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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if your kids have their own rooms?

146 replies

Theunmumsymummy · 16/08/2018 22:59

I mentioned to a friend the other day that me and my sister (3 years older) had shared a room growing up and that my brother (7 years younger) had slept in an alcove area of my parent's room as there were only two bedrooms. After my sister left home he shared with me. My friend was shocked about him being in my parent's room (which I understand is unusual) but said she thought it was unusual that me and my sister shared a room when we were teengers and that she didn't think that really happened anymore. She's bu, isn't she?

OP posts:

idonthaveatattoo · 17/08/2018 17:44

But we are not all over the world, we are in the U.K. in 2018

I don’t give my children one bowl of rice a day, we don’t say children can legally consent to sex at 12, we don’t have children leave school at 9to work in a sweat shop.

What others do is not the point.

speakout · 17/08/2018 17:52

But we are not all over the world, we are in the U.K. in 2018

That is my point. You may look over the fence in your pleasant neighbourhood and think that all is good here and now in the UK.

It isn't though.

Many people have woefully inadequate housing, cramped conditions, no real choice.

That is in the UK today.

You are suggesting that one child for parents in the UK is enough if they can't afford a bigger home?

NoSleepTil2030 · 17/08/2018 19:42

idonthaveatattoo so it's better for a child never to be born than to share a room? I'm glad my parents didn't share that view!

hammeringinmyhead · 17/08/2018 20:41

I don't think it's unreasonable to say you personally wouldn't intentionally have children you don't have space for. Our last house was a 2 bed with one being a tiny 5ft wide box room so I wouldn't have deliberately planned 2 children in the 5 years we lived there. 2 beds/a bunkbed, or a bed and a cot, wouldn't have fitted, and the cot wouldn't have fitted in our room either. We now live in a 4 bed (again one tiny, a study really) and are about to have our probably only baby but the rooms are small so I'd give up the guest room if we had another.

Growing up the max number in my friends' families was 3 but usually the shared bedroom was bigger than the parents' room. Most lived in 3 bed houses though and had a boy and had a boy and a girl with a room each.

idonthaveatattoo · 17/08/2018 20:53

That’s not quite what I’m getting at sleep, on that logic we’d have ten kids per family!

But, we have a three bed house. That’s one of the reasons I wouldn’t entertain the idea of a third.

When I shared with my sister, it was pretty shit to be honest as there was nowhere to just go and chill the fuck out!

SusanChurchouse · 17/08/2018 20:59

My 2 share even though we live in a 4 bed house. They like it, seem to sleep better and it makes bedtime easier. They’ll need to separate at some point as they are different sexes but it works for us now.

ConcernedHedgehog · 17/08/2018 21:13

I have 6 children in a 3 bed home.
Teen ds and 9y old ds share one room (smallest)
My 3 dd's share one room (largest)
I have the middle bedroom and share with my youngest DD.
2 bunk beds in the large room works fine. The ds's also have a bunk bed.
They all get along fine, I am concerned about what'll happen when the girls are teens though.
Some people like to act as if this is child cruelty, but at the end of the day I can't send any of my kids back even though my circumstances have changed drastically.

minisoksmakehardwork · 17/08/2018 21:20

We didn't plan on still being in a 2 bed house when dts came along. So from the age of 2-9, dd1 has to share first with her baby brother and then they both had to share with their baby twin sibs. Now we are in a 3 bed we have a girls room and a boys room. I can't see that changing into a room each any time soon. Luckily the biggest gap is 4 years between the girls. Just 2 between the boys. So I'm hoping they are good about sharing.

Pinkprincess1978 · 17/08/2018 21:20

My brothers shared a room and I had a friend who lived in the same style council house except two of the rooms weren't separated like ours so their parents just placed two wardrobe next to each other (facing different ways).

My kids have their own room now but that's a recent (ish) development. Our old house was a two bed house and our neighbour said she grew up in that house as one of 6 kids!

sendthecoffee · 17/08/2018 21:22

I had my own room because I was the only girl, but my brothers shared until I moved out - they were 22 and 18!

I've got three boys and will more than likely only ever be able to afford to rent a three bed so until one of them moves out, they have no choice to share.

Fluffytheevil1 · 17/08/2018 21:32

My two ds have always had their own rooms because when ds2 was born ds1 was being screened for autism. He would often lash out at ds2 and it was not safe. We even had a drs letter saying he would not advise they share. So we moved to a three bed house. They are older now and thankfully ds1 has settled down, ds2 will often take his mattress into ds1’s room and bunk down. I’m glad they have their own space, but saying that, I know families of 8 and 9 who happily live in small three bedroom houses.

OftenHangry · 17/08/2018 21:37

Shared with brother until 18 (he is younger), when we moved. Tbh majority of people I know grew up in shared bedrooms.
Didn't harm us😁 where I grew up you were pretty much on your own as social housin was and still is basically non existent and if it is available it's a studio flat for family of 4. Though large number of people owed houses, either self built or through inheritance. Lots of the houses had 2 "flats" usually 1 or 2 bed. And I am not talking about "poor" people.

OftenHangry · 17/08/2018 21:38

*Houses are usually owned by the oldest generation, not the younger ones with kids.

Bunnyattack · 18/08/2018 12:48

We have 3 dc and 4 bedrooms.
But two youngest dc share a room out of choice.
However it's completely normal round where I live for kids for share and for kids to still be in parents room also

onewayoflife · 18/08/2018 14:03

Our bedrooms (apart from the master) are too small for more than one child. Restricted head height means you couldn't put bunk beds in so kids couldn't possibly share.

I don't think there's anything wrong with sharing at all but I don't know anyone at all who's kids share and growing up none of my friends did either. Maybe she is in this situation and is one of those people who thinks if it doesn't happen to people they know, it doesn't happen at all (which is a bit u)

SweetheartNeckline · 18/08/2018 15:07

It depends what bedrooms are being used for too. We have 2 good sized reception rooms plus a kitchen diner, we also have a large garage conversion / "office". I hope that, because we can spread out downstairs, the two youngest will be able to share for a good few years yet. They're the same sex and only 2 years apart so fingers crossed!

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 18/08/2018 15:10

Yep, all three of them. And the last one left home ten years ago

tor8181 · 18/08/2018 21:23

ive got a nearly 14 and a just 8 y old both boys

both have their own rooms as both have multiple disabilities each and needs a adult with them so even though we got a 3 bed room im in with youngest dad with oldest

Echobelly · 18/08/2018 21:29

DD and DS finally got own rooms last year, aged 9 and 6, after moving house and doing building work. They were both still ok sharing but I think another year and DD would have got unhappy.

Sharing in your teens/until you leave home isn't unusual if you're a family that just doesn't have the money for more rooms, tho.

Emilizz34 · 18/08/2018 22:15

I had my own room growing up as my 3 brothers shared a room . When my sister was born , we moved to a 5 bed house .
I have 2 dds . Both have en suite bedrooms with walk in wardrobes as we designed and built our most recent home ourselves

Bonkerz · 18/08/2018 22:21

My 18 year old son shares with my 7 year old son and my 17 year old daughter shares with my 12 year old daughter. I'd love them to have their own rooms but we can only afford a 3 bed house!
Growing up I always had my own room but my mum had a 5 bed council house!

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