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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off they chose this child?

34 replies

TrappedByATurtle · 16/08/2018 12:32

For two years bar the last 4 months, DS(8) has had ongoing issues with a particular child at school, being punched, kicked, called names, told he's stupid, encouraging the rest of the class to gang up on him, refuse to let him play at break times etc etc etc.

DD has just started school. Each new child is given a godparent out of the older children in the (mixed) class. AIBU to be really pissed off that, out of all the older children in the class, they picked this boy's sister to be DD's godmother.

I know I probably am. But I need to hear it from someone else. Even if they become friends and this girl is really nice, I can hardly invite her over or try to [hollow laugh] become friendly with the family.

OP posts:
NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 16/08/2018 12:35

I’d not be happy with the whole ‘godparent’ thing, let alone which particular child it was...

I’d probably sag something, I assume the school are aware of your DS’s experience?

AnExcellentUsername · 16/08/2018 12:35

Talk to the school about it?

Trinity66 · 16/08/2018 12:37

I would certainly speak to the school about it, I doubt they did it on purpose though

SoyDora · 16/08/2018 12:37

Would they have made the connection?
I’d speak to them about it and ask them to switch.

SoyDora · 16/08/2018 12:38

Id be more annoyed about them calling it a ‘godparent’!

Original poster
TrappedByATurtle · 16/08/2018 12:38

Why not Not? As far as I can tell it's to keep an eye on them in the first few weeks, make sure they know where the toilets are, that they have someone to play with at break time, that they have the correct books or get changed into the correct gym kit.

Yes they are aware, although to be fair DD's teacher might not be because DS is in the parallel class.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 16/08/2018 12:39

Even if they become friends and this girl is really nice, I can hardly invite her over

Why not? It’s not like she’s going to bring her brother with her and you cannot punish her for the actions of her brother.

funinthesun18 · 16/08/2018 12:40

I wouldn’t be happy with that either. The sister may well be a nice girl but it you’d think the school would have been a bit more tactful and picked one of the other children in the class. It kind of feels like you’re having your nose rubbed in it.

SoyDora · 16/08/2018 12:40

Of course your DD may become good friends with this girl regardless of the ‘godparent’ thing.

twiglet · 16/08/2018 12:41

I would understand if they had picked said child but his sister is a different person!
I am the polar opposite of my brother he was a bully I was quiet etc why not give the child a chance?
Obviously keep a close eye on it but you can't brandish children with the same brush.

NoTeaNoShadeNoPinkLemonade · 16/08/2018 12:42

It could be a good thing ..maybe she can keep her brother in check

WilburIsSomePig · 16/08/2018 12:44

'Godparent'? I would object to that moniker tbh, they have 'buddies' in DS's school to do the same thing.

As for the real issue, I agree with you and I would speak to the school about it.

NailsNeedDoing · 16/08/2018 12:44

The teacher may well not know there's an issue, but they will have put a lot of thought into it if they're going to use a system like this and will have had other things to consider too. It probably won't mount to much anyway if it's just slightly older children helping little ones aren't lost or alone, but either way, the sisters shouldn't be affected by what happens with their brothers.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 16/08/2018 12:49

I agree the 'godparent' thing is weird. We have buddies here too.

You won't need to be involved with the family at all. I didn't even speak to my children's buddies really.

It would be a shame to make this girl feel like she has done something wrong due to her brothers actions. I think you should let it go tbh.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 16/08/2018 12:49

I wouldn't necessarily expect your DD's teacher to be aware of difficulties your DS has been having

Even if they become friends and this girl is really nice, I can hardly invite her over or try to [hollow laugh] become friendly with the family Surely the purpose of this buddy scheme is for an older child to support your younger child in school? I wouldn't expect it to lead to playdates between DD and her buddy anyway

Original poster
TrappedByATurtle · 16/08/2018 12:52

Even if she were to come over though, when her mum would come to collect her she would most likely have son with her. And I could hardly not invite her in. Anyway, it's probably immaterial. The last conversation I had with the mum was something along the lines of "I am absolutely sick of it, I have told my son that if yours ever comes near him again he is to hit him as hard as he can...." That was after I had to collect DS in tears and unable to stand upright because he had been kicked in the stomach. To be fair, it really seemed that she had no clue about what was going on. But still...

I do know I'm being unreasonable. I know it's not the girl's fault she has a brother. And maybe she is really nice. It's as funinthesun18 says, it's the lack of thought on the school's part that pisses me off. And I know I can't do anything about it because they're all assigned now so they can't really change things around without it being obvious.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 16/08/2018 12:55

Then may be it has to be obvious...

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 16/08/2018 12:56

If not be happy because of the ‘godparent’ titling. As other posters have said... buddies is fine, they did similar when my kids were little, but calling it a god parent is weird imo.

Original poster
TrappedByATurtle · 16/08/2018 13:01

there's a lot about this school that is weird

OP posts:
Loonoon · 16/08/2018 13:04

We had ‘reading partners’ at DDs school that fulfilled this role. It was a great scheme and they often developed very close bonds. My DD is 26 and still in touch with hers. However the relationships were limited to school. The age gap means they don’t become friends in the conventional sense. To the little ones the reading partners seemed more like grown-ups than friends - the title ‘ god parent’ indicates this.

It is part of the growing up process, starting school and developing
relationships and connections that are separate and different to the connections your family have made. I would step back for now, see how things develop and then intervene if necessary.

As PPs have said, this girl is not her brother. My brother was a mouthy, violenct, disruptive boy (and is now a horrible man), luckily I was older than him and had a reputation for being a ‘good girl’ before he started school. I would have hated to have been judged by his behaviour.

CoraMulberry · 16/08/2018 13:05

Are you in the UK?

1busybee · 16/08/2018 13:08

Just because your son has a problem with one boy it doesn’t mean his sister is the same.....she may be completely opposite. I don’t know many families where the kids have the same characters. Mine certainly don’t. It seems unfair to tar the child - presuming young child, with the same brush as her brother. I would hold my tongue and see how it pans out.

Ariela · 16/08/2018 13:08

Might work to her advantage if said older sister knows what younger brother is like but can control him.

JessicaJonesJacket · 16/08/2018 13:12

I'd have a chat with the school. I wouldn't assume they didn't know.They might have deliberately picked this DC as a way of trying to forge bonds between your two families. In which case, you need to make it clear that you're not willing for that to happen.

Original poster
TrappedByATurtle · 16/08/2018 13:14

Yes, I suppose I should feel sorry for this girl, having an older brother like him! And I do. I'm pissed off with the school, not with the girl if that makes sense.

The "godmother" is Yr2a, my DD is Yr1a in the same mixed Yr1/2 class.
The brother is now Yr 3 and my DS is now Yr2b, but last year they were in the parallel mixed class (Yr2b and DS Yr1b).

OP posts: