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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

IVF and alchohol?

91 replies

Holymosquito · 18/08/2018 23:36

An old school friend has confided in me that she and her partner are TTC. Both of them are late 30s and they have been trying for almost a year. Investigations have revealed that he has a low sperm count. They are now about to start IVF.

However they both IMO drink heavily. She claims to have cut back to only 3 pints or glasses of wine a night. He drinks far more - I don’t know him well but on the occasions we have met he has drunk upwards of 7 pints in an evening. My friend says this is normal for him.

AIBU to think that to start IVF without tackling the drinking is madness? I am also concerned that if they/he cannot reduce this alchohol consumption then they are going to have real issues with a baby?

OP posts:

nokidshere · 19/08/2018 09:39

Given that plenty of pregnancies are conceived when one or both parties are drunk, and survive the first few weeks when people don't know they are pregnant but carry on drinking/smoking, there is plenty of evidence that alcohol doesn't necessarily impact on a successful pregnancy.

IVF didn't work for me, nor did any other procedure sadly. But after spending 15 years in the waiting room of the ACC month after month I learned the following...

Fat people were/weren't successful
Thin people were/weren't successful
Drinkers were/weren't successful
Teetotallers were/weren't successful
Vegetarians were/weren't successful
And so on and so on

It makes sense to try and be as healthy as possible when ttc, naturally or with help. But, back in the real world, all sorts of people with all sorts of lifestyles fall pregnant everyday on their own or with medical help.

OwlinaTree · 19/08/2018 09:40

I'm more concerned that the op thinks that the couple are going to be bad parents because they drink heavily.

Me and DH used to be out drinking and partying every weekend pre children. We didn't drink at home tbf. As soon as I got pregnant I stopped, and now we have children we very rarely go out drinking. Surely that's the case for most couples? I really don't think it's likely that the mother is going to drink heavily throughout pg and when she has a small baby unless you actually think she's an alcoholic?

P3onyPenny · 19/08/2018 09:40

Clinics don't,they're very realistic. Ours offered counselling for that very reason.

Infertile couples have been round the block of infertility enough to know the reality even before it's spelled out by their consultant. The idea that we're all dewy eyed clasping a Daily Wail story to our chest is frankly a tad insulting.

one2three4five · 19/08/2018 09:40

I don't think that anyone enters into IVF without knowing that it may not work. It's the shitty reality of infertility. Let's face it, if you've got to that point, you've likely had countless obstacles and setbacks in your infertility journey. However, for me personally, I need to focus on the success stories. I am having an IVF embryo transfer tomorrow, it has taken so much to get to this point, emotionally and financially, and I need to believe it can/will work. In the back of my mind I am well aware that the odds are stacked against me, and that this will likely end in heartache, but I get a lot of comfort from hearing the success stories.

I am reluctant to use the terms IVF and lucky in the same sentence, because no one who has to embark on this process is lucky. However, I have to believe I'll be one of the lucky ones who it will work for, because what is the point in thinking the opposite?

Anyone who has been or is going through this process has my total admiration and best wishes, it is horrible.

SerenDippitty · 19/08/2018 09:41

Surely Serendipity you were told of the chances re it working and the risks.

Yes we were but I don’t think they were being honest.

We had three full cycles and 5 FET attempts. The frozen embryos were all from the second cycle. The other two yielded three eggs and one embryo, three weeks of injections. . The first FET our charts apparently fell down behind a filing cabinet. This meant only one embryo could be thawed due to the stage it was at and it didn’t survive the process. Second time, different clinic, a polyp was found in my uterus at down regulation stage so everything had to be stopped and I had to get that removed before having any more treatment. We had it done privately. The third time, the down regulation failed, I grew a follicle and shed the lining before the transfer could take place. Fourth time, embryo was transferred but no pregnancy. Then the third and last cycle, again very very poor response, three eggs, one fertilised and transferred but no pregnancy. I was told I had ovarian failure, aged 39, that they couldn’t increase the dosage any further and there was no point going on. So that is my story.

