To be annoyed I’m having to fight so hard to have an elective caesarean?

[OutPinked]

Basically, after three 10lb babies, my uterus has understandably lost its tone. I am 28 weeks with my fourth and final baby but measuring 32 weeks. I’ve been referred for a growth scan which will be utterly pointless as they always are. They’ll confirm he’s a big baby then do nothing with that information because there’s not really much they can do. Passed GTT with flying colours and I’m not obese, it’s just genetics.

First delivery was shoulder dystocia with emergency forceps and an extended episiotomy. Stitches burst open and became infected, I was in agony for weeks. Second delivery was retained placenta and huge PPH, again I was rushed down to theatre then later given two blood transfusions. It still took me weeks to recover and feel human again. Third delivery went ok but I needed an injection to stem the bleed.

Last year I had medical management for a missed miscarriage. Had a massive haemmorhage, went into shock, fell unconscious and needed emergency surgery+ a blood transfusion. Again, it took me weeks to feel human and I was on iron tablets for months.

DP can’t face the trauma of seeing me nearly die again and I can’t face the trauma of doctors piling in from all angles, jumping on top of me and being rushed down to theatre either. We’ve both decided an elective caesarean is safest. There’s no risk to future pregnancies because there won’t be any. If I do start to haemorrhage again, at least I’m already in theatre surrounded by medics who will immediately be on top of it.
It just seems far more calm and controlled and to me, is an absolute no brainer.

However, I have now seen two consultants who have tried their upmost to deter me. I’ve had almost pointless risk factors thrown in my face (pointless because there’s more chance of dying in a car accident but that won’t stop me driving). I’ve been told that I may bleed more after a CS and when I’ve explained the fact its still safer than risking that blood loss after a ‘natural’ delivery they shoot me down by saying they will still be on hand if it happens after a natural delivery. They don’t seem to grasp that I don’t want them to have to rush in from all angles, I want them to just be there from the off. They also try to deter me by mentioning recovery time forgetting how long it took me to recover after my first and second deliveries as well as the MMC last year.

After yesterday’s consultant appointment, I now have to see an ‘expert midwife’ to ‘discuss birth options’ . Seems ridiculously patronising because my mind is evidently made up but it’s just another hoop to jump through... then I will have to see the consultant again if it’s still what I want (it will be). Argh! To me, it’s just another example of women not being trusted to make the right decision for their own body and I’m tired of it. It’s irritating they reserve so much energy to warn women of risk factors during a caesarean but never ever warn them of what can go wrong during a ‘natural delivery’ too.

londoner you are just speculating about her situation and honestly just come across like you want her to suffer.

Regarding funding of the NHS, if this really is your concern, which I doubt - the onus should not be on individual women to put themselves through dangerous and traumatic situations to potentially save a few bob (especially as vaginal births often end up costing more due to complications over the course of a woman’s life).

It is the government’s responsibility to adequately fund the NHS so that women are not put under this pressure. The decision not to do this is an ideological one.

I don’t know or care what your politics are, but it seems to me you are laying an awful lot of blame at the door of this one woman who quite reasonably wants to avoid a totally avoidable trauma, when that blame belongs elsewhere.

I'm really shocked that they are making you jump through so many hoops that's terrible. In brum I had no problem requesting a c section for my second birth after an emergency one first time. A friend has had no issue requesting a c section after she had forceps with her first. So it shouldn't be this way it's not fair that in some areas women's voices are heard and in others not!

Ps I see c section has the hard route, not the easy at out.

But OP clearly sees it as the easy (or rather easier) route, and as this post is about her situation, your opinion on what’s easier is irrelevant.

@sloth her history is self explanatory. I’m not speculating at all, please read OP. Third baby midwives were prepared for and the birth was fine. I honestly think she’ll put her body under more stress by having a c section. She has a history of haemorrhaging, so the answer would be to cut her open?
Why the hell would you opt for a c section when the last birth went well? You’re ignoring OP facts.

@Londonerlove I think you'll find your recent link is firstly, a guardian article not the NICE costings as referred to by many of us. Secondly the costing quoted appears to just be the basic cost of the birth-no complications or on costs included. As you yourself have said births are complex things and often end up being more than just the birth cost. The figures I quoted came from the cg132 cost analysis, including on costs of both sections and v births. The cost difference was £84.

