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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

IVF and alchohol?

91 replies

Holymosquito · 18/08/2018 23:36

An old school friend has confided in me that she and her partner are TTC. Both of them are late 30s and they have been trying for almost a year. Investigations have revealed that he has a low sperm count. They are now about to start IVF.

However they both IMO drink heavily. She claims to have cut back to only 3 pints or glasses of wine a night. He drinks far more - I don’t know him well but on the occasions we have met he has drunk upwards of 7 pints in an evening. My friend says this is normal for him.

AIBU to think that to start IVF without tackling the drinking is madness? I am also concerned that if they/he cannot reduce this alchohol consumption then they are going to have real issues with a baby?

OP posts:

SerenDippitty · 18/08/2018 23:39

YANBU. Their drinking won’t be doing their chances any good at all.

Storm4star · 18/08/2018 23:39

Quite likely they will have problems but, and I don’t mean this in a nasty way, but it’s really not any of your business that I can see. It’s for them to sort out as a couple.

LyndorCake · 18/08/2018 23:43

I agree with Storm. Really is none of your business!

IHaveBrilloHair · 18/08/2018 23:45

Nose out.

one2three4five · 18/08/2018 23:49

YABU

It's not your business. I am currently in the middle of IVF, it is a massively stressful and intrusive process. I am overweight, and I would be extremely upset if someone posted on mumsnet assuming that my fertility problems could be solved if I lost weight. If they are starting IVF, then they will have had many appointments beforehand where the amount of alcohol they drink will have been discussed, I have been asked many times if I drink and how much. If it was a problem then a qualified medical professional would most likely have told them so.

KC225 · 19/08/2018 05:48

I really don't know why people replying with nose out, none of your business, stay out of it. OP is a longstanding friend and is concerned.

Your friend is drinking above the recommended guideline of 14 units per week which I think comes in at 6 to 7 glasses a week. She is admitting to more than double that. And he is well over. Of course they should address this. The fact that she has told you this - do you think its a worry for her? Of course she will have been warned about cutting alcohol intake of starting IVF but it's easy to lie. No one is breathalysed in clinics. Can you talk to her about it?

To one2three the OP didn't say no alcohol would solve their fertility problems, she said there could be real issues with the baby if they don't get it under control. And if you are in the middle of IVF being overweight is big deal and can have an impact on your fertility - most clinics have a weight limit.

30hours · 19/08/2018 06:44

IVF doesn’t have a have success rate really. I don’t know why anyone bothers. It works for very few people usually after very many tries. Wine probably won’t make a difference really but I wouldn’t have much faith in her as a mother if she can’t quit drinking now.

30hours · 19/08/2018 06:47

Have a great success rating* sorry

Talkingfrog · 19/08/2018 07:25

"I don't know why anyone bothers" is not a very helpful comment 30 hours. The op did not ask about if ivf treatment works. It did for me first time and gave me my gorgeous daughter.
Maybe she thinks her friend is concerned by the drinking, but doesn't know how to discuss it and in an indirect way is asking for help. All aspects of lifestyle are discussed before treatment but may be weren't as truthful as they could have been.

Holymosquito -yanbu to be concerned if your friend has brought it up. I am not sure what you can do about it though. I would wait until your friend raises it again and then try to discuss it.

Also, you sound like a good friend.

30hours · 19/08/2018 07:27

@talkingfrog good for you to get your ‘gorgeous’ daughter first try. Most women don’t.

BlueBug45 · 19/08/2018 07:29

@30hours I know people it worked for first or second time and people it never worked for - couples hope they fall into the former category not the latter.

30hours · 19/08/2018 07:30

My point is the success rate is low. Wine won’t make a difference m.

HulaMelody · 19/08/2018 07:34

Our consultant told us to cut back to 5 units a week in the months preceding and preparing for IVF. It might not make a difference but then again it might (and sperm count can be improved through cutting out alcohol). For something so invasive and consuming (and expensive!) surely it makes sense to try to optimise the chance of success??

30hours · 19/08/2018 07:35

It does also state:

Maintaining a healthy weight and avoiding alcohol, smoking and caffeine during treatment may improve your chances of having a baby with IVF.

