I've just shouted at my son for hiding and jumping out at me

[mydogmymate]

My ds (11) has taken to hiding then jumping out on me. He sits on the stairs and I know he's there but he doesn't answer me. Then, when I least expect it, he jumps out at me or suddenly appears at the door.

I know he's only 11, but the first time he did it I explained that I don't like it and he seemed to get it. Now today, he's done it about 5 times and my nerves are in shreds. Each time he insists he's only joking, but it's just not funny. He did it again about 10 minutes ago and I shouted at him, now he's in his room sulking and said I'm no fun.

Have I overreacted?

My ds went though this phase at a similar age too

He couldn't seem to grasp him finding it hilarious wasn't funny. The fact, like you, it left me feeling shaken every time was beyond his reach of empathy.

Removal of phone or tech or tv should be a good deterrent.

Him crying in his room though possibly shows some immaturity? It's a very odd thing to get upset about - Mum shouting because you scared her. Is there any other signs of social development being poor?

I ask because my ds does have Asd/CP/LD and his lack of grasping it was a direct result of this.
Still told him off and punished him though

We all sneak up and scare each other, it’s great fun because none of us are fucking pansies.

You do appear to have had an empathy bypass though.

This thread is bonkers. I get told off for swearing () and accused of having no empathy (au contraire) but kneeing a child in the face is just A-okay!

Hahahahahahahaha

So being frightened to the point of yelling through fear makes you a fucking pansy?

Fantastic. In that case I was doing alright being a normal human being until an assault left me like a fucking Pansy. I'll just get over it then eh?

I jump if I come out of the bathroom and ds is waiting there to talk to me - because I'm not expecting it.

He may have no intention of scary the fuck out of me - but knowing he does should be enough for him to stop.
And if he chooses not to I'll use consequence until he grasps the concept of being a basic human being.

I love MN. I learn something new every week.

I have learned I bully and assault my DH and older kids fairly frequently and they do it back.

One big ol’ happy abusive family we are

🤣 this thread is bizarre!

My husband does this to me all the time 🙄 he's also of age that he could be criminally prosecuted although I suspect I'd have to wait a while for the police to stop laughing at me!

Having said that, I am not minimising you OP. What’s ok in one household isn’t ok in another and YANBU for shouting at him. If you dont like it you don’t like it.

exactly what I was thinking?!

@youarenotkiddingme

That’s entirely different and you know it. OP has mentioned no history of assault that would make her nervous. She’s shouted at an 11yo child for acting like an 11yo child, not because she has suffered previous trauma that would cause her to react like this.

Some posters are saying this little boy is abusive and could be prosecuted for assault because he jumps out at his Mum. Typical MN, making mountains out of molehills.

Sorry my response was to 'manycrisps'. I don't know if people are being sarcy or serious in some of these responses. Sure its bloody annoying and he needs telling and a consequence for repeated ignoring of you asking him not to do it but assault? Bullying? That's harsh on an 11 year old. I wouldn't be labelling him with words like that.

What a completely idiotic thread. He's an 11 year old child. Knee him in the head? Not funny, or smart. A bully and abusive for jumping out on his mum? Nonsense. Talk abput a disproportionate response!

It's batshit, isn't it.

I would seriously just do what some other posters have suggested and just light heartedly get him back when he's least expecting it. That way you're teaching him a lesson that it's not so fun for the person on the receiving end without the dramatics of a full blown discussion over it. He's likely to get the picture. I remember doing things to tease my mum when we were small. Some of it was attention seeking I suppose and the other part was just being typical kids. I'd definitely find it really bloody annoying and probably shout by the 5th time of it too but I'm seriously at some of these cold clinical responses further up.

Wait until he is sound asleep then jump on his bed whilst screaming.

That is all

Captain I haven't said OP or her ds are about assault.

I was responding to the poster who said people that can't handle this are fucking pansies.

