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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed I’m having to fight so hard to have an elective caesarean?

414 replies

OutPinked · 16/08/2018 09:59

Basically, after three 10lb babies, my uterus has understandably lost its tone. I am 28 weeks with my fourth and final baby but measuring 32 weeks. I’ve been referred for a growth scan which will be utterly pointless as they always are. They’ll confirm he’s a big baby then do nothing with that information because there’s not really much they can do. Passed GTT with flying colours and I’m not obese, it’s just genetics.

First delivery was shoulder dystocia with emergency forceps and an extended episiotomy. Stitches burst open and became infected, I was in agony for weeks. Second delivery was retained placenta and huge PPH, again I was rushed down to theatre then later given two blood transfusions. It still took me weeks to recover and feel human again. Third delivery went ok but I needed an injection to stem the bleed.

Last year I had medical management for a missed miscarriage. Had a massive haemmorhage, went into shock, fell unconscious and needed emergency surgery+ a blood transfusion. Again, it took me weeks to feel human and I was on iron tablets for months.

DP can’t face the trauma of seeing me nearly die again and I can’t face the trauma of doctors piling in from all angles, jumping on top of me and being rushed down to theatre either. We’ve both decided an elective caesarean is safest. There’s no risk to future pregnancies because there won’t be any. If I do start to haemorrhage again, at least I’m already in theatre surrounded by medics who will immediately be on top of it.
It just seems far more calm and controlled and to me, is an absolute no brainer.

However, I have now seen two consultants who have tried their upmost to deter me. I’ve had almost pointless risk factors thrown in my face (pointless because there’s more chance of dying in a car accident but that won’t stop me driving). I’ve been told that I may bleed more after a CS and when I’ve explained the fact its still safer than risking that blood loss after a ‘natural’ delivery they shoot me down by saying they will still be on hand if it happens after a natural delivery. They don’t seem to grasp that I don’t want them to have to rush in from all angles, I want them to just be there from the off. They also try to deter me by mentioning recovery time forgetting how long it took me to recover after my first and second deliveries as well as the MMC last year.

After yesterday’s consultant appointment, I now have to see an ‘expert midwife’ to ‘discuss birth options’ Hmm. Seems ridiculously patronising because my mind is evidently made up but it’s just another hoop to jump through... then I will have to see the consultant again if it’s still what I want (it will be). Argh! To me, it’s just another example of women not being trusted to make the right decision for their own body and I’m tired of it. It’s irritating they reserve so much energy to warn women of risk factors during a caesarean but never ever warn them of what can go wrong during a ‘natural delivery’ too.

OP posts:
MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 18/08/2018 11:53

If we don’t trust their opinion why should we trust them to perform surgery?

Because she doesn't have a choice!! Why is this so difficult for you to understand? For the majority of women, private health care is simply not an option. So according to your viewpoint, wealthy women can feel free exercise their right to bodily autonomy and have a say in decisions about their care but the rest of us just need to suck it up and do as we're told.

Londonerlove · 18/08/2018 11:55

Shock horror you CHOSE to push a human being out of your body, stretching your cervix to 10cm. Did it really come as a shock? You were fully informed about the risks before you became pregnant.

No giving birth isn’t pleasant. It’s not a breeze in the park and no we are but in control.

You’re still ignoring the decision my numerous midwives (I assume) and two consultants. But of course MN’s are more informed than I consultant with more than 10 years experience.

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 18/08/2018 11:56

Shock horror you CHOSE to push a human being out of your body, stretching your cervix to 10cm. Did it really come as a shock? You were fully informed about the risks before you became pregnant.

No. She chose to have a baby. She hasn’t chosen a vaginal birth.

Londonerlove · 18/08/2018 11:57

@lookslikeimstuck no it’s not enough. If we all had that mentality then every woman will opt for a c section. I’ve never met a woman not scared or slightly concerned about giving birth.

Londonerlove · 18/08/2018 11:58

@blair that is what giving birth is. Do you think the stork drops them off? You can’t have one without the other.

OutPinked · 18/08/2018 11:59

I’m struggling to figure out what your real problem with me having an ELCS is, londoner.

If it’s the cost to the NHS, I also pay into it as does my DP, my parents, my grandparents, my brother etc. The point of the NHS is that most adults pay into it and use it as and when they need. If I’m abusing it having four DC rather than just one or none then let’s also dig into people who need it due to obesity, smoking, alcoholism, drug use etc. Or let’s not judge because there are multiple reasons they have those issues and they probably pay taxes too. Plus the fact many, many posters have clearly stated it won’t cost the NHS any more than vaginal delivery would. Especially since I’m being forced to jump through x amount of hoops to obtain it.

It’s just a bit confusing for me why you have such an issue with whether I choose to have my womb sliced open or choose to push this baby out of my vagina.

OP posts:
Londonerlove · 18/08/2018 11:59

@minister she does have a choice. She made the choice to have a baby.

