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Original poster

Paid time off for antenatal appointments

101 replies

PeterRabbitBenji · 20/08/2018 15:45

Just that really. I want to attend every appointment with my wife. I've been informed by the HR department where I work that as a father I am only entitled to unpaid time off for 2 antenatal appointments. My wife is high risk and so will have many more than 2 appointments.

I wouldn't have believed it, but life in the UK really is geared for women to be the care givers and men to be the bread winners. How depressing...

OP posts:
Santaclarita · 20/08/2018 16:03

I'm sure my colleague was allowed half days when his wife was pregnant and they were treated as if he was going to the hospital for him, so not really holiday, it was medical leave. But might be wrong, just it seemed that way.

flowery · 20/08/2018 16:03

”I wouldn't have believed it, but life in the UK really is geared for women to be the care givers and men to be the bread winners.”

No, life in the U.K. (and everywhere else) is geared up for women to be the pregnant ones and therefore the ones that need to attend antenatal appointments.

Most employers will allow you to take annual leave or make the time up if you want to attend more than two appointments.

OutPinked · 20/08/2018 16:04

I’ve had lots of appointments DP has missed due to work but also due to the fact he really doesn’t need to be there. He’s attended three scans and a private one but missed a growth scan last week, not a massive deal as I didn’t see much. He hasn’t been to any of the midwife appointments and only to one consultant appointment. He had to book leave for all of the above, most were half days rather than full.

You don’t actually need to be at the appointments but scans I can understand.

Original poster
PeterRabbitBenji · 20/08/2018 16:05

Thanks everyone for your views. Obviously, my wife HAS to go and despite my belly, I am not pregnant.

It's our second child but I guess I just didn't think about it previously.

OP posts:
wayoutinthewater · 20/08/2018 16:06

People with disabilities are only entitled to unpaid time off for medical appointments pertaining to their disabilities.
So men/women with pregnant partners aren’t so bad off.

user1471426142 · 20/08/2018 16:25

A lot of the antenatal appointments are pretty dull so really no need for you to attend too. Scans might be different but do you really need to go along to see your wife have her blood pressure checked and wee in a pot? It’s nice that you want to be supportive but i can see why employers don’t offer more.

ADastardlyThing · 20/08/2018 16:27

You're not the one who's pregnant.

Hth.

Sixgeese · 20/08/2018 16:31

I have had three high risk pregnancies and DH only came to the 12 week scan. Being a teacher he also didn't get the option of taking leave to come either.

With seeing the rheumatologist at least once a month as well as frequent scans and seeing the High Risk maternity consultant he would have been needing at least 3 days off a month. While it would have been nice having him there, he didn't need to be there.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 20/08/2018 16:32

I think you are taking the piss. Why should your employer pay you not to go to work? You don't have a medical appt - your wife does!

Sixgeese · 20/08/2018 16:33

Haemotologist (Auto correct!)

Stephisaur · 20/08/2018 16:34

I'm also high risk.

DH comes to all my scans with me, but this is a pain at work (we work together) so he's had to book full/half day holiday for a few of them. We have to have quite a lot of scans.

He doesn't come to my general Midwife appointments because there's not much point, and we only see the consultant after scans when we're already at the hospital.

Could you not use some annual leave?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 20/08/2018 16:40

Some people here are being a bit harsh I think.

Yes the woman has to attend.

But....

The scans aren't just so parents can see the baby. They are checking there is a baby. That it's a viable pregnancy. That it is developing normally. That there are no anomalies. It is an appointment for the mother but also for the baby. I think it should be made easier for fathers to be there for their baby''s medical appointments. I'm not saying every week for growth scans etc but the major ones - it's 2 appointments in 9 months, why couldn't they be paid or be able to make the time up etc.

Thé woman feels pregnant straight away. Some men find it makes the whole thing seem a lot more 'real' when they see the scan and they become much more invested. Not saying this is right but often true

The woman may really want or need their partner there for support! Would you like to receive some devastating news by yourself or prefer you partner there? Especially if it is high risk, she is probably scared and would prefer the dad there. Again it doesn't have to be the dad, but he will want to be there to hear any news first hand - good or bad.

