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Original poster

Paid time off for antenatal appointments

101 replies

PeterRabbitBenji · 20/08/2018 15:45

Just that really. I want to attend every appointment with my wife. I've been informed by the HR department where I work that as a father I am only entitled to unpaid time off for 2 antenatal appointments. My wife is high risk and so will have many more than 2 appointments.

I wouldn't have believed it, but life in the UK really is geared for women to be the care givers and men to be the bread winners. How depressing...

OP posts:
WooYa · 20/08/2018 15:47

It is a bit shit... DH only came to one midwife appt and I had to book private scans so he could see DS. He didn't get any time off though - that appt was just coincidental when he wasn't working

badtime · 20/08/2018 15:47

What you're describing seems to be 'geared for' women being pregnant and men not being pregnant.

ChoudeBruxelles · 20/08/2018 15:48

Well your wife has to be there as she’s the one pregnant and you don’t. Can’t you book some leave

AhhhhThatsBass · 20/08/2018 15:49

I think it is less to do with who the primary caregiver is and more to do with who is growing the baby.
This country isn't bad in terms of splitting parental leave; I know quite a few men who have taken half of the parental leave.

Don't get me wrong, I do think that if you want to attend antenatal appointments, you should be able to but I don't think your workplace is entirely unreasonable to insist it's unpaid time off. Can they not be scheduled late in the day or early in the morning to minimise the amount of time you have to take off?

badtime · 20/08/2018 15:49

btw, why wouldn't you have believed it? Did you think men and women were treated totally equally?

If you ask your wife, I'm sure she will have plenty of stories about men and women being treated differently for a lot less reason than this.

FASH84 · 20/08/2018 15:51

Legally it's time off unpaid for two antenatal appointments, your wife gets more because it's her medical appointment, and employers have to allow some time for those, same as if they were your medical appointments you'd get the time. My DH just uses his Flexi/toil to attend

Sirzy · 20/08/2018 15:51

The woman has to be there, she is a pretty key part of the process!

I get you want to be there but it is unrealistic to expect paid time off for them all! Just like a female couldn’t expect paid time off for her husbands medical appointments

GoingToInfinity · 20/08/2018 15:51

Yes it is annoying that you can't be there for all appointments but at the end of the day, she's the one that's growing the baby. Could you not take other appointments as holiday?

TittyGolightly · 20/08/2018 15:51

I've been informed by the HR department where I work that as a father I am only entitled to unpaid time off for 2 antenatal appointments.

That’s your legal entitlement.

drnectarine · 20/08/2018 15:51

It's the same for all medical appointments presumably.

LoisCommonDenominator84 · 20/08/2018 15:51

Personally I would just tell them you have doctor’s appointments for yourself and go with your partner. It’s only a few appointments anyway, surely they can manage without you for a few hours over 9 months.

lexer · 20/08/2018 15:51

For goodness sake. Why should your company pay for you to take time off? Take holidays and be reasonable about things. Totally unreasonable.

Merryoldgoat · 20/08/2018 15:51

No, women HAVE to go, because they are the ones carrying the baby. The father might LIKE to go, but he doesn’t have to and isn’t required to be there.

That’s biology.

FASH84 · 20/08/2018 15:52

Also the midwife will want to see your wife in her own at least once, there are questions they will want to ask her about your relationship without you present

Winchester89 · 20/08/2018 15:52

Erm - what others have said really. Your wife NEEDS to be there, you don't. That's why she gets the paid time off.
Is it your first? I assume if she is high risk she will be seeing a consultant? could you not just arrange time off for these appts but not the standard midwife ones (as they are rarely longer than 15 mins and not a lot happens)

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 20/08/2018 15:55

I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant and also 'high risk'. I have had to go to hospital for a scan, followed by an hour+ wait to see a consultant, followed by appointment with said consultant every 2 weeks. This basically means I've had a half day off work every 2 weeks throughout my pregnancy. My work have been fine with it- they have no choice because I'm the one who's pregnant- but I wouldn't expect DH's work to agree for him to have so much time off just so he can effectively keep me company.

Merryoldgoat · 20/08/2018 15:55

Also, I had two high risk pregnancies. My DH has no reason to come to any appointment for that reason alone. He came to two scans for each pregnancy. Perfectly adequate.

And if there was an emergency I’m guessing you could leave work as you would under any other circumstances that constituted an emergency.

Thehogfather · 20/08/2018 15:55

badtime beat me to it. It has nothing to do with caregivers and everything to do with the fact your wife, not you or we are pregnant.

alwaysultra · 20/08/2018 15:55

Why didn't you get pregnant then Hmm

Zcarter · 20/08/2018 15:55

I was high risk my partner didn’t need to be at the appointments. He came to my 12 week and 20 week scans which was nice for both of us xx

amy85 · 20/08/2018 15:56

😂😂
This has nothing to do with being the primary caregiver....this has everything to do with your wife being the one carrying and growing the baby!!! The appointments are for her so why do you think you should get paid time off!!! I don't get paid time off if one of my kids have a doctor's appointment

Neshoma · 20/08/2018 15:56

Do you not get annual leave?

CluedoAddict · 20/08/2018 15:56

My husband had a workshy colleague who managed to wangle getting off every appointment his wife had and it was paid for. Now everyone gets this as they couldn't do it for one but not the rest. I tried to always have the appointments as late as possible in the day. It was great having him there as I had a very high risk pregnancy and was very often admitted after seeing the consultant.

Hidillyho · 20/08/2018 15:58

How would you propose the appointment go without the actual pregnant person there?
It’s geared towards the pregnant person. If you were adopting then I would assume your wife would only be given 2 appointments off to go too

lifechangesforever · 20/08/2018 16:00

Whilst I was also disappointed that DH didn't get time off for appointments, it's nothing to do with 'gearing women to be the caregivers' it's the fact that I (said woman) was the one who was biologically able to be pregnant and therefore needed to attend the appointments.

Tbf, DH only really needed to be at the scans, he attended other stuff if he happened to be off work anyway.

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