buy the family computer, which was full if niche porn?

I'm agog.

longwayoff · 23/08/2018 17:29

Very open sex life but cant talk about perfectly ordinary bodily functions? Very strange parents. Dont take your children there and unless you have to, stay away yourself. Very very unhealthy and weird.

TTAoD · 23/08/2018 17:37

I have similar stories, as an adult and I look back my mum makes me feel sick and I have no time for her and would never subject my children to things she has done to me.

Found her and my stepdad hidden stash, they used to have loud sex, even if I had friends in. Would be sitting watching porn in the livingroom and I wasn't allowed downstairs as they where clearly fucking on the couch.

However the worst one was when they where training for job in another country, I had to go with them and share the bed. I was about 13, then decided to have sex while I was in the bed and they thought I was asleep. Even they would you still have sex, I go over and over it with husband and wonder if they got off on it and was it sexual abuse.

MoonFacesMum · 23/08/2018 17:40

What you’re parents did to you was beyond neglectful. I work with children and if a child disclosed this to me I would be reporting as an abusive situation in that child’s home.

Lots of people masterbate and have an active sex life with DCs at home. But that does not mean their children have to be exposed to it in any way. Exposing children to sexual material can lead to that child being abused as sexual behaviour has been normalised. Making you fearful of moving around your own home for fear of encountering sexual behaviour is appalling. It is abusive. What parent wouldn’t want their child protected from this? I’m so sorry you had to grow up in that situation. Not normal at all.

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