To take a job much lower than my 'worth'?

[onetimeposter]

Advice please.
Single parent. Disability. Recently divorced and fuck all confidence.
I have recently taken unpaid leave for a year and been on ESA. It's been ok, I could stay like that reasonably but actually I hate the isolation.
I'm an academic, highly skilled, well paid, until the last year.
As part of last year I have volunteered somewhere where there is a post as a peer support worker. The pay is four bands lower than where I am and it's part time. I really would enjoy it.
The positives are that I'd love it, the hours are good for managing my newly single parent state, it's manageable and the employer is excellent and has a good pension and annual leave policy. It would give me loads of room to work my way up.
The negatives are that it isn't 'wow', that it is 'below' my educational level-I'm bright, and this would help with the role but the role doesn't reflect that if you see what I mean? I would lose my future of promotion to senior and professor. I will become detatched from current research and practice (already have tbh).
The thought of going back to my academic post makes me feel disinterested, then sick with anxiety. The new role is to do with people I've met whilst ill so I feel a bit self conscious applying but I'd be good at it.
The positives I'm seeing are as starting again, it would build my confidence, give me a reason to get up and dressed, be manageable for my condition and I could do another Masters in a topic I love part time (already know what) which is linked to the role.
Am I selling myself short? All of a sudden I feel my value as a woman has halved-I'm old, a mother and no longer attractive. I haven't only lost confidence but am reconsidering life and the thought of returning to a field with white middle class men looking down at me fills me with dread.
Can I please ask advice from those who've done similar? It means literally starting again and I'm 40. I just want to be a part of something and make a difference. In 2-3 years I could move up a few grades due to my qualifications, but that would be when I'm ready, and give me a salary and pension increase also.
Have just bought my own house post divorce and the payments are manageable with the new role. I can also, more or less, cope childcare wise as opposed to begging people to help week by week or paying huge fees.
AIBU? Thanks in advance.

I had a very highly paid job pre children, then I took time out to raise them when they were little and started retraining.

The new role was flexible and part time and I've learnt an awful lot doing it. (Previously bored) I'm good at what i do!

The children are now teens and I've just taken a higher paid role with more hours but still part time and I couldn't be happier with the balance.

Take the job and be happy.

Have you thought about doing the academic job 1-2 days per week? How would that work out financially? Working part time might give you a better work life balance without throwing in the towel on the previous career.
On the other hand just taking a break from a stressful job might be just the thing you need.
Try writing a pros and cons list. It always helps me make massive descisions. Also please don't burn your bridges with the previous job.
Best of luck with your dilemma.

I’ve got a PhD, and I hadn’t even finished it before I worked out I didn’t want to be an academic! It’s not an environment i could envisage myself flourishing in. At its worse, it’s cliquey, snobbish, hopelessly out of date, family-unfriendly and dominated by white middle-aged men who tend to be backed up by a wife covering all the home stuff, leaving them free to go to conferences and do all the necessary schmoozing that’s needed to progress.

I’ve since had a series of non-academic jobs which I have really enjoyed, had time for my children, can support my DH in his stressful career.

Sometimes I think I haven’t “lived up to my potential “ but frankly there are enough hungry, ambitious, wannabe academics out there to fill every uni post a thousand times over. It’s not a race I want to run, and the prize is not enough to tempt me.

Good luck with the application!

I would take the job you like.

Can I sort of argue for some sort of compromise position here?

I’ve kind of been on both sides- top uni ( pushy parents) and also doing fairly low level jobs with the “watching eastenders” crew.

There’s issues with both. I completely agree with your perceptions about snobbishness etc.

OTOH. I may get Flamed here, but if you’re quite bright a year of working with “i work to live me I went to the university of life” types along with the lack of autonomy and social status may kill you.

Along with the general “small mindedness” of people who’ve basically lived on the same street all their lives, who have a great deal of inverse snobbery and can be just as bitchy and bullying and power hungry as those in “cut throat industries” .

And you don’t even get a decent paycheque or the Oxbridge bragging rights

How about tutoring at another institution with a different ethos/staying in education but in some other capacity etc?

Some places are dominated by pompous dull white men - others have a more diverse ethos and make- up.

Take your time. Don’t make any decisions to burn your bridges just yet.

