To not want to go to wedding

[BeanJen]

(Sorry- long post)
My DD will be 1 year old next week and I've never left her with anyone else apart from for a couple of evenings my mum has sat downstairs after I've put her to bed myself and less than a handful of times where my husband has taken her for a short period of time (2hrs or less) I'm not a crazy clingy parent it's just the help really hasn't been there for me no one has volunteered to take her overnight or even during the day for a couple of hours so it's been us 24/7 (I'm not complaining she's my responsibility not anyone else's...)
Anyway my husband and I have been invited to a wedding (no kids) and that would mean leaving her with my MIL for a whole day and night, (the venue is over an hour away from her house and we booked a hotel room). This was all planned months and months ago as weddings are and I assumed that by then she would have experience of staying away from me. She does like my MIL but we don't live near her so she's only seen her maybe once a month. She's a very capable woman (a health visitor so knows what she's doing!) but I'm not sure if I can do it. My LO is in a clingy phase and I just don't know if it's fair to leave her for so long from nothing?!
I'm really at the point now where I need to decide. Not going to the wedding will reflect badly on me with my husband's friends but I feel horribly nervous about it. AIBU? Should I just go (what my husband wants) What would you do?

I had separation anxiety with my first and know it can be quite overwhelming. Try to go it may help with these feelings, you can call a few times and at the worst you can always get a taxi to mils.

I agree that you should start leaving your DD with your DH regularly, for a couple of hours first then maybe for half a day? That way she'll start getting used to you not being around all the time.

It’s actually good for your children to learn to be good with small changes to their routine. It teaches them that they are still secure even if mum or dad has to go for a while. This is how you help your children, little by little, to become resilient and to be secure in their little lives and not to be anxious about perfectly normal things such as sometimes being away from you. I agree that it is your issue not hers, and this is a good opportunity to practise managing your own anxiety around this so that you do not end up transferring that to her.

Would it be possible to stay at your MIL’s place the night preceding as well? That might make it a little easier on her/you, as she will have had a bit more time to settle in.

Thank you all for your candid advice. It's genuinely helped me change my mind. I'm now definitely going to go and I will just have to deal with the feelings that come with that. (I'm not going to lie and say I won't spend the whole day panicking!) You're all right about my MIL and I knew it already. We're actually moving nearer to her in September so perhaps I will have the odd night off going forward! Not that I want it! I wouldn't have considered cancelling if it weren't for the fact that my DH's friends have just had a baby themselves and have already said they would understand, but my husband is eternally grateful to you all!

Go to the wedding

Is it possible for you to get your MIL and DD a room of their own in the hotel? We did this with our two when I was matron of honour at a wedding recently that was child friendly during the day but then went kid-free after 6pm (the worst of both worlds!).

It worked really nicely, I was able to pop up in case of emergency, I didn’t feel like MIL was going to have a terrible night with no support and we all had breakfast together the next morning which was nice too. I appreciate it’s an expense, but would that be a compromise?

Sorry, in the time it took me to write that you updated! Go and have an amazing time :)

Could mil not come to your home. Little one be in a familiar envirnoment with own toys cot etc. Thats what l always did with my gd at that age . Her dm gave me her exact night time routine so pretty much everything was as normal except for me.
When my own dm minded her many gc she had an amazing capacity to get them to nap, eat and so on. I think the children sensed her confidence in the situation and totally went along with it.

Good shout OP. I bet you'll actually enjoy it

Does your Dh not have any days off before the wedding! Leave him with dc for a day to build up you being apart. (Why has he not had him for more than a couple of hours alone befor?)
You would be very very unreasonable to cancel now. Most wedding venues need final numbers 2-4 weeks before so your meal etc will have to be paid for no matter what so that would be very unfair on the bride and groom.

Ah missed the last update!

You should definitely go!

Go.you know she will be safe.she will be happily absorbed in playing,eating sleeping.she won't be wondering how long til mum comes home.
Hard as it absolutely is,you should go.
You must not enable separation anxiety i your dc by never leaving them.
It will do you good,a chance to dress up a bit and have time for you and your dh .
A whole night's undisturbed sleep!
Go.and enjoy yourself.
You will return refreshed and more confident in leaving her in future.
Have a lovely time.

Great update, I'm really glad you've decided to go. Have a wonderful time, your DD will be absolutely fine with her lovely DGM.

@garethsouthgatesmrs

Im not talking bollocks my lovely... iv spent the last 20 years of my life dealing with attachments day in day out , dealing with the consequences of people who make - like yours - poor assumptions through inability or ignorance about what it means to nurture healthy attachments in children.