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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have my children (8&5) do 30-40 mins of writing and maths every day of the holidays?

315 replies

Dilemmacentral · 18/08/2018 18:11

Every morning, after breakfast, I ask that the children do 20 mins writing in a holiday journal and then younger does 15 mins of basic maths (reception - year 1 maths), and older one does 20 mins of mental maths, mainly tables? Every day, even when we went on holiday.

It doesn’t feel like a big deal. They don’t complain. They are so used to it (I do it every holiday) and in fact both seem to really enjoy the journal writing in particular.

But! A dear friend, in a genuinely unjudgemental manner, asked whether I felt guilty and said she thought that holiday were good for a complete break other than set school work. We do have set school work but very little (book reviews for eldest).

I don’t feel guilty at all and I told her as such, and we just moved on to another topic. I plan to continue doing. However I’m wondering about others thoughts out of nosiness and whether others do this too.

I feel the heat hols are so long. And it’s only max of 40 mins so that they hit ground running in September. Am I alone though?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dilemmacentral · 19/08/2018 07:51

Out of interest what will you do the day one of them refuses?

We will agree a different time then. So I’d say, “ok not now. Shall we say after lunch? And then we will head straight out on the bikes / watch a film etc”

OP posts:
Mosschopz · 19/08/2018 07:51

We do similar; some maths, reading or writing before gaming, but I have to admit it wanes.

Sirzy · 19/08/2018 07:52

And if they say “no I want a day off” ?

Original poster
Dilemmacentral · 19/08/2018 07:53

I know it sounds a bit... I don’t know the word

But there will be many parents that relate.

If my child “refuses” is not really something I have to contend with. If I want them to do something eg stop watching TV and tidy their rooms. They do it. If they whinge, they don’t go back to the film later. For example. I’ve set boundaries and been consistent from the word go. We will negotiate to some extent, absolutely. But often - what Mummy says, goes. And it works.

OP posts:
bsbabas · 19/08/2018 07:55

What happens when they don't overachieve massively?

Grumpos · 19/08/2018 07:55

I think this sounds awesome.
My partners two children (6&8) don’t appear to do any type of academic work outside of school (not even basic reading or fun story writing etc.)
We try to encourage them and partner does practical things such as count the penny jar with them and uses the clock to teach time etc but they get easily bored and frustrated because they are not used to it and our time is limited to just the weekend, so of course they just want to chill and relax and we end up feeling guilty for trying to force them.

They are fab kids, polite and confident and generally well behaved but all they do at home with their mum is dance and Gymnastics- not structured or classes just messing around in the garden etc.
Again, they are fab kids but their end of school reports had their academic skills at the bottom end for everything. Yes they are young but they are bright and I already feel very sorry for how much they are being held back by the lack of structure in terms of doing a bit of academic work at home. They have absolutely no self discipline or motivation to do anything which has the hint of “school” about it - even when you dress it up as fun.
I think you sounds awesome!

DartmoorDoughnut · 19/08/2018 07:56

I think they should be allowed a proper break aka when on actual holiday with you but it’s fine when you’re at home sort of thing

loveisland · 19/08/2018 07:57

I was a child that had to sit for an hour every morning through summer and do school work whilst my mum served B and B breakfast in our house. It gave me confidence in September each year and I excelled in all my subjects, Sats were a breeze. My brother done work every night as he just couldn't get his head round maths, it kept him up with the rest of class and he passed no problem. Yanbu
School can only do so much, I have the ultimate respect for my mum and how she brought us up !

Original poster
Dilemmacentral · 19/08/2018 07:57

And if they say “no I want a day off” ?

They are 5 and 8. No concept of a day! They live hour to hour (wonderful way to live!). So to agree later on is absolutely fine.

This will adjust as grow older but even at 12/13, I would be saying “ok, let’s come back to it in 6 hours, but we agree done before bed”

OP posts:
Sirzy · 19/08/2018 07:59

So your suggestion it’s their choice is false then as you won’t give them a choice if they decide they don’t want to!

I am amazed an 8 year old doesn’t have a concept of a day tbh!