NICE are experts too. They recommend that maternal request c sections be allowed, and consider them to be cost effective.

OP’s problem is fear. Why should the NHS unnecessarily operate due to a persons fear

Because her fears are entirely rational. They are based on her previous experience of traumatic and complicated births and it is not unreasonable to expect a similar outcome this time. She's not just afraid it'll hurt, she's come close to death giving birth vaginally before and is therefore completely understandably fearful of the same, or worse, happening again.

It's like you're deliberately missing the point.

Facts- OP’s births were less traumatic each time round

-hospital was prepared for third baby due to history and gave her an injection to stem the bleed. This worked and delivery went well.

-OP has stated it more fear holding her back.

• TWO consultants have advised against.

If londoner is really a woman, this is one of worst cases of internalised misogyny I’ve seen of late

@minister I’m not going to repeat myself. Her previous births are the reason why I disagree with that choice. Baby number 3 had a perfectly fine delivery due to the hospital being prepared.

@sloth your ignoring the facts. Baby number 3 was a non problematic birth.

@sloth my experiences are almost identical to OP. Probably why I have so much to say. Although I needed a different injection for baby number 3. Haemorrhaged with first but not second.

Facts- OP’s births were less traumatic each time round

Not for her mental health.

FACT: the two consultants are not her and can't seem to understand the impact on her mental health. And there are other consultants out there.

FACT: thankfully, due to good advice on here, the OP is on the way to getting the birth choice that works best for her.

RESULT! OP can't wait to read your update that you got your CS.

It’s... just objectively not true that births always get progressively better? Plenty of women have suffered their worst complications with their second, third or fourth baby. What are you even talking about?

If the NHS based it’s ops on fear and depression then I am owed a gastric band, hair removal, breast enlargement and a tummy tuck.

my experiences are almost identical to OP. Probably why I have so much to say. Although I needed a different injection for baby number 3. Haemorrhaged with first but not second.

If true, this just makes you even more pitiful. Awful, awful person.

And you're not an obstetrician.

@leftright bullshit. If that was the case she would have opted for a c section after baby number 1.
So baby 1 & 2 were problematic but no request for a c section. Baby number 3 went perfectly well but affected her MH. Don’t think so.

If the NHS based it’s ops on fear and depression then I am owed a gastric band, hair removal, breast enlargement and a tummy tuck.

Then see your GP and go for them. You're not an OB and you don't get to decide for the OP or anyone else how they give birth. Thankfully, NICE and the NHS recognises maternal choice when it comes to giving birth, so the OP, no matter how many hoops she has to jump through, can get a CS. You don't like that, we get it. That's too bad for you. You don't make the rules.

@sloth how much shit can you talk. You have decided to ignore all facts and advice. But I’m the idiot. This is laughable.

@leftright I’ve said many times it’s her choice. But her fears are directly linked to her choice. Her fear is that the doctors won’t be available if there is an emergency. Why do you think this is? There’s no bloody staff!

@leftright bullshit. If that was the case she would have opted for a c section after baby number 1.
So baby 1 & 2 were problematic but no request for a c section. Baby number 3 went perfectly well but affected her MH. Don’t think so.

It doesn't matter what you think at all here, london. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. However much it sticks in your craw, the OP feels her mental health compels her to have a CS. She will get it and will get it on the NHS. No one gives a shit how you feel about it. You're not the decision maker here. And the guidelines are on her side. She will find a way to get her CS, especially thanks to advice on here, on the NHS.

No idea why you care so much, but hey, knock yourself out, it won't make a blind bit of difference, the NHS has to offer CS upon maternal request. Tough tatties for you.

You’re right I’m not an obstetrician and neither are you guys. But guess what? That was the advice given by OP’s.
I’m being called names and skated because I’m trusting the advice of an experienced consultant 😂😂😂😂

So what, london? What's it to you what her fears are? Her CS request isn't going to single-handedly bring down the NHS. You won't talk her out of it. This is right for her. So she cracks on.

You sound unhinged.

I agree misogyny has a part to play in this. I’ve also noticed if you speak up, you’re marked as a difficult patient when I doubt a man asking for the care he wishes would be.

@leftright I said from day one it’s her choice. I just hope a helpless baby won’t suffer because of her choice. A baby who really needs it. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.