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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some posters are naive about SS?

999 replies

fudgeraisinbiscuit · 21/08/2018 10:29

I see many posts where people seem to believe either that SS will offer support and that parents who are loving and coping but struggling can contact them for a hand-hold, or posts where people believe a not ideal yet normal situation can and should be reported.

AIBU to think posters are naive about what SS actually do?

OP posts:
Tessliketrees · 21/08/2018 12:41

@boredmaman

Social workers are professionals doing a job that we are free to leave. We are not martyrs or saints.

Tessliketrees · 21/08/2018 12:42

They may have seen death and abuse and neglect the likes of which none of you would be able to handle

And you accuse others of hyperbole? Fucking hell.

boredmaman · 21/08/2018 12:44

And you accuse others of hyperbole? Fucking hell

I wish it were hyperbole. I could tell you stories that would make you cry.

3TresTrois · 21/08/2018 12:44

I can’t comment on court either, really, as I’m not a social worker and have no experience of that. Of course social workers have power, though.

Interestingly, a friend has had a dreadful experience recently with a CAFCASS social worker writing a very biased and factually incorrect report for court, which resulted in the judge ordering only supervised contact with his children.

He challenged it and it is going back to court, but I admit to being very shocked by the whole process and the appalling quality of the sw’s report, which was the main information informing the judge in her decision.

Original poster
fudgeraisinbiscuit · 21/08/2018 12:44

Some of the worst of society?

OP posts:
auntethel · 21/08/2018 12:45

Not facts, not real cases. Are you saying that mine and Thinks were not real cases Bored?

HelicopterHedgehog · 21/08/2018 12:45

boredmaman

You're right, I'm not sure I could handle being a social worker (presume I'm one of those complainers)
It sounds like a very hard job to do.
If your mental health difficulties are bad enough for you to threaten a single mum trying her best, with healthy and happy kids, you should not be a social worker.
Expecting a social worker to be truthful and competent is the minimum. Nobody should be forced into signing documents, lied to or about. That's not expecting an impossible standard.

DieAntword · 21/08/2018 12:46

Haven’t read all the thread but I’d really like more elaboration on this comment:

given that much trauma begins prior to birth

I mean obviously there’s things like foetal alcohol syndrome and epigenetic factors but ...to some extent I’m really not ready to buy into the idea a new born baby has already been “traumatised” by the actions of their parents. I find it frightening that people believe that. The implications for the rights and wrongs of controlling pregnant women (...maybe if we take epigenetics into account even potentially pregnant women and their own parents for good measure) are pretty disturbing.

ThinksTwice · 21/08/2018 12:46

We had the child in need plan which was ludicrous.

Words along the lines of "do something about ThinkTwice's mental health issues."

ThinkTwice's "mental health issues " were on and off depression but they made it sound like I should be locked up somewhere. They "suggested " I do CBT, I said I have done that before and didn't find it effective for me. They insisted so I did it, didn't find it effective again. They suggested medication, I told them I had been on and off it over time as and when I felt I needed it. They said I should go on meds, I told them my depression hadn't flared up for sometime but if it does I will consider it. They looked utterly puzzled and asked what I meant by it hasn't flared up? I had to explain that depression isn't necessarily always present and it can come and go over time. They still looked puzzled. They said I should get some medication which could help cure it. I had to tell them it's not curable, only manageable when it flares up. Still puzzled looks.

Their complete lack of understanding about mental health was beyond my own comprehension. They looked into my medical history and tried to use my history of on off depression against me as a mother. The way they wrote it on that plan as though it was another box to tick when "resolved " was disgusting.

When I complained they dropped the case and the plan was scrapped. My children and our family life got much better when Ss went away and no one has suffered since..

Tessliketrees · 21/08/2018 12:46

I wish it were hyperbole. I could tell you stories that would make you cry

So social workers are allowed hyperbole and utterly bizarre generalisations but parents who have had negative experiences aren't?

boredmaman · 21/08/2018 12:48

Some of the worst of society?

