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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IVF and alchohol?

91 replies

Holymosquito · 18/08/2018 23:36

An old school friend has confided in me that she and her partner are TTC. Both of them are late 30s and they have been trying for almost a year. Investigations have revealed that he has a low sperm count. They are now about to start IVF.

However they both IMO drink heavily. She claims to have cut back to only 3 pints or glasses of wine a night. He drinks far more - I don’t know him well but on the occasions we have met he has drunk upwards of 7 pints in an evening. My friend says this is normal for him.

AIBU to think that to start IVF without tackling the drinking is madness? I am also concerned that if they/he cannot reduce this alchohol consumption then they are going to have real issues with a baby?

OP posts:
P3onyPenny · 19/08/2018 08:16

A normally fertile 35 year old couple has only 15-20% chance of getting pregnant naturally on any given month. 3 cycles of IVF brings many infertile couples chance of a pregnancy inline with a natural conception after 3 months of trying 30%ish.

We had zero chance of a pregnancy naturally, conceived twins with frozen embryos from our first cycle of IVF.

Latenightreader · 19/08/2018 08:16

30hours Without IVF I would not only not be pregnant now, but I wouldn't have had the minutest chance of getting pregnant. It was my only chance to have a baby. It wasn't an easy (or cheap) road, but even if it hadn't worked I would have known that I had tried. You are letting your ignorance shine through.

Clairetree1 · 19/08/2018 08:18

Confirmation bias. You hear about the successful ones. You are less likely to hear about the unsuccessful ones. So you assume the successful ones are the majority.

Its not confirmation bias at all, I have a rough idea what proportion of couples are seeking help through IVF, and I know how many success stories are around - in one class more than 50% of the children were born through IVF, unusual, probably, but still indicates how well it works

Original poster
Holymosquito · 19/08/2018 08:18

mindatwork Thank you, I think this is my main concern. I am worried that my friend is going to put herself through this when he is not prepared to cut down on his drinking ( currently about 5-7 times over the recommended intake for men) to see if that makes a difference first. - and if he can’t do it at conception what will he do once the baby is here?

Thank you for letting me know about the 3 month thing I will tell her that and it might make it seem more manageable for them.

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 19/08/2018 08:19

Statistics show they are in the majority.

Just me it didn’t work for then?

one2three4five · 19/08/2018 08:20

@SerenDippitty - How is it bias?! Those children and adults exist, therefore proving that it works. What should people do, not have IVF because of the stories of failure?! Give up on the dream of having children and leave it to the naturally fertile people?!

As @P3onyPenny said, maybe they drink because of the misery of infertility. And maybe they aren't sharing the whole picture anyway. I have been very open with people about my infertility struggles, but I don't go into specific details about me and my husband's bodily functions (or lack thereof) with everyone, because it's emotionally draining. I give a brief overview of the issues.

P3onyPenny · 19/08/2018 08:21

Of course there are unsuccessful IVF couples every month. The vast majority of perfectly fertile couples are unsuccessful on the first month of trying and the second and even the third.

IVF raises a chance of conception from zero to incredibly low to a possibility more inline with fertile couples( i.e. still low but more possible and in many cases actually possible),particularly when done for 3 cycles. You should always aim for 3 cycles of IVF.

Original poster
Holymosquito · 19/08/2018 08:23

Their drinking is consistent with their lifestyle over the last few years, it has not (as far as I know) changed since TTC.

OP posts:
P3onyPenny · 19/08/2018 08:24

Serendipity we don't know your history. You might have an untreatable issue or have used a less successful clinic.

Just because it didn't work for you and your partner at your clinic doesn't mean it shouldn't have worked for me and my partner at our clinic.

glintandglide · 19/08/2018 08:25

I think you’re being really out of order OP. What is the point in this thread? Poor woman having a friend like you. You have no idea what’s going on in her private life.

SerenDippitty · 19/08/2018 08:25

The vast majority of perfectly fertile couples are unsuccessful on the first month of trying and the second and even the third.

You would not think so from reading Mumsnet!

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 19/08/2018 08:27

IVF doesn’t have a have success rate really. I don’t know why anyone bothers

I’m an IVF child. I know loads of people who are. It does work.

P3onyPenny · 19/08/2018 08:27

Mumsnet is not a scientific study.Hmm

MindatWork · 19/08/2018 08:27

OP I’m assuming they will have had investigations done via their gp before being referred for ivf. My DH has to do 2 sperm samples 3 months apart to see if they improved after making some lifestyle changes (it did but not by enough, and with my additional issues we were still referred for ivf).

I’d be v surprised if they don’t already know all this as you’re told all the way through that there are many changes you can make that can improve your chances.

Of course it doesn’t work for everyone - I’m not one of this awful ‘do this, it worked for me!’ Ivfers. It took us 6 years and 5 rounds of ivf to get pregnant, with multiple issues - all the supplements and veggie smoothies in the world weren’t going to get me pregnant naturally!

The other main issue is that it’s v easy to lie about your diet and alcohol intake when going through ivf, no one ever checks up.

P3onyPenny · 19/08/2018 08:28

My dc have many Ace baby friends.

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 19/08/2018 08:29

The thing is you have a 1 in 5 chance of getting pregnant every month, or 20%.

IVF is not so different than that.

SerenDippitty · 19/08/2018 08:37

IVF does have a dark side and it would be nice to see that acknowledged sometimes. This website goes some way towards that.

reprotechtruths.org/

MindatWork · 19/08/2018 08:42

@SerenDippity I do agree with you.

There are very few stories in the media/tv/film about the many, many people ivf doesn’t work for. Sadly it doesn’t make such a good story so the narrative around ivf is all ‘miracle babies!!’

Unfortunately this leads to the situation where people without much experience of it think ivf automatically = baby and happy ever after.

You only need to read the infertility boards on here and elsewhere to understand what a lonely place it is to be. Flowers for you x

Clairetree1 · 19/08/2018 08:43

My dc have many Ace baby friends.

"ace" normally means asexual. what does it mean in this context?

P3onyPenny · 19/08/2018 08:44

No thanks, that website clearly has an axe to grind and has collected any news story inflated or otherwise and collected them on one site alongside asking others to contribute their negative story.

MindatWork · 19/08/2018 08:45

I’m assuming it’s a typo and meant to be ivf

Clairetree1 · 19/08/2018 08:46

@serendipity I'm sorry if you have had a bad experience and been unlucky.

However, I'm sitting in my cousin's house babysitting her step child as she and her partner are in hospital where she gave birth to an IVF daughter last night, with a donated egg.

Can't wait to meet the little girl.

First try with IVF, although many years of trying naturally

I'm sorry it didn't happen/hasn't yet happened for you though

Talkingfrog · 19/08/2018 08:46

30 hours - I am very aware how lucky we were on our first cycle and that not every round is successful - we 3 further failed cycles. I also know of many people that have had success and failure. It doesn't mean ivf as a treatment process should be discounted as you seem to be doing. The overall success rate of treatment is what the op us asking for.

It isn't an easy journey and op understandably is concerned her friend is embarking on the process without being fully prepared/givIng it their best chance.

Op -not sure on how much you know about the process, but if you want to find out a bit more about alcohol and ivf try looking on the website for a fertility clinic as most have useful info.

SerenDippitty · 19/08/2018 08:47

No thanks, that website clearly has an axe to grind and has collected any news story inflated or otherwise and collected them on one site alongside asking others to contribute their negative story.

It does show that there are a lot of negative stories out there. No good pretending they don’t exist.

P3onyPenny · 19/08/2018 08:48

assisted conception