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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if your kids have their own rooms?

146 replies

Theunmumsymummy · 16/08/2018 22:59

I mentioned to a friend the other day that me and my sister (3 years older) had shared a room growing up and that my brother (7 years younger) had slept in an alcove area of my parent's room as there were only two bedrooms. After my sister left home he shared with me. My friend was shocked about him being in my parent's room (which I understand is unusual) but said she thought it was unusual that me and my sister shared a room when we were teengers and that she didn't think that really happened anymore. She's bu, isn't she?

OP posts:

speakout · 17/08/2018 06:36

I think sharing rooms when mixed sexes are young or same sex with older children is very common.

However the OP mentions sharing a bedroom with her brother when they were older- teens.

I don't think that is common at all.

I grew up in the 60s in a very poor council estate, I knew of plenty families who had kids that shared rooms- it was a necessity.

I don;t know of any families what had kids of opposite sexes sharing bedrooms as teenagers though.

When space prevented that parents would usually sleep in the living room, or even in the kitchen so brother and sister teenagers did not have to share,

IVEgotthePOWER · 17/08/2018 06:41

Mine shared until last year when we moved

Before moving we had ds1&2 (8 and 9) in together, and dd & ds3 (4 and under 1) in together.

Now they all have their own rooms. Dd wants someone to share with but everyone else is happy

GinIsIn · 17/08/2018 06:45

I hated sharing with my brother with an absolute passion - HATED it. There will be no room sharing here! I would rather go for a less nice house or a less nice area but more space than make anyone share.

MusicalMouse · 17/08/2018 06:48

Two of my kids choose to share. They’ve really enjoyed it. Shared wardrobe, shared stories at bedtime, they are better sleepers (one was a night owl and the other was scared of the dark). Im glad we allowed them to share!

pacempercutiens · 17/08/2018 06:51

I shared with my sister (18 months between us) until I was 18. I hated it then and I'm not keen on her now.

I hope to never make my DC share.

Also, sharing with a brother 7 years younger? That's odd! My parents would never have let me and my 6 years younger brother share

speakout · 17/08/2018 06:51

I am more shocked at the OP sharing a room with her brother when they were teens.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 17/08/2018 06:57

Room sharing is perfectly normal and really, really not a hardship. We've just moved out of our bedroom so our older two (13 and 10) can have a room each - they were sharing a biggish room and it was fine space-wise but they were beginning to need their own space and a planned extension/conversion has been put back a couple of years. Our toddler youngest has a small room of her own.

I've been very clear to my boys that having their own rooms is a luxury and not a necessity, that they are to jolly well appreciate the sacrifice dh and I have made (we're now on sofabed in living room...), and that if having their own rooms doesn't have the desired effect of improving their relationship, they will be put back together.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/08/2018 06:59

Dh didn’t have his own bedroom til he was 9. He slept in the living room. Now I think that’s unusual. Not no bedroom so much but the child not being able to go to bed until the adults did at 9pm.

Oysterbabe · 17/08/2018 07:02

I shared with my sister. My kids have their own rooms.

ifoundthebread · 17/08/2018 07:03

I shared a room with my brother when he was born then I moved in to share with my sister. My sister in law slept with her mother until she was 7 as the box room was only big enough for a single bed and my dh used that.

MyOtherProfile · 17/08/2018 07:05

The reason less children share now is that family size has shrunk on the whole, isn't it? When the average number of children per family was 2.4 and the average family home was a 3 bed there would have been lots of families with 3 children in a 3 bed house so someone would have had to share.
Now the average family size is something like 1.9 so less chance of anyone needing to share.
Having said that, my 2 have their own rooms but often share by choice, and once the sharing lasted for almost a year.

NoSleepTil2030 · 17/08/2018 07:06

We have a 2 bedroom house, my 3 and 6 year old sons share a room. I was talking to the 6 year old about it the other day and he says he likes sharing and loves their bunk bed. We might move somewhere bigger eventually but right now we all appreciate the extra spare money from a cheaper mortgage than we would spending that money on having a bigger house.

MyOtherProfile · 17/08/2018 07:06

Ooh just checked and the average number of children per family is actually down to 1.7 now.

YerAuntFanny · 17/08/2018 07:08

No.

DS (12) shares with DD (5), we're not in a position to buy and as we're in a secure tenancy I wouldn't give it up to private let.

