To believe that on these Mumsnet threads we should be respectful of the OP?

[Time4Gin]

Been on and off MN for a few years but recently rejoined and was utterly amazed at the vitriol and hate that some Talk OPs get when appealing for advice, support or a shoulder to cry on.

Come on ladies, (and some men), what happened to the sisterhood? To feminism? To sticking together, surely how and why mumsnet even got started!

A few posts and threads have been removed, so it’s clear MN don’t like the intention and content of some posters who seem to be causing offensive IRL. I just can’t believe these people haven’t been blocked permanently as they’re so gratuitous, seemingly only existing to “slag off” or “flame”.

Some of the stuff the OPs in the threads I’m thinking of have been contentious, difficult things and often things I really don’t agree with myself - completely fair enough; I either don’t comment or I try to give my opinion tactfully. Supportively. But I am not rude!

We are all human beings, most of us (by the sound of the anger of the posters and the content of the OPs’ posts) are vulnerable and in need of sensitivity even if that’s “no I totally disagree”. We don’t have to be so nasty!

Can’t understand the maliciousness, the vulgarity, the gratuitous horribleness of some posters. THIS IS NOT TWITTER!

And to the poster who last night said respect must be earned (to me asking again for posters to respect the OP) - what about decorum, dignity and self-respect of our own conduct? Show some!

AIBU to suggest we should all be a bit kinder in this difficult world? Life’s tough enough as it is.

Anyone?

(Obviously I’m “asking” for a “flaming” )

Lol

And to answer the Op

I seem to avoid most of the 'bullying' threads so i havent seen this a lot but i have been at some posters

Sisterhood! Nice dream. Women judge other women more harshly than men judge women. I'm not sure why. The patriarchy? I dunno.

No way in hell are men as mean and bitchy towards each other as women are. That's a fact.

A fact?! Then I await a link to the research paper with the title “women are proven to be bitchier than men”!

Don’t you see? Even the word “bitchy” is gendered. If you buy into this idea that women and girls are bitches then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and girls start seeing themselves that way. I once had a 13 year old student who, after having argued with a friend, looked at me apologetically and said “Sorry Miss Rita, us girls are just bitches”

Absolutely agree with you OP. I’ve been on the receiving end of some really nasty comments on here recently. There is just no need for it. I’m sure there is no way people would talk to each other irl the way they do on here (or maybe they do 🙄).

Calm down @ifyouseeritamoreno**

Why so angry?

I suppose I get angry when people just accept commonly held views without critically thinking about them or about why they're there in the first place.

Take the common idea that women are more emotional than men, one held by women as well as men and that is often used to posit the idea that women are not as logical as men (the implications of which are far reaching).

Yet anger is an emotion right? One that often leads to aggression and violence. It is statistical proven that men as a general class are more violent in our society, yet no one seems to believe this means men are too emotional or illogical.

Which in itself is illogical. Why is that? Why that inability to join those dots?

And likewise with the bitchiness thing. What does bitchiness really mean? It basically means being nasty to someone in a psychological and verbal way and for some reason is considered to be worse than the simple physical get-over-it-quickly rough and tumble that boys are supposed to perpetuate.

But is it? When my autistic DS was bullied at school he wasn't just physically hit by a gang of boys but they actually tried to isolate him by offering another boy (DS's only friend) membership into their elite club if he would beat DS up. Is that not psychological too? Yet, no one once made the comment of "boys can be real bitches".

I'm just asking you to look at things differently and critically and stop passing these damaging messages on.

YANBU. I have been really shocked at some of the vitriol I have seen on here, often on threads that weren't in the least provocative to start with.

There just seems to be a type of poster who enjoys swaggering on to threads to belittle the OP, dismiss their issue, accuse them of saying things they never said and generally be unpleasant and nasty.

I presume some of them are just sad, unhappy people taking their bitterness out on other people. Others just lack the imagination to understand that they're actually engaging with real people who have real feelings. And some are just ignorant bullies.

Goatwithacoat that's awful. I am sometimes amazed that some posters are allowed continue to post after dishing out vicious verbal abuse to other posters. People that would have been banned from many forums are often allowed remain on here, despite totally unacceptable posting.

OP has the writing style of one of those men who hate MN and women in general.

I think IP addresses should be banned once someone has caused huge horrible offence, so they can't change their name or email address and come back to spread worse.
Its not hard to change your ip address

I strongly agree, OP. This topic is raised regularly, and the nastiness is always defended as ‘what do you expect from
strangers’, ‘we are entitled to opinions’ bla bla bla.

If someone cannot express their views without being a complete wanker, jumping to massive conclusions based on the little info we get, and jumping on the bandwagon of shitting on the OP, then I would assume that person has very little human contact in real life (and not by choice either).

You only have to look at how many threads are started with ‘please don’t flame me but I need help with this difficult life problem’ - I don’t think I’ve come across many other forums where the OP anticipates abuse before they’ve even started.

And don’t forget the generic ‘Netmums is that way hun’ response because some posters dare to expect some decency.

But of course everyone is entitled to an opinion.

You can tell some posters are desperate for a fight and will aggressively challenge every post. They're often regular posters who clearly believe they're "badass" and we should all be in awe of their feisty debating skills.
In reality you're just sitting there thinking "not this arse again, how bad is their life if this is how they entertain themselves?"

@paulruddislush true dat. I would feel sorry for them, but I feel a bit angry about their targets.

@popholditdown I worry that when I say yes I agree, that we will be accused of living up our arses and just wanting opinions we agree with rather than debate, that’s how screwed the world is! (But I agree, nonetheless)

@leroyjenkins - true but at least it’s something?

A lot of times the OP is constantly quizzed on why she didn’t react differently to whichever situation she is seeking advice on.

There’s a thread at the moment where the OP froze and didn’t retort to a co-worker describing women as “sluts”. And she’s being lambasted for not speaking up there and then.

And SPAG is always picked up on an OP.

I agree with you, OP.

AIBU was the downfall of MN, IMO.

Everything you say, and then the haranguing of women in abusuve relationships. It’s all very well to sit behind a keyboard and say ‘leave right now’ and then start in the “oh, the OP hasn’t come back / will have gone back to her DH / abusing her poor kids / some insults “ all in less than 24 hours. Not how Women’s Aid advise supporting an abused woman at all.

But it let’s us know how self absorbed and oblivious, ifnot callous, many people are.

I have also just joined MN and I'm shocked at some of the comments made to OPs. I wonder if they talk to others as nasty as they have been in real life.

The whole point is they would never say any of this stuff irl. That's why they're so nasty online, it's all the repressed hate and dissatisfaction coming out.

Yes. I usually avoid AIBU because it is full of abusive comments from abusive people. They get a kick out of putting someone down, hurting them, criticising them. You can disagree with someone but you do no have the right to be abusive to them.

@IfyouseeRitaMoreno,
Thanks for your articulate response to that "women-are-so-much nastier" bollocks. It really needed saying and you said it well.

Mob mentality also people are not inherently good.