To believe that on these Mumsnet threads we should be respectful of the OP?

[Time4Gin]

Been on and off MN for a few years but recently rejoined and was utterly amazed at the vitriol and hate that some Talk OPs get when appealing for advice, support or a shoulder to cry on.

Come on ladies, (and some men), what happened to the sisterhood? To feminism? To sticking together, surely how and why mumsnet even got started!

A few posts and threads have been removed, so it’s clear MN don’t like the intention and content of some posters who seem to be causing offensive IRL. I just can’t believe these people haven’t been blocked permanently as they’re so gratuitous, seemingly only existing to “slag off” or “flame”.

Some of the stuff the OPs in the threads I’m thinking of have been contentious, difficult things and often things I really don’t agree with myself - completely fair enough; I either don’t comment or I try to give my opinion tactfully. Supportively. But I am not rude!

We are all human beings, most of us (by the sound of the anger of the posters and the content of the OPs’ posts) are vulnerable and in need of sensitivity even if that’s “no I totally disagree”. We don’t have to be so nasty!

Can’t understand the maliciousness, the vulgarity, the gratuitous horribleness of some posters. THIS IS NOT TWITTER!

And to the poster who last night said respect must be earned (to me asking again for posters to respect the OP) - what about decorum, dignity and self-respect of our own conduct? Show some!

AIBU to suggest we should all be a bit kinder in this difficult world? Life’s tough enough as it is.

Anyone?

(Obviously I’m “asking” for a “flaming” )

Lol

Put your tin hat OP but I agree with you. It’s mainly AIBU but it’s obvious much of the time the posts haven’t been read or understood properly and people like to pile in with spiteful comments.

There are some lovely, intelligent helpful members on here but they get drowned out on AIBU and go elsewhere on the site.

Basically, yes!

The OP is usually either :

a) genuinely conflicted or struggling or
b) tryna' start up an interesting, or fun conversation

Its awful to see how some OPs are attacked as the Devil's spawn. But you have to remember alot of people on MN aren't very bright and are basically drips in real life following the crowd (think MeTooWithBells), and may even be psychos, and this is their outlet for their childish anger. I say childish, because there is nothing wrong with real anger when delivered appropriately. But most of the anger I see on MN is v. childish and self-indulgent.

Also lets not forget MN is PC-Virtue-Signalling-Central, so any questioning of anything PC-sacred will be attacked viciously immediately without engaging any brain cells.

I do occasionally criticise an OP, but only if I'm in minority of one, usually.

AIBU attracts a load of nasty arseholes who like to judge and put other people down.

Since the Daily Mail started doing MN stories, I expect we have a fair few people here who are at home on the DM comments section.

Thankfully the whole site isn't like that, but frankly there must be something lacking in their lives for them to think it's ok to be so nasty.

I think some posters use the "vipers' nest" reputation of AIBU as an excuse to be a contrary arsehole.

I always found the Daily Mail comments section was much much more pleasant than MN. To me this its just another common MN prejudice and vehicle of hate (irony!). Fact: MN was often nasty and stupid long before the Daily Mail "ran MN stories".

But I do sometimes see very funny posts or interesting or intelligent posts, worth their weight in gold. So sometimes I hang around for a while on MN, but not usually for long ...

I'm here all the time! Have been for over a decade.

We've always been vipers, but it has changed - AIBU has got nastier, more maimstream & comformist and less smart & witty IMO.

Less cliquey though as it's too big now for any clique to have that much influence.

Sisterhood?

AIBU makes me really sad because my mother is abusive and I'm not all that good at making friends so I've never really benefited from the wisdom of other women, specially in the things of day to day life, and AIBU is about 40 percent a fantastic resource along those lines, allowing people to ask the unaskable questions and others to share their unvarnished opinions. But the other 60 percent is just people being awful, wilfully misunderstanding what has been written so they can take a shot at someone. And sadly I think the people most in need of a bit of sensible advice are the people who are most likely to take the nastiness seriously and listen to it.

Errrr yes. Some posters post utter crap as their OPs and get their arses deservedly handed to them.

The sisterhood is a bunch of crap too.

It's full of posters pushing their own agenda/opinion regardless of what the op is actually asking, one yesterday was an op asking about grey roots and within seconds about 5 responses were "you should embrace the grey/why are you afraid of ageing?/I stopped dyeing my hair 40 years ago and I look fabulous", totally obtuse and completely unhelpful but plenty me me me.

Then there are real horrors who are desperate to write stuff like "you sound like hard work op/I pity your children" and other unpleasant crap.

