Thank you tess
aunt I think spanglys post is yet another example of why the system needs to change.
My own lived experience. Professional, wealthy family, dc physically well cared for, doing well at school, no indication of physical abuse etc. Siblings all wonderful mentally and behaviour wise. No history of mh or any other problem in parents.
One dc is different, has numerous traits and habits that indicate autism. Difficult behaviour, goes off alone, has meltdowns of a nature they can hurt themselves, bed wets, swings between over confident and extremely nervous, reads a lot with a good imagination. Having private psychiatric treatment instigated by parents. Reported because of some concerning things dc has said and done.
Ss did as so many of you suggest they should, and fucked right off.
Dc now early teens, reported again because of concerning statements they have made. Dc achieving highly at school but disruptive and the bane of the slt and many staff. Shows little empathy to peers, and according to head uses defending the odd vulnerable peer as an excuse to bully others. Does very well socially but no respect for authority. School back up lovely parents.
Dc self harming and still prone to violent meltdowns at home, often hurting themselves unwittingly. Still goes off without telling anyone, sometimes before dawn till late at night. Avoids communication with mother, shows no empathy for parents. Still under psychiatrist. Abnormal body language at home, very low self esteem. Obsessive interests and hobbies. Many traits still show autism.
Mother concerned and distraught, struggling to support challenging dc. Now has minor mh problems because of the stress caused by coping with dc. Other dc still perfectly well adjusted.
This dc has been proven to have lied on occasion, and is intelligent and charismatic when they want.
Dc is distraught at the idea of being taken away, and readily admits their behaviour and mental health is the problem.
Ss again back the fuck off, just like you all seem to think they should.
Except they got it wrong. Everything that child did was caused by emotional abuse from the oh so lovely trying their best parents. So forgive me if I'm not on board with the idea of ss backing the fuck off when there are concerns but parents appear naice.
And yet despite that, I don't feel any need to make assumptions about those parents who are wrongly accused, nor do I hold ss responsible for destroying my childhood.
The individual sw was incompetent, and like other professionals involved too easily swayed by respectability. More blame lies with all those enabling bystanders who didn't like to interfere, or worse still didn't think it was real abuse. But essentially it was my parents who did it.
There are hordes of adults who were failed like me, but I've yet to hear anyone suggest there was a conspiracy to allow abusive parents to continue. Or a widespread desire to assume the majority of parents are lying.
What I do object to is the misrepresentation of ss as widespread child snatchers, where blatant lies and mass cover ups are highly likely, because it puts people off contacting ss when they should.