Yes. Something wrong with that phrase? (I imagine you have misunderstood it if you are highlighting it)

boredmaman · 21/08/2018 12:49

So social workers are allowed hyperbole and utterly bizarre generalisations
Its neither. I'm talking about personal experience. For people who have not had those experiences they would sound bizarre and hyperbolic, unfortunately they are neither.

HollyGibney · 21/08/2018 12:51

@boredmaman it's that kind of argument that makes people hostile and resistant. You cannot possibly know what people have been through. I've been in the forces and on leaving worked in Old Age and Adult Psychiatry, I've also worked on a Maternity Unit. I guarantee I have seen and heard and even done things that would make your hair curl. I'd never dream of using those experiences to justify not being accountable or to explain why I was shit and damaging at my job.

vickibee · 21/08/2018 12:52

Omg we are about to undertake a sw aseesment. We have a 11 yo asd son and with his anger and violence we are finding it difficult to manage. We were viewing their involvement as positive but I am worried after reading some of the comments here.
He is not neglected in anyway, he is loved and we tell him everyday but his behaviour is so off the wall that we need help or respite or something.

boredmaman · 21/08/2018 12:52

I'd never dream of using those experiences to justify not being accountable or to explain why I was shit and damaging at my job

neither would I, which is probably why I haven't done so here.
Does anyone actually read>

boredmaman · 21/08/2018 12:53

We were viewing their involvement as positive but I am worried after reading some of the comments here

Please don't let peoples misinformation worry you.

Pengggwn · 21/08/2018 12:55

vickibee

Did you ask for their involvement or were you referred?

Original poster
fudgeraisinbiscuit · 21/08/2018 12:55

How can SS involvement be positive?

OP posts:
Original poster
fudgeraisinbiscuit · 21/08/2018 12:55

Ah, ignore me, not CP.

OP posts:
Tessliketrees · 21/08/2018 12:56

Its neither. I'm talking about personal experience. For people who have not had those experiences they would sound bizarre and hyperbolic, unfortunately they are neither

It's anecdotal then, and again, how come that's not okay for parents but okay for social workers?

Anyway it was full of generalisations--

These are people who have been working for years, often decades with some of the worst of society

NQSWs don't exist then?

They have seen things that would give you nightmares and have carried on working to try and help children

All social workers have seen this stuff. All of them. Even those working in early intervention, the third sector, disability teams and transitional teams. The would give "you" nightmares because only special social workers see bad stuff and everybody else would have a fainting episode.

They may have seen death and abuse and neglect the likes of which none of you would be able to handle

And again with telling other people what they can and can't handle. As if social workers are the only people that deal with trauma.

they are not supported and helped

Good supervision and support services don't exist anywhere apparently.

And then when they cant handle it so well anymore and they perhaps become less able at their jobs, they are not supported and helped, they are vilified

This is just fucking offensive, somebody is not able to do their (really important) job. Continues to do it and fucks it up and they are the victim. Get. A. Grip.

HelicopterHedgehog · 21/08/2018 12:56

It's not misinformation when it actually happened Bored Hmm but as I said, given my further experiences after complaining I would have no issue reaching out again if I had to

HollyGibney · 21/08/2018 12:57

Well you did.

"And then when they cant handle it so well anymore and they perhaps become less able at their jobs, they are not supported and helped, they are vilified".

As are soldiers and NHS workers who make "mistakes".

Your argument basically boils down to "you lot just don't get it", which is laughable and means nothing and is just an easy get out. Many of of us do get it via our own life experiences and a parents difficult experience with SS or an ineffective SW is as valid and distressing as anything you've described.

Tessliketrees · 21/08/2018 12:58

How can SS involvement be positive?

Indeed not CP but also not all is even C.

Claw001 · 21/08/2018 13:00

vickibee ask which team you have been referred to. The disability team, assess child and carers needs and can give respite etc.

Tessliketrees · 21/08/2018 13:02

Your argument basically boils down to "you lot just don't get it

Really? For me it seems to be "Social workers are special and should be above criticism because the job is really really hard"

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