RedneckStumpy · 18/08/2018 12:01

To me, it’s just another example of women not being trusted to make the right decision for their own body and I’m tired of it

More like the NHS trying to get you to choose the cheapest option.

OutPinked · 18/08/2018 12:02

I’m not ignoring the advice of anyone, I have taken the two consultants advice on board. My MW thinks an ELCS is a sensible option, actually so it shows how different medical professionals have different opinions.

OP posts:
BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 18/08/2018 12:02

that is what giving birth is. Do you think the stork drops them off? You can’t have one without the other.

You can have a cesarean. You do not have to give birth vaginally.

Londonerlove · 18/08/2018 12:03

@outpinked my last linked showed it cost the NHS more. This is the most recent link on here.

If you want it, have it. But I really think people are oblivious to the state of the NHS.
From what YOU have said it sounds as though a vaginsl birth is more than viable. Backed up by your consultants. Whilst your having your elective c section there will be less consultants on the ward for emergencies. The same issue you are complaining about. We all complain about these issues but we are the ones that cause them. I was in that situation with baby number 2 and was so lucky a consultant was randomly passing through on her lunch break.

Londonerlove · 18/08/2018 12:04

@blair because a c section has always been an option?

Londonerlove · 18/08/2018 12:05

I’m 100% not against an elective c section but it doesn’t sound like you need one. No I don’t know the details. No I am not a doctor but your consultants are.

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 18/08/2018 12:06

because a c section has always been an option?

It is an option now. What was an option previously isn’t relevant.

I chose an ELCS, and always would. I have absolutely no wish to give birth vaginally. My vagina, my choice. It’s a bit weird how other women are so concerned what I and others choose to do with ours!

Ghanagirl · 18/08/2018 12:08

Looking at all the issues you have •previously experienced I certainly would not have another pregnancy. You seem keen on risk taking either with a normal or elective c section. Did this never iccur to you. Do hope though that you get what you want and all goes well.
This

OutPinked · 18/08/2018 12:11

Well, the horse has already bolted I’m afraid to say ghana so I now have that much planned for and wanted baby and he will need to escape my uterus at some stage. I’d rather he did it in a way that didn’t almost cost me my life. Because he, and my other three DC, need a mum Smile.

OP posts:
Londonerlove · 18/08/2018 12:11

@blair yes it is. OP is obviously going to get a c section as the NHS wouldn’t refuse. They will advise. She’s come on here to moan about her consultants advice as clearly she is more qualified than a consultant. This thread is purely to moan about NHS services.

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 18/08/2018 12:12

It is annoying how hard it is for some women to get one. I had no problems and others have to really fight. It shouldn’t be that way.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 18/08/2018 12:13

Actually, since she has been having flashbacks and has had counselling, forcing her to relive a trauma could be hugely damaging to her mental well being and just fucking cruel.

Some people go through traumatic births and are ok. There are those people who say ‘you have a healthy baby so it was all worth it’ and there are those who fully understand the mental trauma that affects some of us. That isn’t a choice, it’s a physical reaction that has taken place in the brain and the individual is not in control of this.

The consultants are usually focussed on the logistics and the practical, physical side of birth. Very few know understand the impact of PTSD etc (not just on the mother but also the family) because it is not their field of expertise. They leave that for someone else to clear up without knowing the mess they left behind. Their job is done once the baby is born.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 18/08/2018 12:17

And I don’t think the OP was moaning about NHS services. The money that has been spent trying to argue against what she wants could have just been put towards the cost of the ELCS!

IMHO the OP was just frustrated that she was having to fight so hard given her history.

Ghanagirl · 18/08/2018 12:19

OP
I definitely think you should have ELSCS but still think you made a poor choice to have a 4th baby with your obstetric history I’m sure baby is wanted but I don’t think anyone’s entitled to everything they want.
Sometimes we need to be grateful for what we have.

Sistersofmercy101 · 18/08/2018 12:21

some people are of the opinion that women are making a lifestyle choice by having children - therefore those same people are of the opinion that women should just suffered and shut up...
I personally would like to point out that if no woman made the physical sacrifice of childbearing then the human race would be extinct within a hundred years.
Lifestyle choice my butt.
In not other areas of medicine is not painted relief or mental trauma, physical injuries or longer terms health complications in any way as acceptable as childbirth - but because the old adage of "you have a living baby - so all's well that ends well" is trotted out, women are being guilted and shamed into silence! Angry

Bluelady · 18/08/2018 12:23

If anyone's quibbling about cost, I've made zero demands on the NHS for the last seven years, not even a GP appointment in that time. You can have the money I haven't used, OP.

Londonerlove · 18/08/2018 12:33

@bluelady or you can give your money to couples who can’t conceive. I bet they wish they could control their own bodies. Unfortunately their funding is limited too.

We cannot control everything!

ThanksHunkyJesus · 18/08/2018 12:33

I would repeat over and over. I do not consent to a vaginal birth.

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