To take a job much lower than my 'worth'?

[onetimeposter]

Advice please.
Single parent. Disability. Recently divorced and fuck all confidence.
I have recently taken unpaid leave for a year and been on ESA. It's been ok, I could stay like that reasonably but actually I hate the isolation.
I'm an academic, highly skilled, well paid, until the last year.
As part of last year I have volunteered somewhere where there is a post as a peer support worker. The pay is four bands lower than where I am and it's part time. I really would enjoy it.
The positives are that I'd love it, the hours are good for managing my newly single parent state, it's manageable and the employer is excellent and has a good pension and annual leave policy. It would give me loads of room to work my way up.
The negatives are that it isn't 'wow', that it is 'below' my educational level-I'm bright, and this would help with the role but the role doesn't reflect that if you see what I mean? I would lose my future of promotion to senior and professor. I will become detatched from current research and practice (already have tbh).
The thought of going back to my academic post makes me feel disinterested, then sick with anxiety. The new role is to do with people I've met whilst ill so I feel a bit self conscious applying but I'd be good at it.
The positives I'm seeing are as starting again, it would build my confidence, give me a reason to get up and dressed, be manageable for my condition and I could do another Masters in a topic I love part time (already know what) which is linked to the role.
Am I selling myself short? All of a sudden I feel my value as a woman has halved-I'm old, a mother and no longer attractive. I haven't only lost confidence but am reconsidering life and the thought of returning to a field with white middle class men looking down at me fills me with dread.
Can I please ask advice from those who've done similar? It means literally starting again and I'm 40. I just want to be a part of something and make a difference. In 2-3 years I could move up a few grades due to my qualifications, but that would be when I'm ready, and give me a salary and pension increase also.
Have just bought my own house post divorce and the payments are manageable with the new role. I can also, more or less, cope childcare wise as opposed to begging people to help week by week or paying huge fees.
AIBU? Thanks in advance.

Do a job you like...

Who are you looking to "wow"?

It sounds If the same job that you did before was offered to you, you wouldn't enjoy it yet this one will give you a much better work/life balance, as well as giving you job satisfaction and helping people.

I think who you are and the difference that you make are worth so much more that the size of your salary.

So take the job that reflects your worth - the one where you earn less, enjoy it more, it suits your lifestyle, and have the potential to make people's lives better.

You're a long time dead, op

IMO, go for it. Mental health is so important and that won't come from a job that you dislike. If you can afford it, I would say apply. I suffered a major operation last year and am registered disabled (not due to the operation) and have taken a big step down in my career and moved jobs as well. The weight lifted is amazing. I don't really care what others think. They're not living in my head. I am

You are worth being happy. You are worth a job you love which doesn't make you anxious and ill. I think you know what you want to do and you shouldn't let what you think you 'ought' to do put you off.

However, I would just stop and think about your previous job when you were doing it. Did you love that too? Are there things about it you miss? Is it just a question of getting over a mental hurdle to get back into a life you loved?

The negatives you've outlined read to me like a list of the boxes you think you should be ticking but the reality is you don't want to go back to what you were doing before and that's fine. Things change, people change!

The new role interests and motivates you and would work for you financially. Who does it need to be a "wow" job for and anyway, who gets to decide that? Looking at all the positives you've listed I think it sounds pretty "wow" for you .

Well, it's basically a question of status vs good work/life balance, better health and day to day enjoyment. I know what I'd rather have (definitely not status).

I know what I want it's just on here women are told time and time again to stay working, to future proof themselves. Thing is after what we've all been through the last few years what was once a great opportunity now seems too much and to be quite frank unappealing. I hate the precociousness of it all but don't want to feel inferior either. A lot of my friends are academics so I will really be out of the loop, that being said of all of them there are only 2 that have been there the last year and only one of those regularly asks how I am. He thinks it's a good opportunity and that I must do something.
I just don't want to let myself down. I left uni aged 20 due to depression and didn't return for a while, then did something different. That worked out well but I always wish I'd MADE myself keep going (Oxbridge), even though I couldn't at the time.

