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AIBU?

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Original poster

I don't agree this is victim blaming

441 replies

TeeJay1970 · 19/08/2018 15:29

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-45232993

I know what victim blaming is so there is no need to define it for me.

Surely this is just good advice?

The police have had to apologise for encouraging

"friends to look after each other on a night out to prevent someone becoming vulnerable or separated from the group"

Isn't that what good friends do?

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 19/08/2018 17:49

Don’t give me the every man is a potential rapist stuff, please.

Hangingaroundtheportal · 19/08/2018 17:49

Will a man who has the proclivity to rape actually take a blind bit of notice of a campaign telling them it’s wrong? They know it’s wrong, they just don’t care

See I disagree. I think in a some of these cases, especially where alcohol is involved, men don't realise that they need 'reasonable belief in consent' from the woman in question. Just that if she isn't screaming and shouting 'noooooooo' and fighting you off, you are good to go. If she is unconscious, well, she isn't saying no is she? This attitude is fairly widespread and I have seen it with my own eyes (with one man in particular who I should probably report to the police really after what he told my DH some years ago, but really, what am I going to do?)

It goes back to this idea that all rapists are ugly trench coated blokes waiting in the bushes with a knife and the victim screams and shouts and struggles. It helps if she is a virgin and has no previous sex life to draw upon as well.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 19/08/2018 17:50

We all need to teach our sons that drunk women cannot consent. If men can not control themselves around drunk women, then they should not be in an environment where a) they are getting drink or b) women are getting drink.

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/08/2018 17:51

Advising people to protect themselves as far as possible from potential crime is just good advice. it doesn't take the onus off the criminal just makes it harder for the criminal to commit crime

Ultimately most rapes are not a result of some woman getting drunk and walking home alone. This idea that rapists are men waiting on street corners for drunk girls to pick off is a false one. And women are not safer for avoiding bars and dark alleys.

This poster is nothing but a tick box exercise . Police can say they have made an effort to help protect women and reduce rape. They haven't. .

Most rapes are by people they know. Like paedophiles . Everyone's afraid of the creepy man in the corner with the puppy and Haribo. But forgets about creepy uncle Dave who is round the house twice a month for cheese and wine

Women are no safer .

Original poster
TeeJay1970 · 19/08/2018 17:52

Define drunk.

Some of the bedt sex of my was and iswhen I've had a few. Was I raped?

OP posts:
Hangingaroundtheportal · 19/08/2018 17:53

Don’t give me the every man is a potential rapist stuff, please.

Of course every man is a potential rapist! Otherwise why are we giving women this advice in the first place?

glintandglide · 19/08/2018 17:53

Oh for goodness sake stop being so obtuse OP. No one is that dim.

gilmoregal · 19/08/2018 17:54

I don't think it's necessarily victim blaming.

Look after each other and look out for your mates is good advice for both men and women.

I would tell my son to not drink so much he is unaware of his surroundings the same way I would to a daughter... the world isn't the nicest place and being that drunk leaves you vulnerable whether you're a man or woman to sexual or physical assault, mugging...

A personal experience, when I was in my late teens I was far too drunk at a club with friends. My friends brother who we weren't actually out with saw me being guided by holding hands out of the door with two boys/men. He stepped in and the one was aggressive toward with him. To this day I am so grateful he saw this and stepped in, and feel sick just thinking about it.

Putyourdamnshoeson · 19/08/2018 17:55

Oh FFS. These attitudes are why rape is so common and rarely convicted.

glintandglide · 19/08/2018 17:56

I hope to god some of you don’t end up on a rape trial jury. “Of course she consented, she probably had the best shag of her life pissed, just like me”

Putyourdamnshoeson · 19/08/2018 17:57
ivykaty44 · 19/08/2018 17:57

It depends what type of society we want to live in

One where we should be free to carry money in our pocket and wear an expensive suit and regard a mugger as a criminal

Or

A society where we live in fear of bad things happening if we carry cash and wear expensive clothing and should know better

ivykaty44 · 19/08/2018 17:59

The latter society is what you achieve if you keep blaming the victim

SilverDoe · 19/08/2018 18:08

Tbh I think the poster is a slight red herring. As many have said on here, most rapists do not operate this way. Men who have attacked me have all been known to me.

Similarly I read an article from the BBC about a woman’s account of bearing and raising a child conceived when she was raped by a friend. She was sitting on the sofa with him and he just did it, and then acted like nothing had happened afterward.

It’s absolutely terrifying, I might be biased but it’s even more terrifying to me than the stereotypical dark alley rapist that there are otherwise ordinary men willing to do this :(

And since that’s what the majority of rape looks like, that is where the focus should be. But the truth is the police won’t make campaigns about that because maybe it’s too scary and difficult to address the fact that so many rapists are “normal men”.

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/08/2018 18:13

Of course every man is a potential rapist!

It’s shit like this that gets debate around how to change things shut down.

No not every man is a potential rapist, that’s fucking ludicrous.

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/08/2018 18:13

For what it’s worth the two men who raped me were known to me too. One of them was my husband, and the father of my 3 day old son.

sar302 · 19/08/2018 18:18

It was only in 1991 that it became legally recognised that men could "rape" their wives I believe? Up until then, it seems that marriage constituted ongoing and permanent consent. Obviously in reality there is no such thing!

Goes to show what an uphill battle we face.

SilverDoe · 19/08/2018 18:20

@YeTalkShiteHen so sorry to hear that, 3 days after giving birth? I’m so so angry for you Flowers

Is there a misunderstanding with the “potential rapist” thing?

I’ve always assumed it meant that like, to a woman walking down the street any man is a potential rapist, the same way anyone walking past your house could potentially burgal it, because they are unknown. Is that not the case then?

SilverDoe · 19/08/2018 18:22

I don’t believe all men are rapists at all. What a horrible thing to say. But, it has to be addressed that the majority of rape is, I believe they call it “Samaritan rape”. Most rapists know their victims.

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/08/2018 18:22

SilverDoe thank you. I was his apparently, to do what he wanted with. Bastard.

It’s attitudes like this that need to be changed.

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/08/2018 18:23

Rape is very rarely about sex either, it’s more likely to be about power and control.

OftenHangry · 19/08/2018 18:23

Since some of you already mentioned sexual assaults on children, I will just pop PANTS here in case anyone needs it

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/underwear-rule/

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 19/08/2018 18:24

Maybe I’ve misunderstood too. Obviously your version is absolutely true, Silver; I (perhaps stupidly) took it to mean every man would rape given the opportunity.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 19/08/2018 18:25

Flowers Hen

SilverDoe · 19/08/2018 18:25

Hen that’s horrific :( I completely agree it’s about power and control.

I think that’s the reason that there is a clear divide between sexual crimes against men and women and not a clear divide between boys and girls. Because all children are vulnerable :( makes me sick, this conversation is so upsetting, I’m going to do nice things and get my little ones ready for bed now as it’s so much to think about isn’t it