A lot of the time the OP needs a firm shake, especially the I'm so conflicted I having an affair with a married man who won't leave his wife for me but I am so in love with him because he is genuinely a good guy ones

I agree op.

I don't understand why hq doesn't do more about posters who continually post really unhelpful /nasty /endless, endless questioning to people with the same specific problems.

Ie oh it's a thread about mils. Let's see how long about 3 usual suspects take to rock up. Ask the op endless questions, never respond, make sure them feel bad, repeat the same utter disconnected rubbish they do on every Mil thread. Why!!

It's clear they have no understanding how destructive the issue can be and it's always sort of a sense of proving to these utter imbeciles with no sense of empathy or understanding that this is a genuine issue. I know many posters know that them and ignore but I feel sorry for the newbies that don't and answer innocently and respond to them.

Waste of time.

Oh god, I'm so glad someone has voiced what I have been thinking for ages now. applauds loudly I honestly sometimes wonder if some on here are intentionally nasty because they get some weird kick out of it, or to vent personal frustrations, or similar. It's just so negative and unproductive.

As for 'respect must be earned', I think that's a messed-up way to look at it. People should respect each other by default - yes, respect can then be lost due to how a person behaves, but half the problem with society today is that respect is no longer the 'default setting', IMHO.

Thanks for the replies! It’s interesting why this sort of flaming has had to come about. Didn’t we leave stocks and throwing tomatoes in the dark ages?!

@goatwithacoat - hat on and thanks! X

@raynedance - yes a total pity too

@toomuchtooold - yes it makes me sad too, should be cool inclusive place of anonymity and support!

@paintedwingsandgiantrings - are you proud you’ve “always been vipers”? Really? Why? Does this make you feel better than other people? Do you need to feel better than other people?

@shirleyphallus - “arses handed to them”?

@racecardriver - “a good shake”?

Do you ever think of the potential repercussions? What if someone who has screwed up, needed to confess or ask advice, got flamed on here then was so upset further went and did one thing even more stupid, like hurt themselves or worse -
Or something terrible to their kids or other people, just because they came for some support from other humans and were made to feel even worse and couldn’t handle it?

@bringinbackcrazy - cool, thanks

@paulruddislush - yes it’s rubbish when I see them do that

@twistanddoubt - yeah the less spiteful ones can be funny

It's not about sisterhood (ugh) it's about being a decent human.

@dinosaurkisses - such a mob mentality isn’t it? It could be and once was such a cool community

@9amtrain this is why feminism doesn’t work and we don’t get paid equally - no one will take women seriously if we slate each other off all the time!

I hate the whole “sisterhood” “women sticking together” thing. Just no.

We should be kind to each other because we’re all human, not because they are a woman too.

YABU IMO.
There is no point in a discussion / a debate if everyone has to agree with the OP.
There would be absolutely no point in them asking "AIBU", if you are only allowed to post if you agree with what they say.

I agree there is no need for personal attacks - if you see one, report it, and MNHQ will zap it - but that definitely doesn't mean you have to agree just because the OP states one pov. What a complete waste of time that would be.

Many posters ask "AIBU?", because they want to find out if they are or not. I am well aware there are others that don't......

There’s a thread I’ve just had to hide accusing all potential step-parents of being paedophiles basically . So sometimes a flaming is well deserved...

Most of the time though, I agree. But if you are posting on AIBU you are opening yourself up for criticism. It isn’t renowned for being all “you ok Hun? PM me” and it’s rare a thread will go 100% the OP’s way.

On another thread you called me “vicious” this evening for telling someone who hates their partner’s child and refers to them as “the brat” that leaving the relationship is a better idea than proposing to the DP as they are open about wanting the child to disappear.

You are the lone voice on that thread defending someone who’s behaviour is clearly completely indefensible. I wasn’t rude to her, I was frank that staying and hating the child is a bad idea. Everyone else agreed. The sisterhood, whatever the fuck that means, isn’t there to defend people whatever they say when that’s unacceptable.

Your desire to lash out and then hide behind “why can’t girls all be nice to each other” and your insistence on lolling when there’s nothing funny going on is very childish.

MN can be incredibly supportive. It can also be very honest and you’re being very disingenuous starting this thread.

@backforgood - that’s my point. Debate, disagree by all means, just less of the gratuitous nastiness, completely unnecessary. Not all get reported and/or taken down (the threads) and some of the really vicious posters still linger and change their name etc. Trolling is just pointless horribleness which is evil and stupid!