OP, academia can be utterly toxic. I managed to 'hold on' as a single parent, but it didn't mean I saved my career, I just trod water and I'm getting more ground down each year because if you are not as research active as your institution thinks you should be, you end in a teacing-wonk cycle that they won't let you out of. (I should say, I love the teaching aspect, but my workload is career suicide compared to male couterparts, and I will NEVER make Prof, because I don't have a wife).

Go with what will work for you and your family now, and you will be in a better place to get back with experience than struggling and being looked down on as not committed .

What’s your field? Could you keep a hand in?
I’ve a friend who does research fellow level work for two major universities and also very low paid youth work. She has a great perspective as both a researcher and practitioner.

I had time out because of depression, and can date my recovery form the day the head of department phoned me and said he couldn't keep my post open any longer - huge weight rolled off me. That said, I knew that they'd find me another job at the same level when I finally returned (and they did). So in your position I suspect I'd go for the role I wanted despite the lower pay and status, but I probably wouldn't give up on the current role until I'd found an alternative, but I'd approach it knowing it was a stop-gap, and try not to invest emotionally in it.

Don't turn your nose up at the guaranteed interview scheme. It's a guarantee of an interview, not of a job. If another candidate is better than you at interview, they will get the job, not you. the only thing that would enter my mind is whether I think I'd be less likely to get the job under the GIS - whether I could trust the interviewers to view me on your merits rather than mentally write me off as less capable because of my disability (eg "depression/anxiety- she's not going to cope with the stresses of this job").

It sounds like you feel you somehow have to prove yourself in the eyes of others

But why

You are old enough to please yourself, so just do that

I am 47 and had taken 10yrs out of work, then returned to something less impressive, less money, but It's flexible and I like the work.

Some of my peers are very successful by now (professors, partners in law firms) but I never ever feel my old friends look down on me.

At my age, when you've seen people getting sick or die , divorce, mental health problems etc. I think everyone has realised what's important in life

And it's not job status

I used to feel I had to prove myself to my family, but they're all gone now so there's no need. Then there was a need to prove to myself that I was capable. I have.
I just don't want to return. I work in a different city, and went there yesterday for non work reasons. I used to love working there, now I look at it as a nice place, but not for me.
As for taking time out I have had a year out. I took the job during my divorce, with hindsight as a lifeline to stop me losing 'everything' and for my self esteem, but since starting I had nothing but problems, never fit in, had fall outs with other academics (male-I'm a staunch feminist hence my concerns re the wife work and childcare). I never took to the role and prior to that had a high paid research job in my field which I loved but was made redundant.
I turned town the guaranteed interview scheme because despite the fact I have a condition, the role means helping other people through theirs. Yes I will share my experiences but I want the job because I'm the best candidate, not because they owe me a favour. To do the job means being well enough to do it.
I really hope I get an interview. I think my statement was good but there was an area to put additional qualifications which I left blank. But with hindsight I've done loads of small scale courses (due to my job they seemed irrelevant at the time but they would probably help), would it be worth emailing them or should I just wait to see if I have an interview or not? The closing date isn't for two weeks so I need to forget about it really don't I?
I really don't know whether to go back to work, or carry on on ESA until I find something more manageable, which will be preferable as I have my eldest starting secondary and he has special needs, and give notice on the job now. I don't want to go back, but is it better to have no gaps on the CV? I just know that with it being start of the academic year they have a chance of appointing someone else for term starting if I leave now, I may be seen as worse for leaving a few weeks in.
Argh.

If you can afford it, go for it. I did similar.

You've already proved it to yourself. Now make life easier/better for yourself.

And I think my stressed out, full time contemporaries are mainly envious of my decision not the lack of money though It certainly hasn't affected my friendships.

Do what you need to do. I am not doing what I'd flourish at because I cannot break in to that field without qualifications. I do what I do and I get on with it and I like it but I look around my team and we're all bi-lingual, artistic, creative, motivated, good with people, all of us doing a practical type of job. Some farmers and artists and people with other considerations on the go! We have some freedom to do that though. An awful lot of people aren't earning what they're worth. But tbh, it's lack of confidence in yourself that devalues you more than any other one thing I think, and I am aware of that in my own life/job.