KERALA1 · 19/08/2018 08:00

Dd 9 and finds words very easy but had to work at maths. Her teacher gave us some exercises. She has had 3 weeks of nothing but now doing one exercise of 15 mins a day for rest of hols. We do it over a hot chocolate. She does moan abit but if we don't do it things will be more hard for her when term starts.

bakingdemon · 19/08/2018 08:02

I think this is an awesome idea to give the kids a bit of structure over the long holiday and one I shall steal.

Original poster
Dilemmacentral · 19/08/2018 08:02

When did I say that it’s their choice?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dilemmacentral · 19/08/2018 08:04

12 hours in the life ofan 8 year old child is generally full of so much more than you and I as adults!

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 19/08/2018 08:05

Both mine are addicted to reading and write for fun so we never do anything related to words with them except renew their library books/buy books.

PinkAvocado · 19/08/2018 08:06

YABU if it is everyday and sat down learning. You also need to teach and model having days off and learning in other ways.

NoSleepzzzz · 19/08/2018 08:15

There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you're doing, OP. If they enjoy it then I can't see the harm. Maybe this is the teacher in me though 😆

My dc is about to start Y1 and worked really hard throughout Reception year to improve her reading. She went from a complete non-reader to the highest level reader in the class. I was not going to let her slip back over the summer holidays after all her hard work, so we have continued reading over the holidays. We have also started a project (on a topic of her choice) and we work together to find facts and she will write what she's found in her own words/spelling etc. We've also done a lot of art and days out related to this project. Some days she wants to do this project, but sometimes she doesn't and that's fine. Reading has to be done everyday- non-negotiable. I don't feel bad that she has to do work over the holidays and she doesn't complain at all.

Ellapaella · 19/08/2018 08:18

I think the journal writing is a great idea. My 7 year old does the same - but to be honest it was his idea and choice but we obviously encourage it. Not every day in the holidays but he has done most days.
All children that can should be reading and writing as much as possible imo.
In regards to maths - I don't think it's a bad idea if your kids are happy doing it. It's not something we do but we do get them to do sums and times tables with us every now and then throughout the holidays. The school set a few challenges for them to do over the summer but it's not to the extent of 40 Mins a day.
I wouldn't be forcing a rigid regime if they protested but if they're happy then great.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 19/08/2018 08:19

I think, OP., you need to know what exactly you are trying to achieve. Are you really concerned about them becoming deskilled/de-educated over the holidays, or is it because you think it will give them a head start over the others? Why do you want them to have that head start? Are you doing it with a specific long-term goal in mind (SATs, getting them into a particular school, whatever)?

MessyBun247 · 19/08/2018 08:28

“ok, let’s come back to it in 6 hours, but we agree done before bed”

Good luck getting a teenager to ‘agree’ to that.

Ilovewillow · 19/08/2018 08:29

I think it's such a long holiday and they do regress especially during the younger years. We do the same although we don't manage everyday! Although my eldest reads everyday usually for half the day!! We probably do at least 4 days a week!

BitchQueen90 · 19/08/2018 08:30

My DS is 5 and the only thing we've done over the holidays is reading and the project school have assigned. I still think that 5 is too young to be at school and I'm not fussed about pushing him yet. I don't think children should start school until 6/7.

But in general I'm not one of those parents that is constantly comparing how their children are doing academically. I'm not bothered about DS being top of the class. As long as he's achieving what he should do and is happy.

Lethaldrizzle · 19/08/2018 08:32

School holidays are meant to be just that. Sounds like too much effort on both sides. However both my kids are prolific readers and do well at school so it's not high on my list of priorities.

KERALA1 · 19/08/2018 08:33

I think every day of the holiday is to much. I would think at least 2 weeks with no structured stuff at all or counterproductive. They need a break at some point

hellokittymania · 19/08/2018 08:37

I loved to do homework in the summer. My cousins are used to do it and I would love to join them. I didn't have to, I wasn't forced to do anything, but I really like to. I was also a bookworm so I read a lot. I am visually impaired and my special needs teacher used to tell all of her students who didn't want to learn to read braille that she had a little student took her Brailer to bed and used to read in the dark. That was me. I am still hungry to learn and I'm in my mid-30s now, Plus, if I don't practice my reading and my mouth, I forget it. My writing I mean. I have some learning difficulties and fun writing and math extremely difficult.

Anyway, as long as they enjoy it, I don't see a problem. And there is plenty of time during the summer to do other things as well.

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