SerenDippitty · 19/08/2018 09:42

Sorry 4 not 5 FET attempts.

findingmywaytoday · 19/08/2018 09:52

"I concieved naturally with an unplanned pregnancy at the height of my drinking and partying lifestyle"

It's pretty obvious why 30 hours doesn't know why people bother - clearly lucky to not have fertility issues! For some people ivf is the only chance they'll have of having a child and for some people like me it's worth a shot.

nokidshere · 19/08/2018 09:58

IVF is a shitty journey to be on but for some it's the only chance they have to try and conceive. I could never quite decide if the hundreds of baby photographs displayed on the walls of the clinic, with messages of thanks from the parents, gave me more hope or made me feel more of a failure.

Regardless, IVF can and does work. I don't know anyone though who entered into it without being told all the facts about potential medical problems or the failure rate.

cleaningtwenty · 19/08/2018 09:58

SerenDippitty We too had failures with the paperwork (mixed us up with another couple) which caused stress as you can imagine and delays.

Famous London hospital teamed with Harley St clinic sent us someone else’s drug protocol. Not only did I have enough information (name, address etc) to easily find this woman on Facebook, I started her treatment which was entirely different from mine, despite me questioning that I had never been prescribed the drugs on the chart before. Our names are similar, our birthdates were muddled on paperwork (right date wrong month wrong year for mine, she had my birthdate on hers).

Complete cockup, wasted money on drugs and one cycle and probable illegal activity in as far as giving out personal information.

Advice for I gets? Goveith the people you trust, not the big names. We changed clinic and it worked first time. The lack of stress alone made the difference I think.

cleaningtwenty · 19/08/2018 10:00

To be clear, I queried and queried the mix up just to be told it was only the name in the paperwork that had been transposed and this was my treatment cycle regime. It wasn’t.

cleaningtwenty · 19/08/2018 10:03

Also, the most important thing I learned in the process was that it’s the LAB not the clinic that needs to be great. So many “they didn’t thaw properly” times are down to storage conditions etc.

cleaningtwenty · 19/08/2018 10:08

Assuming the clinic isn’t so bad that it cocks up your paperwork of course.

SerenDippitty · 19/08/2018 10:14

@cleaningtwenty sorry to hear that you too had admin/paperwork problems. We just have to totally trust these people with our dreams and it’s so hard when they mess up. Glad it worked for you in the end though.

TheGlitterFairy · 19/08/2018 10:17

IVF and alcohol is the question that everyone seems to want to talk about. We’ve had 2 ivf cycles. First one we had a transfer but no pregnancy; 2nd we went for a frozen cycle due to endo issues/ different protocol. Had 3 embryos which were fine after thawing but then none of them grow after that - awful awful day. Re alcohol, we gave up when the cycle started and for the duration and cut down massively before we were embarking on it. But, in between, have been enjoying wine / going out as we would normally do. We’ve been ttc for over 6 years now - 5 naturally and the last year with the 2 ivf cycles. Infertility and the journey with that is so very hard that sometimes you just don’t want to think about it any more and just have a nice night out!! For me while I’m embarking on a cycle though, then l do all I can to ensure we can make it work. I’m fully aware of all of the statistics surrounding it. Like others have said, if we didn’t think there was the possibility of a positive outcome, then we wouldn’t be doing it. We’ve been told this will be our last chance with my eggs - they’re a bit crap and I’ve a low reserve. If it doesn’t work then we’ll have to look at a donor or other alternatives- adoption, or just getting on with our lives in a different manner.
I don’t think the OP should be demonising the drink! Probably your friends are fully aware of the potential impact.
Good luck to all who are going through the ivf journey - I hope it works out for you!

cleaningtwenty · 19/08/2018 10:21

SerenDippitty thank you

Talkingfrog · 19/08/2018 10:28

One2three4five - best wishes for tomorrow. Serendipity and cleaningtwenty - sorry to hear what happened. We changed clinics for our sibling attempt as the first clinic didn't take private patients. There had lots of changes in the nhs provision and some of the staff (including an embyologist) had moved to the clinic we chose, which was a deciding factor. Having trust in them is important.

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