To not want to go to wedding

[BeanJen]

(Sorry- long post)
My DD will be 1 year old next week and I've never left her with anyone else apart from for a couple of evenings my mum has sat downstairs after I've put her to bed myself and less than a handful of times where my husband has taken her for a short period of time (2hrs or less) I'm not a crazy clingy parent it's just the help really hasn't been there for me no one has volunteered to take her overnight or even during the day for a couple of hours so it's been us 24/7 (I'm not complaining she's my responsibility not anyone else's...)
Anyway my husband and I have been invited to a wedding (no kids) and that would mean leaving her with my MIL for a whole day and night, (the venue is over an hour away from her house and we booked a hotel room). This was all planned months and months ago as weddings are and I assumed that by then she would have experience of staying away from me. She does like my MIL but we don't live near her so she's only seen her maybe once a month. She's a very capable woman (a health visitor so knows what she's doing!) but I'm not sure if I can do it. My LO is in a clingy phase and I just don't know if it's fair to leave her for so long from nothing?!
I'm really at the point now where I need to decide. Not going to the wedding will reflect badly on me with my husband's friends but I feel horribly nervous about it. AIBU? Should I just go (what my husband wants) What would you do?

I would go. Build up leaving her in between now and the wedding. Enjoy yourself 🤗

Can you do a trial overnight first?

Yes of course you should go. You've got loving and responsible child care available from MIL. Sooner or later a clingy baby has to gently learn that there are other people as well as his/her mother. And the mother has to learn to let go, in the nicest possible way. Off you go, and have a lovely day.

There's no option for a build-up time before I'm afraid. Wedding is in 2 weeks and I don't live near my MIL unfortunately.

Well she's never going to learn to be away from you if you don't leave her, nows the opportunity to start teaching her!

Thanks @Singlenotsingle I totally get where you're coming from I'm just really worried that it's such a long time to leave her for the very first time. MIL would have to do bed time routine and everything something she's never done. I've never let my DD cry for even a minute the thought of her being distressed really upsets me :(

I really think you should go but for your own sakes rather than feeling bad about declining invite. I know it will be tough but as you say she's very capable and it will be good for dd to learn to have the odd night apart from you. It will also be a great opportunity for you and dh to have a long overdue night away together! Can't believe you haven't had the chance in a whole year... you must be exhausted!

SHE. WILL. BE. FINE. She might get tearful a bit because that's what babies do. Your MIL is MORE than capable of handling her. She won't even remember ever being upset without you. Honestly, this is all about you and your anxieties. It's time to stretch out the cord a bit.

PS I'm sure you can check in for updates throughout the day/night and worst case scenario one sleepless night for MIL/DD won't do any harm to either

If it's any consolation I was in a very similar situation with my son, left him overnight for the first time ever with my parents so I could attend a wedding, he was about 18 months.

I fretted and stressed about it, in the build up and on the day of the wedding. He had a BALL. Really enjoyed himself, cried for a few minutes at bedtime, then slept better there than he ever did for me.

The little shite

MIL would have to do bed time routine and everything something she's never done.

I think you've forgotten that she has raised her own children and in fact has FAR more experience than you do. If you don't cross this bridge now, your anxiety is only going to get worse, and that is not healthy for you or your child.

If it was me, I’d go. Get some FaceTime/Skype sessions in so MILs face and voice are really familiar.

If you don't want to be a part from her for that long just yet, then that is fine.
Just cancel, DH can go on his own.

Whatever works for you and your family is ok.
It might be different from others , but that does not make it better or worse.

I didn't leave my LO with anyone other than OH or childminder at that age.

And not in the evening or overnight at all

I did it recently having spent MONTHS agonising (after saying yes when pregnant thinking it would be easy peasy!!) It honestly kept me awake at night.

It all went really well and LO was none the worse for wear

I recommend going- having that full night off/not having to go back to baby - means that you should truly have a good time

But of course everyone is different and if you just don't want to do it then don't feel bad at all.

Good luck!

Ps the timings/circumstances of the wedding we attended were very similar to what you describe

Go and enjoy yourself! It will be nice for you and dh.
If it’s any consolation I’m forced to go back to work when dc is 3 months old so be glad for the lovely year you’ve had with her.

Enjoy yourself you deserve a break too

YABU

My LO is in a clingy phase and I just don't know if it's fair to leave her for so long from nothing?!

^You have known about the wedding for a while now so why haven’t you started to build up the leaving period with your child.
Cancelling with 2 weeks notice is rude especially as you had plenty of time to prepare.

I think your MIL will be totally understanding of the babies needs and will expect the child to be a bit fussy etc over bed time. That's part of having other peoples children to stay over.

She'll be fine and the time will fly by.

Have a good time

I'd see if your MIL is free within the next 2 weeks. You could spend the morning with her then leave DD there whilst you go out for lunch, cinema, shopping whatever. If she's still napping maybe go over naptime, get MIL to try settle her down, or do it together? What ever you feel comfortable with.
I do think it's a big step to go from never leaving her and her ALWAY having you at bedtime to leaving her all day and night. But PPs are right. She will fall asleep eventually and she might be perfectly fine.

If you cannot manage to get to MILs (although I think the travel would be very much worth it) then maybe have your DH put her to bed any nights that he can do.

I wouldn't have gone to a no kids wedding when my children were little. I wouldn't have enjoyed myself.

I'm going against the grain here, but I wouldn't leave her for so long when you've hardly been apart before. No matter how capable your MIL is, your DD just isn't used to being cared for by her.

I would encourage you to go, but I understand how hard it is, DS was nearly 2 when I had my first night away! I second the idea of Skype sessions, we've done this with my MIL who lives hours away. If you really can't face it though you could perhaps go for the day and leave DH behind to go back for bedtime?

She has more experience than you! So why are you worrying?