I just want to be happy in my home with my kids, have time to make friends and maybe meet a partner in the long term. I want to study at my leisure and watch EastEnders at night, not work into it. I will have time to get my hair done, and so on.
I've applied anyway, am crossing my fingers, I think I've a good chance but I do believe what is meant to be will happen, within reason.
Thanks all

Reading through your post I get the impression that you feel that this job would suit you down to the ground, but you have a little nag telling you that you are selling yourself short.
The only way you’d be selling yourself short is if you deny yourself an opportunity to build your confidence, be happy, enjoy your life with your kids and watch Eastenders!
You sound strong and resourceful, go with your inner you

Take the job.

It's better for your health
Who cares about the wealth?

It's better for childcare
And that's huge, let's be fair

It's better for your happiness
Being happy isn't just sappiness

It's better for your here and now
And your PhD can be your wow

Make a choice for you
If it's the one thing you do

Choice life and love
Not obligation and drudge

I'd say go for it. I was an early career academic and am now in a student support role (in my case not by choice, no jobs). I don't think I know an academic who is happy with their work life balance. I know a number of people who've moved out of academia and are happier for it.

You don't mention your field, but in my case and that of friends (Humanities), being not employed as an academic hasn't stopped academic involvement. I've published 3 articles in my current job, for instance - but I'm now doing it for me, not to fulfill some REF requirement or pad out a CV.

have you actually been offered the job though?

Don't resign from your current position unless you actually have a contract - it does sound a bit like you are assuming its yours for the asking, but what if someone better qualified applies?

Hi Claire no I haven't! I've only applied, so will see what happens. To be honest I'm thinking of declining a return to work anyway, and start applying for closer stuff. It is a real-and positive-change for me to be focusing on things other than how I can prove my worth.
I've started to look for similar roles in other organisations as well and may continue the volunteering for a bit.
The deadline to return is making me really reconsider what I want and I know if I were to give notice by an email tonight, I would feel better tomorrow, even if the future was uncertain.
I'm answering my own questions here, I think.
What does strike me however is that if I were male, and divorced, I wouldn't be taking a role such as this but rather continue the role. That being said I wouldn't have needed the year off in the first place, or been so worried about childcare.
Being a woman is such a disadvantage. I am more likely to be poor in my old age because I'm a woman, not because I'm lazier, less intelligent or less worthy. Childcare has cost me thousands not only in paying someone but also lost wages, yet children are 'joint' and both parents take equal praise for their success.
Thanks for this

If you get the new job, take it. Since you have enough to live on even on lower wages, you can always build up from there.

I took a big career hit/paycut to retrain at 40. Started almost from ground zero in my profession. 10 years on I have surpassed my previous earnings and now looking at a new role (that if I get it) that will well exceed it. And I still have another 15 years of working life ahead of me.

You are not past it but you may have a little more of a hill to climb whilst coasting a little in your role. Be kind to yourself. Once your dcs no longer need childcare, you might find you get second wind in your career. You'll get there. The advice to stay in work still holds. You won't find yourself penniless in old age if you keep the engine ticking over.

Thanks blue. That's reassuring to hear.
Coasting sounds about right. It is a role I would slip right into and do with confidence from the outset.
Did you want to retrain or did it happen out of your control, if you don't mind me asking? I am glad things have progressed well for you.
I also have in mind the role I would do next though it wouldn't be for a couple of years.
I am really thinking ahead here. I think I'd be brilliant for the role, but it depends on them. There was something called a guaranteed interview for people with disabilities but I didn't only want an interview because of my condition, I want them to want me despite it.
Do you think I should ring up the woman in charge of applications? I haven't yet, but it may make me memorable when shortlisting? I waffle on the phone so don't want to put her off!
I'm realising typing this how much I want the job. Like really want it.
Fingers crossed.
Thanks

The only people that worship academics are other academics.

Do a job that you are happy in.

