To believe that on these Mumsnet threads we should be respectful of the OP?

[Time4Gin]

Been on and off MN for a few years but recently rejoined and was utterly amazed at the vitriol and hate that some Talk OPs get when appealing for advice, support or a shoulder to cry on.

Come on ladies, (and some men), what happened to the sisterhood? To feminism? To sticking together, surely how and why mumsnet even got started!

A few posts and threads have been removed, so it’s clear MN don’t like the intention and content of some posters who seem to be causing offensive IRL. I just can’t believe these people haven’t been blocked permanently as they’re so gratuitous, seemingly only existing to “slag off” or “flame”.

Some of the stuff the OPs in the threads I’m thinking of have been contentious, difficult things and often things I really don’t agree with myself - completely fair enough; I either don’t comment or I try to give my opinion tactfully. Supportively. But I am not rude!

We are all human beings, most of us (by the sound of the anger of the posters and the content of the OPs’ posts) are vulnerable and in need of sensitivity even if that’s “no I totally disagree”. We don’t have to be so nasty!

Can’t understand the maliciousness, the vulgarity, the gratuitous horribleness of some posters. THIS IS NOT TWITTER!

And to the poster who last night said respect must be earned (to me asking again for posters to respect the OP) - what about decorum, dignity and self-respect of our own conduct? Show some!

AIBU to suggest we should all be a bit kinder in this difficult world? Life’s tough enough as it is.

Anyone?

(Obviously I’m “asking” for a “flaming” )

Lol

I thought AIBU was really for brutal honesty, and I'm amazed what people will write about. Surely you should read it back to yourself before posting and think 'hmmmmm, yes, I am being unreasonable'.

I suppose lots of posts are 'for traffic' which does soften the of the answers usually, I think.

I agree with you op. I've had some great support and kind advice on here, but I've cringed reading some threads where the op is getting a right bashing. It definitely puts me off posting sometimes as I don't want to be made feel worse than I already do!

I like to think I talk to people on here as I would in real life. Truthful, but respectful. I think many on here like to give it the big nasty talk when in reality they are probably as quiet as a mouse!

@annelovesgilbert - if you actually read that post properly, the person - and she is still a person - didn’t at any point say she “hated” her SD, that was all your own construct. So you’d jumped to a black and white conclusion without reading what she had said and without realising people can feel mixed and conflicted about things, especially step parenting. So you were being vicious, which I stand by. And that’s not being rude to you, I haven’t gratuitously been nasty, can you see the difference? We disagree but I am not being personal, spiteful or hateful to you.

I've been noticing it for the last year or two as well. It doesn't matter what the thread subject matter is, there always seems to be someone who takes the time to post something cutting and mean spirited that basically calls the OP stupid in some way. I just remind myself that I'm lucky not to have that instinct to go through life looking for ways to be an arsehole to others, what miserable people they must be.

You lost me at 'sisterhood'

Totally agree OP
Racism, classism and looking down on people with MH issues seems to be acceptable on Mumsnet at present...

@dljlr - sorry 😐

@shirleyphallus - “arses handed to them”?

Unequivocally told how bloody unreasonable they are in no uncertain terms

Well said OP.

Well said OP

Totally agree.

Obviously there’s the occasional goady fucker who deserve having their arse handed to them on a plate but I see a lot of nastiness where there’s no need.

We get various incarnations of the 'you're all bitches' threads, usually at least one a week.

But it's rare for one to try to link being 'ladies" with some idea that feminism means acritical support

The solution is however at your fingertips.

Post on the threads in question, saying the device and views you think are more apposite than the contributions you dislike.

Because this is really just a TAALOT (thread about a lot of threads), inviting people to be rude about other MNers, and never really the best way of dealing with the actual threads which go tits up

If someone's being a twat then I'll say so. If someone is genuinely struggling then I'll be sympathetic. Likewise if I was being a twat then I wouldn't care if someone called me out on it. If you post in AIBU then you are literally asking people to tell you that you're being unreasonable. I don't understand how people can be upset by that.

Thank you @Time4Gin - yes, this!!! I think if people are posting for support on an online forum they're probably at a low point already and yes, very vulnerable! I think as a society we could all be a little kinder!

By all means tell someone they're being unreasonable, that isn't what the op is about, it's about ridiculing and gratuitously insulting posters simply because you can.

I once tried to kill myself after the hateful, viciousness on a thread I foolishly started on AIBU. I got called a bad mother for not already knowing my DD's Dad was going to abuse her. I nearly died..... Then when I started a thread complaining about that (why oh why did I do that?!) it started again......

I could name a few repeat offenders...

@backforgood - that’s my point. Debate, disagree by all means,

Well, that isn't what you said in your op. You said if you didn't agree then you wouldn't comment. Hence my disagreeing with you.

I'm on MN far too much a LOT. Yes, I see some rude and aggressive posters - mostly on any thread about religion, which apparently, it is alright to mock and berate people on , but the overwhelming majority of post on here are supportive, or funny, or interesting debate. I've had so much support on here over the years - from difficult stuff through to tips and ideas. I've had hours of entertainment. I've had posters I totally disagree with. I've seen posters saying ridiculous things, and they are usually pulled up on it. I often see posters who struggle to grasp that other people's lives are not like their lives, but I rarely see nastiness that isn't quickly called out.

VERY, CERY WELL SAID @bringincrazyback !!!!

👏👏👏👏👏👏

*VERY

@BackforGood Nobody is saying everybody has to agree with the OP!!! This OP is referring to unnecessary nastiness

And so the subject of the thread pops in.

Gonna ask for this one to be deleted too, S?

Reality hurt & hit a nerve so you asked for it to be removed?!

It was me who said to you about respect being earned. And you failed to mention that the thread in question wasn't an AIBU one, it was from a woman having an affair with a married man and cheating on her DH. Not really sure what people expected from that one to be honest.

I don't actually think that there is a 'sisterhood' as PP said - we are all individuals. But I do think there is such a thing as women supporting other women who are struggling with various problems. It's just basic empathy.

I agree with you that there is lot of gratuitous nastiness.
There's also a lot of gratuitous snobbery.
And IMO worse (because this is largely a women's site) there is a huge undercurrent of misogyny mostly from women towards other women, and a massive streak a mile wide of ageism.

As a later middle aged feminist, I'm finding I don't really fit in here any more.
I'm not flouncing, but I restrict my posts these days and don't subject myself to abuse from unpleasant people.

Also - while I'm moaning I find myself constantly frustrated by people who seem unable to read and understand an OP - and prefer instead to answer some question they have made up. Or they throw up straw man arguments and seem incapable of grasping the point of someone's post. It's very much playing chess with a pigeon at times.

@backforgood I said I either don’t comment or I reply tactfully.

I kind of agree (a bit) with a bit of what you say, as I have seen some posters be quite vile to the OP. And even worse, the next 6, 7, or 8 or so posters all pile in and stick the knife in too! I agree with a few posters that you can disagree with the OP, without being horrible and cruel. Some people seem to enjoy being nasty, and get really catty, spiteful, childish, and toxic with their words, whilst thinking they are being funny and witty. It's horrible to watch.

I can't get on board with the non-existent 'sisterhood' though sorry @Time4gin ... I have had more women being vile to me in my lifetime, than I have men! And I don't like women more than men. I like them equally, and like the person more than the gender. And I am certainly not going to defend someone purely because they are female.