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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to worry baby will be ugly like me?

79 replies

namechangedembarassedmum · 18/08/2018 19:51

MN regular but NC for this. I of course want a healthy baby above all else, so I apologise if this seems crass, but I'm really quite distressed about it. When I look in the mirror I feel distraught at the thought that the baby might come out looking like hideous me. I'm not particularly attractive and loads of people would likely describe me as ugly, and I've been struggling with body image even more during pregnancy. I've somehow been lucky to have a loving and attractive DH and I hope the baby looks like him. (This is something that's always been troubling for me, people always remark how handsome DH is when they see photos, and I can tell they're surprised someone so good looking would be with someone like me Blush)

I know I will love my baby no matter what (and again, want the baby to be healthy and happy above all else) but I just feel bloody awful that it might go through its life as the ugly one and have to be skipped over in favour of other boys/girls, or just the disappointment and frustration of looking in the mirror every day. I've accepted that I'll never win any prizes for my looks but it's taken me a long time and I feel sad for a baby to have to go through that as well. Anyone else felt this way? I'm rather embarrassed and can't dream of bringing it up during a midwife visit.

OP posts:
Theunmumsymummy · 18/08/2018 19:57

OP, think of it this way: The vast, vast majority of people wouldn't describe themselves as beautiful and yet virtually all of them find someone to love them and it will be someone insightful enough not to focus purely on looks. Besides, when the baby comes you will probably think it's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, anyway. Don't beat yourself up about this, you have people who love you for who YOU are.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/08/2018 19:58

You will think your baby is the most beautiful baby in the world and he/she will be Smile

Don't be so hard on yourself OP, I bet you have some lovey features? Eyes? hair? Smile?

PepperSteaks · 18/08/2018 19:59

I’m as ugly as sin and lots of people have said how beautiful DD is. And she is.

hottotrotsky · 18/08/2018 20:01

Ah sweets bet you're gorge. Where it counts for sure.

Snoopychildminder · 18/08/2018 20:02

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

BendingSpoons · 18/08/2018 20:02

YANBU to not want your child to have a tough time like you did, and sadly looks matter hugely in society. However self image and confidence go along with looks. Whatever your child looks like, (and chances are they will be 'normal' and definitely they will be cute as a baby!) you can help them with confidence etc. It is normal to worry for our children, so you are being a mum already there! Is this something you could speak to your DH about?

Bambamber · 18/08/2018 20:03

Everyone has something beautiful about them.

It's nothing to be embarrassed about, pregnancy is tough by mentally and physically. It may be worthwhile mentioning it to your midwife, they may be able to provide additional support for you

BlueSuffragette · 18/08/2018 20:03

Have u always had low self esteem? Maybe it's the pregnancy that is making it seem worse. You should talk to husband and midwife about your feelings. You baby will be absolutely beautiful and adored. Enjoy this special time and try to get help to remove the stress and negative thoughts about yourself. Your husband is attracted to you, thinks you are beautiful and your baby will be adorable. Feel good about yourself enjoy the very special times ahead as a mum.

MirriVan · 18/08/2018 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fang2468 · 18/08/2018 20:07

I really don’t think there’s any ugly babies so please don’t worry. Most have a mix of traits from both any way, rather than look like one or the other.

SnailMailFan · 18/08/2018 20:08

Please don’t think of yourself that way.

I do completely understand what you’re saying. There is nothing AT ALL about the way I look that I like, or that I can imagine anyone else would like either, although I’ve been married for over 20 years. Anyway to reassure you, I have two daughters, one is lovely looking, small, dark, pretty and quiet. The other has often been described as stunning. She’s tall, very athletic, blonde and confident. Neither of them look a thing like me, and thank god for that. It’s very very peculiar (and interesting) seeing how differently the world treats you when you look like that, but I have noticed the blonde confident daughter doesn’t always treat people very nicely. It’s as though she doesn’t have to make so much effort.

Your baby is going to be beautiful. Make sure it always knows that.

BakerBear · 18/08/2018 20:09

I hate my teeth. They are perfectly straight but the two front ones are quite large and if someone is going to insult me then they will mention my teeth!

Its taken me along time to accept my teeth but im still not 100% comfortable with them.

I have 2 children and i do worry about them inherting my teeth. At the moment they both have baby teeth but i do worry that when they have their adult teeth they will be large and they will have life long self conscious issues but there is nothing i can do about that.

Everyone has flaws but i think its how we bring them up to deal with their imperfections that they dont like that counts.

crosser62 · 18/08/2018 20:12

I don't think that I have ever EVER heard a mother comment on how ugly their baby is.