I am playing devil's advocate to some extent but we can't scream it's all about the woman and the man has no right to be there then complain when they're not as invested in the whole process as us...

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 20/08/2018 16:43

And I am sure OP knows it's his wife that's pregnant

TittyGolightly · 20/08/2018 16:48

I'm not saying every week for growth scans etc but the major ones - it's 2 appointments in 9 months, why couldn't they be paid or be able to make the time up etc.

The legal entitlement is 2 appointments, unpaid, max of 6.5 hours each. Many employers offer more, or for hours to be made up/be paid. But they can’t all do that.

Fireworks91 · 20/08/2018 17:19

It is a medical appointment, perhaps hold on to the stat ones for scans and take it from there.

flowery · 20/08/2018 17:29

”The woman may really want or need their partner there for support! Would you like to receive some devastating news by yourself or prefer you partner there?”

That’s why fathers now have the right to take time off for these appointments, which they didn’t have until recently.

ADastardlyThing · 20/08/2018 17:36

"it's 2 appointments in 9 months, why couldn't they be paid or be able to make the time up etc."

Tbf everywhere I've worked has never deducted the pay or have allowed the time to be made up, if the question has been asked.

Like you say it's two appointments, all dad has to do is check which appointment will be an important one and go to that.

BlueBug45 · 20/08/2018 17:41

OP depending on how many scans they want to do then you are just going to have to ask your employer if you can make the time up or take unpaid leave, as I presume you will want to use your holidays when the baby is born. The other appointments where there are no scans you don't need to attend.

Oh and my OH, due to having a generous parental leave package, is going to be the one taking most of the shared parental leave.

hammeringinmyhead · 20/08/2018 17:50

I do think that the 2 scans should be paid time off. I would have been absolutely petrified at my 12 week if I had to go on my own because we couldn't afford to lose the money. I would have been in no fit state to drive home if it was bad news.

cadburyegg · 20/08/2018 17:58

There are other medical appointments that you might receive devastating news at that don’t just revolve around pregnancy !

I was high risk second time round and my DH came to less than half of my appointments.

In the last few weeks coming to every appointment would have meant taking 2 mornings off a week

NailsNeedDoing · 20/08/2018 18:06

I think the law as it stands is fair.

If it's important enough, take annual leave. If it's not, then there's no reason that employers should pay for it when staff aren't willing to. I don't mean to sound harsh, I'd have loved my then dp with me at every appointment, but it was fine when he wasn't.

Biologifemini · 20/08/2018 18:09

It looks dodgy if the chap is there at each visit. Like they are controlling or something.

Pregnancy isn’t a disease and she doesn’t need you there.

BunsOfAnarchy · 20/08/2018 18:17

I feel you OP...
My husband is self employed. So any time away from work means losing a days wage.
He came to every single MW appointment. And scan. And took 2 weeks off unpaid after the birth.

You're lucky you even get paid for the 2! Book off a morning/afternoon. At least you'll still get paid.

@Biologifemini it may look dodgy to you but we both wanted to go together as we were clueless and i wanted him to be fully aware of everything that was going on. No, its not an illness but would you believe the amount of symptoms of an illness it can come with for a lot of women! If i wasnt being sick i had the runs. Sometimes both at the same time....
Pregnancy was fun Grin

Yura · 20/08/2018 18:21

Most antenatal appointments take 5 min at max (even high risk), you go in, get asked 3-4 questions, measure blood pressure, go out. No time for questions, midwives won’t answer anything. Absolute waste of time for anybody but the pregnant person to go. Scans are different, but won’t be that many either. So, yes, unpaid should be ok

Glumglowworm · 20/08/2018 18:23

Nothing to do with care givers. Everything to do with who is actually pregnant!

Take annual leave or negotiate additional unpaid leave with your manager.

It’s not particularly surprising that your employer won’t pay for you to attend someone else’s medical appointments.

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