And I stand by opinion if people enjoy this then fine - it's an activity of sabres humour between loved ones. If someone says they don't like - then I agree with above posters it's bullying. The behaviour continues with the knowledge it will cause upset.

Is the 11yo bullying his mum? I doubt it. But that doesn't take away from the fact he needs to learn his wants do not trump others feelings or needs.

Bye I'm also aghast at the knee him in the head or punch him responses. (If it helps?!)

It's only funny if everybody is laughing.

There's a difference between bullying behaviour and being a bully.
In this instance he has continured with behaviour that his Mum has clearly told him she doesn't like and makes her uncomfortable when she has continually asked him not to. He has made a conscious choice to do soemthing to her that he knows upsets her. Repeatedly.
That is bullying behaviour.
Just as repeatedly tickling children who have asked you not to is bullying.

These are both behaviours that some people enjoy and think are fun, but other people really dislike.

So those of you who have decided to be delibertely obtuse and say 'I do it to my family and they do it bakc so we're bullies then ?' must surely understand that if something is consentual and everyone is enjoying it, it is fine. But if one person hates it, it is not fine.

And for those saying anyone who doesn;t nejoy this is a 'pansy'. Peopel have recounted hoe they have been injured by this behavious (I was one of them) not wanting an injury doesn;t make you a pansy.
In the case of my XH - he was always pulling this sort of stunt, he had no concept of consent or personal space. Because he wasn't taught to have thme as a child - he had no idea of boundaries and of stopping when you are asked to do so. this manifested itsefl in many ways. Jumping out was just one of them. I could list a whole load of things he thought were OK, that upset other people.

No one is saying that OP's child is awful or a terible child or whatever - he's a normal boy. But in this instance he has not cottoned on to the idea of if someone is not enjoying something, then it is not fun, and you need to respect thier boundaries. He's been asked and he has carried on.

So now is the time for OP to get this important message across that no is no. her anoyance will help him reflect on why she is cross and to learn some empathy so he doesn;t grow up into someone who disregards other people's feelings. I'm sure he won;t because OP is clearly on to the problem and showing him the right way to go.

Suggestions of hurting him (utterly crazy) or doing it back to him (very mixed message and counter productive) aren't really helpful.

FWIW I think it unlikely that there is a correlation between inappropriate pranking in childhood and rape, which some ppl have suggested. Adults who assault others are usually seeking power and control, not acting out childish whims that weren’t appropriately punished ten years ago. Sheesh.

But OP yanbu to shout if you don’t like it and you’ve asked him to stop.

Personally, I love a good jump-out prank. Anybody remember the Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town (Two Ronnies)? My DS and I were always leaping out in a dressing gown with the loudest raspberry we could summon throughout the 1980s.

it isn't an opinion , it is a fact, this is a criminal assault. Sorry if you like doing this sort of thing, maybe it is news to you that you could be arrested and charged? grow up. its not acceptable, it is very nasty, and it is illegal to treat people like that for a reason

@clairetree you are wrong and TBH if you're really a teacher I would be quite worried.

A child jumping out on an adult is something the child finds funny and the adult generally doesn't. My 11YO does it sometimes and if he carried on doing it after I'd asked him not to he would be told off. But the reactions on here about kneeing him in the face etc are quite shocking.

It is not assault. It is a child playing in a way an adult doesn't like and then not doing as they are told afterwards. Get a grip everyone.

Well said @KurriKurri.

So many posters here are missing the point.

It's not the jumping out and scaring in itself that's the problem here.

It's the fact that he keeps on doing it, repeatedly, after the OP has said no, and made it clear that she doesn't like it.

That's what people are saying is unacceptable, needs to be nipped in the bud, and has parallels to "when she says no, she doesn't really mean no".

Children do need to learn no means no and respect their parents boundaries. But the alleged 'abuse' and 'bullying' and the absurd suggestion of him being of criminally accountable age for such actions. He's an adolescent for goodness sake.