Just you wait until you clap eyes on your beautiful perfect amazing little baby. From that moment you will not be able to take your eyes of he or she, you will be amazed and proud of yourself for making such a gorgeous little person.

I still gaze at my children and can't quite believe that I made them, utter perfection in my eyes.

HildaOgdensFlyingDucks · 18/08/2018 20:24

I felt exactly the same, OP. Please don't beat yourself up about it. As soon as they were born, I was blown away by how beautiful my DC was, and that beauty and admiration continue to build every day.

Peace425 · 18/08/2018 20:26

You're probably not as bad looking as you think you are - most people think their looks are worse than they are in reality.

Also, I have lost track of the amount of times I have seen unattractive parents (both of them!) with the most gorgeous looking babies/children you could imagine, and I think HOW?!! The genes do funny things....just sayin...

LokiBear · 18/08/2018 20:27

When I had my dd, I had similar self esteem concerns. When she was very first born, I was upset because she was swollen from being born and I worried people would think she had a big nose and assume it came from me. In reality, it was a combination of my own insecurities and my hormones going in to overdrive. As she grew, I realised lots of my self esteem problems stemmed from how I thought I ought to look and I just judged myself too fricking harshly. Im never going to be Angelina Jolie, but im smart, kind, funny, loyal and I realised I deserve to feel pretty. I promised myself that I wouldnt let dd fall in to the trap of thinking she wasnt good enough because she doesnt look like a model. I started faking self esteem, I made an effort with hair and make up when I felt down to give myself a little confidence. I bought myself a couple of nice outfits. I made a concious effort never to complain about my looks infront of dd. She is now 7 and has bags of confidence. She picked out a top the other day that was covered in sequins and I pulled a face when shevshowed it too me. She looked at me and said 'mummy, you might not like this top, but it is SO me, because I am fancy and this top is fancy.' I realised what would have put me off the top was that wearing it might draw attention to me - I couldnt cope with that. I would have thought myself unworthy of the top. My dd, however, has high self esteem. And, of course, I think she is beautiful because im her mum. And I bought the top. Your chuld will not be ugly because you are not ugly, you just havent realised how awesome you are yet. Counciling might help (I found turning 30 helped - lessened my ability to give a shit). Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy. Flowers

Whatsthisbear · 18/08/2018 20:29

most pregnant woman worries that their baby will be ugly but when your little one arrives you will be stunned by how gorgeous they are. All babies are beautiful.

MarshaBradyo · 18/08/2018 20:29

You’ll think your baby is beautiful do not worry

Plus you think your partner is good looking so this will be part of how you feel

It will be fine, lovely even, like it is for pretty much everyone

Whatsthisbear · 18/08/2018 20:29

Women!

happinessischocolate · 18/08/2018 20:31

I found having a dd is really good for me, I naturally think she's gorgeous and because she looks like me it's helped me realise that I'm better looking than I thought I was 😁

Also when I look at my dds teenage friends, they're actually all gorgeous in their own ways, every single one of them.

GorgonLondon · 18/08/2018 20:32

I hate the way I look but my kids are stunning. I had the sense to breed with someone better looking than me Grin

kayakingmum · 18/08/2018 20:35

You're little one will no doubt pick up traits from both of you and a few throw-backs you don't expect to see.
Try not to worry about. She is very unlikely to look just like you (but I'm sure she'll be fine even if she does).

Refilona · 18/08/2018 20:36

I doubt that your handsome dh would marry a really ugly woman as usually people in couples are of similar level of attractiveness so I think this all about your self esteem. Your baby will be beautiful, don’t worry about it. Enjoy the pregnancy 💐

herecomesthsun · 18/08/2018 20:38

ok so

  • your husband presumably found you pretty damn attractive
  • this sounds a lot like what they call "negative cognitions", did you get put down a lot either by family members or bullies as a child? CBT can help with that

-personally I think it is very easy to find babies beautiful. Part of falling in love with someone is seeing how they are beautiful and that is sort of what you do with babies. They are designed to be super cute and perfect.

  • I am constantly amazed at how I ended up having such very beautiful children. I think they are far far better looking than I am.
  • I had high risk pregnancies and was cueing myself up to accept that we might end up with a disabled baby. I can't believe my luck that they are so healthy, intelligent and gorgeous.

This might sound like stealth boasting or something, except that I am very struck by how lovely their friends are too, there is something very appealing about little children (they do of course all have their moments)

Yogafailure · 18/08/2018 20:38

I bet you're fine OP but be reassured I'm no great shakes and my dc are all gorgeous Grin

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