With stats so low I’m just not convinced. It’s more likely the ops ‘friend’ has an alcohol problem.

one2three4five · 19/08/2018 07:35

KC25- Thanks for the clarification, but do you seriously think I'm not aware of that? You think I got to the point of IVF without knowing that? My point is that I would be mortified if someone I thought was a friend, posted on Mumsnet about it as if losing weight could solve my problems. It didn't.

30hours- Really?! You seriously don't know why anyone would bother with IVF? Maybe because they are desperate for a baby and there is no other way to get one?

SteakSandwich · 19/08/2018 07:41

30hours, Couples have an over 50% chance at success over 3 cycles of IVF and a quarter of a million babies have been born in the UK through IVF.

I'm sorry if you've had a bad experience yourself and I realise it doesn't work for everyone. But it does work for the majority over 3 goes, particularly as techniques and dosages can be refined as treatment progresses.

OP, it's difficult for you to say anything. Is your friend maybe waiting until her treatment starts to stop drinking?

30hours · 19/08/2018 07:44

@SteakSandwich
I haven’t had a bad experience. I concieved naturally with an unplanned pregnancy at the height of my drinking and partying lifestyle.

My point remains- the chances of a live birth are so low/ I don’t think alcohol during IVF would make a difference.

SteakSandwich · 19/08/2018 07:56

@30hours - the majority of women having a live birth after 3 cycles isn't a low chance; that's at an average of all IVF clinics, some have much higher rates on one cycle.

And yes, alcohol can affect the result - there are academic studies on this.

SerenDippitty · 19/08/2018 08:01

30hours, Couples have an over 50% chance at success over 3 cycles of IVF and a quarter of a million babies have been born in the UK through IVF.

Over 40 years (first IVF baby born 1978) that works out at 6250 babies per year. Many of these will be twins or born to the same parents at different times. “A quarter of a million babies” does not equate to a quarter of a million successful couples.

MindatWork · 19/08/2018 08:04

I’ll sorry @30hours but you don’t know what you’re talking about. If one of their big issues is that he has a low sperm count, there is a huge number of things he can do to try and drastically improve it - one of those being cutting down (if not giving up) drinking, as well as taking a couple of supplements and improving your diet. You can get huge results in 3 months, which is the life cycle of sperm production. I know this from experience with my DH. Yes of course there will be thousands of couples who manage to conceive while drinking / doing drugs etc but if there is a known issue, I’d take it as a bad sign that the guy isn’t committed enough to it to change his lifestyle.

I also think it’s especially shitty if their IVF is nhs funded and neither of them can bring themselves to cut down. Why go through all the trauma and invasion of ivf if you’re not going to give yourself the best chance?*

*serial ivf-er, currently 23weeks

P3onyPenny · 19/08/2018 08:08

That is a ridiculous thing to say 30. IVF brings the chance of getting pregnant for couples up from nigh on zero for some to the same chances as a natural conception. Interestingly the chance of getting pregnant naturally for a normally fertile couple on a monthly basis aren't as high as you might think.

IVF bypasses blocked Fallopian tubes,gives free transport to slow sperm and helps eggs stuck in crappy ovaries like mine to exit and fertilise. My IVF twins would never have been born if IVF hadn't leapfrogged over all the above.

Op your friends might be drinking heavily due to the misery of infertility, you don't know the exact ins and outs or their plans. Did you share the planned conception details of all your dc?

Clairetree1 · 19/08/2018 08:08

IVF doesn’t have a have success rate really. I don’t know why anyone bothers

because it works!

I know literally dozens of children ( and adults) who were conceived this way.

Sockwomble · 19/08/2018 08:09

Those stats give a cumulative birth rate of 64% and 52% over 3 cycles for the 2 youngest age groups. The average age of a woman having ivf is 36 so the average woman will more likely than not have a baby within 3 cycles. Some clinics stats are better than these and some women's chances are better than this - 50% per cycle in some cases. Of course some will be worse but to say as a general statement that the chances are very low is incorrect.

SerenDippitty · 19/08/2018 08:12

*because it works!

I know literally dozens of children ( and adults) who were conceived this way.*

Confirmation bias. You hear about the successful ones. You are less likely to hear about the unsuccessful ones. So you assume the successful ones are the majority.

Sockwomble · 19/08/2018 08:16

Statistics show they are in the majority.

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