Hi. I can relate. I am a qualified teacher; studied at Cambridge, and was pretty much Head of Department at the boys' private school where I used to teach.
I had a career break (admittedly too long ) to have kids and move home etc, and am now working as a Pupil Support Assistant!
In some ways, it is actually more demanding than my old role, due to the issues of the children I'm working with (lovely as they are), and I am on the go for the whole working day (shorter breaks etc than teaching staff). And my wages are pretty much a modern day disgrace .
BUT I can go home at the end of the day and completely switch off, watch TV, read, see a friend, etc. I have no work to take home and nothing to prepare.
Life has changed since my teaching days, and I am now a single parent of 3. That alone can be tough, so the thought of bringing home lesson prep, marking, reports ... well, let's just say it leaves me cold!
Plus I am making a difference, every single day. To the kids I'm working with and their families. And that's pretty priceless too.
There are days when I feel I've sold myself short, I won't lie. And can feel like a bit of a fanny because of it. Mostly I'm happy with my decision though :)
Go for it, if it fits your life and requirements!

Ha huggy that's 100% true, and it's the academics who I fear the judgement from.
Dieu that sounds around the same level of drop. I will be a 'nothing' (not meant to belittle others, but in comparison to the pride I feel at my status which really is status linked only and not to the work I do-ie, I like to be able to say what I am but I don't want to do it.
Sleeping that's a wonderful poem thank you x

I am exactly the same. Like a cleverer version of Hyacinth Bouquet .
The other thing is that because I have no work to take home, I can work full-time.
Still bloody exhausted all the time though!
Good luck with it all, and hope it works out for you.

If there is such a thing as a downside to an Oxbridge education, I think it is that it feels like there is only one way to go from it - down. Obviously it’s a bit like complaining that your diamond shoes are too tight.

When you look at your peers from university, a few will have made it to the kind of pinnacle careers that you thought everyone was heading to, and even those people aren’t necessarily happy in those careers. But plenty of them have fallen into careers that don’t require stellar academic qualifications, but they are happy in and allow them to lead the sort of life they want.

I think you should go for it, you really sound like you want to.

I’m going to argue the contrary position.

You might end up selling yourself short, and regretting it later. Of course it is important to be happy at work, but what are your specific issues with going back to your current role, and do they stand up objectively?

You say that you don’t like being looked down on by white middle class men. Nobody enjoys being looked down on, but do you think that if you got your confidence in your intellect and ability back, you would be less concerned?

Why do you think you would be uninterested in your job if you returned to it?

Is moving towards a professorship still important to you? Not because you feel that you ought to excel compared to your peers, but for its own sake?

You are damn right when you say that if you were a divorced man, you would not be considering this choice. I get that your circumstances are tough, but all the more reason to provide for your own financial future.

Don’t trade down without thinking about it carefully. I know that I would regret it if I did. Good luck.

Flexibility and work life balance is worth quite a lot.
Maybe consider ways you could keep the door back in to your previous career (or something related) a little bit open? I took 4 years out from my high pressured career then suddenly felt the thirst for it again, thankfully I had done just enough related work (study and volunteering) to find a way back in. But I don’t regret the time out, I needed it for my mental health

I took a job several grades below my pre children job about 18 months ago. I felt exactly the same as you - going back to my high paid high stress job after second child made me feel sick with anxiety.
Whilst I do sometimes feel like I could contribute ad be remunerated a lot more work wise, this current arrangement keeps me in the work force, let’s me choose my hours and work in my industry and I can do more in the future if i want. As a wise woman once said, Work is a marathon, not a sprint.

Go for the job that you’ll enjoy and gives you the best work life balance. That’s all that matters and that is what you are worth.

I think you would be better in the new career. Its not worth any 'less', you said you can work your way up etc, its just different. What you want out of life or a job can change. I wanted something more meaningful than my old job so now I've retrained as a Counsellor. I'm finally having the work life I want. If un perceptive people value your old role as somehow 'better', they are often title snobs who don't get that's not what it's about.