To contact someone who ghosted me years ago?

[Holyguacamoley]

Childhood friend until our mid 20s. Good friendship which was later mostly correspondence based with odd meetups. No romantic feelings from him to me and I was a bit swoony as he was v handsome but nothing I ever said or acted on, just mild crushing. We weren't right for each other and I'd never have risked mortifying myself and losing our friendship. Then he just stopped responding to my letters and emails. He'd always been slightly flaky so I kept it up for a while before I realised that there really weren't any replies coming. Checked the address etc. I've got two theories - 1 is that he twigged I slightly fancied him and didn't handle it well so decided to cut me off. 2 is that I know he had a falling out with my brother. Nothing serious they just never really liked each other and it came to a head with a bit of shouting and blaming on both sides (I think my brother behaved arrogantly and I think he was unnecessarily rude to my brother, though I've never expressed these thoughts). Maybe he blamed me for staying out of it, or decided to cut me off alongside my brother? He popped up on Facebook a few years later, friends with some of my friends, and I sent a request and a friendly note but it got ignored. I've left it since then. It's probably 15 years since last friendly contact. I was terribly hurt and sad that he cut me out, but I also miss him and the lovely friendship we shared. He was there for me through some ups and downs, and vice versa. I've recently been in touch with a mutual friend and on the spur of the moment asked if she had a current email address for him and she said yes and has given it to me. She also let me know he's had some mental health problems. WIBU to try contacting him again? You shouldn't give up on people, right?

You said he knew your husband, could it be that he ghosted you due to jealousy of you choosing your husband and not him? That he was in fact in love with you? I can't understand why you'd have so many mutual friends with him that you see and he sees but you never see each other.
If it is the reason though I think he'd be unlikely to admit it. So I don't know if there would be any point to messaging him again.
I do think some other posters have been quite harsh on you, its hard to loose a friendship, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being sad about it, it's a shame you've never bumped into him to ask him face to face.

Absolutely don't contact him. Just don't. I know this is a friendship but he's not that into you. You will only feel worse about yourself for making contact when he inevitably doesn't reply or is blunt with you.

This is a chance to have some self-respect. If you need to, write him a letter and then burn it.

I had a stage of my life where I got horribly infatuated with someone. It happened because I had had a very very rough time and felt worthless. I felt very irrationally that if this person showed me some interest, it would be proof that I was in fact worth something. I look back and absolutely cringe that I bugged this man, because he wasn't interested. Really his opinion of me had no meaning. More than anything I wish I had had some counselling, completely blocked this guy and deleted all his contact details and put all that energy into taking care of myself. Don't be a mug - there is harm in it. Concentrate on the people who do see your value and try to build your own self-worth. He doesn't really owe you his friendship or any explanation I'm afraid.

You said he knew your husband, could it be that he ghosted you due to jealousy of you choosing your husband and not him? That he was in fact in love with you?

It doesn’t matter even if he was. It’s ancient history. Where is he now? Gone! Mourn it and move on.

Mymycherrypie that's not the point, it's my opinion as to why he fucked her off. I also said there was no point messaging him. Read the fucking post.

I said it because speculating on the reason he left, feeds further obsession. “Maybe he was jealous” further sensationalises it.

Re: your post at 2256 last night.

WHY???

Are you planning on having him in your life in the future?

I totally understand where you're coming from OP. I had several friendships in the past with people I've now lost touch with, and I felt very sad for a number of years that they're no longer in my life. Two were similar to the friendship you were describing where there was a sexual attraction, but also recognition that we were fundamentally incompatible. One of them works in my industry, but I came to terms with it a long time ago and I don't feel tempted to get in touch. I cared for him, but he wasn't kind to his girlfriend's, and I remember that when I get the nostalgia bug.

The other one I've had to accept just doesn't want me in his life any more. There was a time when the crush was on his side, and then some years later we had a 'friends with benefits' thing going on. We stayed in touch for several years after I met my DH, and there's been no falling out, but he just started ghosting me, and I have had to accept that he doesn't want my friendship. I still think the world of him, and feel that in an ideal world my life would be richer for continuing to have contact as he's very intelligent and interesting. He sounds a bit like your chap because I was slightly surprised to find him on FB and sent him a request which he never responded to. He's also had mental ill health periodically before, so I haven't been sure if that was why he'd stopped contact.

I emailed him a couple of years ago and passed on my news, but he didn't reply, and I guess for me that was the end of the road. When I was in his city earlier this year I called up some female uni friends instead of him, and had zero regrets. I hope he knows that I care, but we have so few cross over points in our lives any more that I won't feel embarrassed if we ever bump into each other. I guess I finally got to the point where I could let him go, and it's no longer eating at me.

I tend to get close to only a small number of people, so losing touch with any of them is tough. However, I'm now more interested in trying to make new friends for the future than flogging my past to death. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

oooh gurl don’t do it- people who ghost aren’t worth the effort queen 💁🏻‍♀️