I could probably earn more but I value the security, the flex time, the holidays, the option to maybe go 80% in the future. This is worth more to me than simply a bigger salary which could disappear after a random merger or restructure leaving me unemployed as I near 50.

You have to do what's right for your ACTUAL life. Don't try to please anybody else who thinks you ought to be ambitious, ought to be scaling a greasy pole.

I have only just, at 40, realised what good relationships are. I want to experience 'normal'. I went to visit a good friend at Easter whilst on unpaid leave and renting. I came home thinking 'I want a nice job and to buy a house'. I have bought the house, now I want the job.
I've even found a manageable post grad cert in the subject just to keep ticking the old brain along. Although perhaps that's jumping the gun.
Assuming there are others better suited to apply, I need to check out the competition. Off to open a thread attracting peer supporters....

@peanutbuttercups21, I'm your age and took 10 years out as well, back four. I think that people this age recognise if each person has created a life that suits their personality, strengths, weaknesses and desires.

I've a friend who has her own company and she sold her last company and her husband was a sahm dad until he got a pt job that pays ''peanuts' (more than i earn though!) and we still get on very well. She knows that her life suits her and she knows that my life suits me. Neither of us would want to swim upstream to try to be somebody we're not.

You will get there OP, but the luckiest people are those who want what they have.

You never know what life will bring or when, so if the role would make you smile in the morning and you can pay your bills, go for it.

My own mother died early 40s. I have been trying to prepare for this, ie making sure they will inherit a house, life insurance etc. Part of this has been thinking if I had a year left to live what would I do, and what would I regret. I would not regret leaving the job and it is the first thing I would stop if time was limited. The new one not so.
I want to enjoy life not survive it. Delayed gratification is great but after years of putting off enjoyment 'for the future', then for that to be totally smashed (divorce), I just kind of think fuck it.

Yes I will share my experiences but I want the job because I'm the best candidate, not because they owe me a favour. No-one will give you a job as a favour just because you used the GIS. And suggesting that someone who uses the scheme and gets a job got it because of their disability and not because they were the best candidate on the day contributes to prejudice against people with disabilities in the same way as making comments that someone only got their job because "they wanted a token woman".

There's a lot of reasons not to want to use it, but wanting a job on your own merits isn't one of them.

This is true Mere but getting the interview alone without the GIS means they think you are a strong candidate, ie you have a chance. Being given an interview anyway, even if you have not real chance, is imo a waste of time and effort. Interviews take a lot of preparation and I only want to do that if they think the application is strong.
I do think some people are appointed because of the need to appear 'diverse and inclusive'. I don't want to be employed for that reason.
Could I ask who generally decides if you get an interview? Is it the manager whose number you are told to call to express an interest? Or HR or both?
Would they know you were a GIS?

As in you only need to satisfy the very basic levels of acceptability for the GIS-should I have asked for this then? As I took it to be a negative thing.

What jumped out at me in your opening post was you saying you are old and unattractive. You are 40! That is NOT old. If you can change your mindset you'll be so much more likely to be happy. My marriage ended at 40 so I do understand, but you need to look at this as a chance to build the life that suits you. Good luck with this job.

Fernando I have found a massive difference in how I've been treated from the age of 34 to now. I have been turned down for things I would have walked once. I have had papers criticised in a way where they would have been given favourable feedback before.
I am invisible, scruffy, look totally exhausted and now overweight where I was always a size 8. I think being thin would transform me tbh, am thinking of slimming world.
However much of that is also due to having NO confidence at all. My husband had affairs which left me feeling totally discarded. In the past I have heard women academics talk about this kind of thing and it is utterly true that how you are seen by male professors is as nothing. I remember being a 'young filly' who was called pretty and clever. I feel like neither now.
Even the GP said the reason I was so achy and finding it too hard to lose weight was my age

Very few people have just one career now. At 40 you probably have more working years ahead of you than behind. Go with your instincts on this, you know you can progress and grow within this new role and if you don’t happen to get this job use the experience and find other opportunities.

Good luck.

Oh, and consider changing your GP, too! That’s a stupid remark.

I would urge you to get fitter and lose some weight but only because you have said you want to. Joining SW or similar is a great starting point.