It's not ideal, DS has ASD and struggles with her touching his things but it's not a big deal we just need to get creative! We are waiting for a bigger house though, although given the size of the list here and stock shortages we've been told we'll be lucky to get before he's 16!

I shared with my brother who is 8 years younger than me until I was 16 and moved out (not related to sharing a room I might add!).

You do what you can and make the most of what you have.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 17/08/2018 07:08

We were in a flat when the DC were younger so they shared. When we moved to a house they carried on sharing voluntarily for a couple of years until DS1 was about 13 (DS2 was 9). They then started to drift into having their own room.

Slartybartfast · 17/08/2018 07:08

i am sad for my dd that they share a room, sad because dd1 is at university now and suffering with loneliness and i wonder whether it is due to sharing with her sister.

ShadowWeaver · 17/08/2018 07:13

Dd1 (14) has own room, dd2(10)+3(8) share, but I've kind of given them their own space by halfing the room with a bookcase and decorating each half to their own tastes.

Asuna · 17/08/2018 07:16

I remember sharing with my brother and sister (both younger) until I was 6-7 and my brother was move into the box room. Then I continued to shared with my sister until I was 20 and she was 18-19. We moved from a 3 bed to 4 bed when I was 18, but this was because we moved with my step dad and my step brother got the extra room. I was away at uni from 18 and my sister was the year after, but in the summers we still shared. I got my own room finally when my step brother moved out. Think I was 20, but maybe 21.

It was annoying growing up, but as teens I think it was really good for me and my sister to have someone to talk to. We would complain about sharing, but then spend so much time just sat chatting in our room and I really would have missed that. We’re really close still now, and my brother has said that he’s almost envious of our relationship.

Fooferella · 17/08/2018 07:22

We lived in various rentals growing up bit the worst was our 2 bed apartment (Not uk) which had one huge room and one very small single. When my sister turned 16 my mom decided she needed her own room so she moved into the small bedroom. I had to share a room with my mom from the ages 13 to 15. I hated it. My mom snores and I could never have sleepovers.
However before that I shared with my sister which I hated at the time but in hindsight I think it made us closer.

AlbertaSimmons · 17/08/2018 07:22

When our 2 boys were at home, we lived in a 3 bedroom house. They always shared a bedroom and we used the "spare" bedroom as a playroom/ study / extra sitting room. I believe that it's living space not sleeping space you need when kids are growing up, and that arrangement always worked well for us. It meant that the boys had a room where they could play or study or watch tv and be themselves, while DH and I had a space which was more "ours". Of course, we didn't make the kids spend time separately from us and we often sat together in the main living room, but it was great for them to be able to entertain their friends etc in their own space. Their bedroom was for sleeping only (small room, bunkbeds).

yikesanotherbooboo · 17/08/2018 07:27

My DD and DS1 shared until they were 10 and 8. We had a spare room but they liked the company. Alter wards we had a rejig and they got their own roomswe built an extension when DS2 came along.

youarenot · 17/08/2018 07:28

Oldest 2 had their own and then shared for a while but kept waking the other up at, regardless of whether it was 4am or not...
Made sense to move them in to seperate bedrooms, especially as youngest wasn't using the box room (was too young to be in their on his own in the cot at the time).
The eldest sleeps much better now his brother is in his own room. DC 4yo has been up over an hour, eldest is still asleep at the moment!

Need to think at some point whos going to have the youngest in with them but at the moment he's happy, sleeping well & I'm happy to have him in with me, why rock the boat when we don't need to atm

Jenjenyeahyeah · 17/08/2018 07:31

Surely it’s not even a case of BU or NBU - it’s just a case of how many children you have and how many bedrooms you have in your house. If you’ve got more children than bedrooms then someone’s going to have to share.

chocolatespiders · 17/08/2018 07:32

@CharlotteCollinsneeLucas to be honest I find it quite tough. I shared with dd until she was 15 then I thought it wasn't appropriate so I moved to the lounge.
I have a short small single mattresses that I fold and keep on top of a wardrobe and I have a draw for my clothes.
I would love a bedroom but at the monent I can't.
I work full time and earn an average wage but as a lone parent this property is all we can afford or now!

Sofa bed would be better but then you need room to pull it out and one with a decent mattress.

Juanbablo · 17/08/2018 07:33

Dd has her own room but my boys share. They are 10 and 4 and have no objections yet. We can't afford to move.

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