To ask for you urgent help / advice / tips - feeling very scared

[apartment23]

Name changed for this as feeling very, well, scared and sick.

DP (less of the dear as it turns out actually) has decided he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Heartbreaking doesn't begin to cut it but there we go.

What I'm feeling really scared and sick about (and the reason for the desperate post) is I am currently on maternity leave as we have a 6mo DD and I have absolutely no idea how I am going to support her.

I'm on statutory maternity pay. We rent our house off my parents. Our rent is about what I am receiving in income at the moment so obviously leaves me stuck with bills and food etc. we also have 2 cats.

DP doesn't know what he will be able to contribute when he goes so I can't rely on that.

I intended to take the full year off but appreciate that might have to change. DD is EBF and won't take a bottle so I guess I'm going to have to really work on getting her to take milk out of something and look into going back to work.

My desperate please help me question is - am I entitled to any help at all? Although my parents would literally give me the clothes off their back if they could they won't be able to afford the mortgage on this house without a rental income (we pay exactly what their mortgage costs) so if I can't make rent I'll have to leave.

I'm thinking I'm going to have to rehome my beloved cats - should I contact the rescue shelter we got them from? Would they even take them back?

If I can get any help at all with housing costs will I have to leave my home and move somewhere else? If I can't get any help - what will happen to us?

Sorry this is such a jumbled horrid post but I'm just feeling so sick and scared and am spouting whatever comes into my head. I don't even know where to begin feels like
My whole world is ending.

So sorry to read this. Has this just happened? There's lots and lots of help out there but first make sure you tell your parents and anyone else in real life to get their support. I'm sure your parents will do all they can to help.. Even a basket of groceries or buying nappies etc. Without getti g into the emotional / why side which is a whole other thing, from a practical point of view get yourself onto the entitled to website or to CAB. They'll give you advice. As to your STBEXH he won't have a choice about the minimum he can give.. Assuming you know his salary go. Into the CMS calculator and you can work it out but that is a minimum, and rarely represents a realistic 50% of costs.

There's a lot more you need too know but it's too much too soon. Get onto the relationship board on here.. Many of us have been where you are and there's loads of help available. For now, breathe, drink tea, eat if you can and tell your parents ASAP. Good luck lovely x

He needs to go. Apply immediately for maintenance. See what benefits you’re entitled to, ring Shelter to ask about housing benefit.

That’s very sad OP. I’m sorry to read that. You will be entitled to financial help as a lone parent. Do a search for benefits calculator to see what you could get. The moneysavingexpert website is quite good for this kind of stuff. Also providing your STBEx works, you will be entitled to maintenance based on his salary.

I would advise you to speak to your parents or maybe your friends to help you take all these steps. I know your head can be all jumbled up and it’s good to get help from somebody who can think more clearly.

And remember take one step at the time. Forget about trying to sort everything out all at once. First the financial side, then see if you can keep the house or if you need to downsize then if it’s feasible to keep your cats. Clearly you have support from your parents and they won’t let you suddenly end up on the street.

I wish you and your DD all the best. You’ll pull through!

You need to apply for housing benefit as soon as possible

Why does he not know what he can contribute? Is he the owner of a loss making business?

I think there is a website you can look up to see what benefits you're entitled to, you should get support.

If you're in a full service UC area, it's worth placing a claim online now as a single parent. You'll then be able to get an appointment for next week at your job centre.

As you're renting from your parents, you'll have to inform UC (if applies to you) that your landlords are relatives. I'm assuming you have a tenancy agreement?

If not in an UC area, you'll have to claim housing benefit from your local authority and claim legacy benefits.

Also, call Gingerbread. They have oodles of advice.

As hurtful as this is, you have to care for yourself and your LO.

Hi OP. Get yourself onto the Relationship board, loads of wonderful advice over there. You're in shock right now, so don't make any big decisions like getting rid of your cats.

As others said, housing benefit has to be your first financial priority. Talk to your parents as soon as you can.

If he is employed he doesn't get to decide whether he can afford to contribute. Find out what the minimum he should pay is according to the CMS. If he won't agree to at least that amount, apply via the CMS. He has a child too and has to support her.

Start looking at childcare options and informing work your coming back early.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and I could be wrong, but I don’t think you can claim housing benefit if you rent from a relative. No harm in asking though.

Have a look at this advice from Shelter.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I left my exH when my youngest was 13 months. Call jobcentre+, apply for income support, once you receive this, you can apply for council tax benefit, and housing benefit (you may not get it as you rent from family) Then call Tax Credits, and apply for single parent tax credit/working tax credit. You should then get surestart vouchers which will help with milk/fresh fruit and vegetables - its not a lot, but every bit helps.

Good luck 🤞🏻

Thank you all, really really appreciate it. I've made a list of the sources of information you've shared so I can make a start to see what I'm entitled to and I've arranged to go round and have a chat with my mum today.

Just can't believe this is happening

Housing benefit is not a guarantee but it is possible.
The important parts are that they live separately from you, you pay a commercial rent and you have a proper tenancy agreement.
If all these things are done then you are in with a chance.

Lottie You can claim housing benefit if you rent from a relative I did 2-3years back but you must provide a legal contract showing you pay them bank statements ect showing the money going to them and showing they don't send it right back

Could you move in with your parents for say a year until you get sorted? They could rent your place but only for a year.
Is there an extra room in the house that you could rent out? Its ok to keep a small baby in your room for a good length of time.

What an awful thing to happen to you - you are obviously in shock, reading your post. You need to take a deep breath and let it all sink in, and not rush into any hasty decisions regarding cats, moving from EBF to a bottle, rushing back to work etc etc.

This will all still be here next week, sadly, so give yourself time to let the shock subside a little.

If your DP is in work, then it's not up to him to decide what he can contribute - you need to go through formal channels.

Do you have any kind of formal tenancy agreement with your parents? You need some advice regarding the HB situation - a quick Google suggests that you CAN claim if they live elsewhere, which it sounds as though they do?

But don't panic - the benefits system is there to support people in your situation until you can get back on your feet. You won't be homeless and you WILL get through this.

Just give yourself a little time to get your head round it and to speak to the right agencies.

You need to be clear with your ex though, if this man is salaried or earns a living then he has a legal obligation to pay for his child. He has to give a certain percentage of his earnings. He then can spend the rest as he pleases. It's not down to whether he thinks he can afford it or not. That's not how it works.

Don't let him away with not supporting his child, get on to child support agency. He chooses to go, fine, but he must meet his legal obligations first and foremost.

We pay rent monthly for a separate house to my parents house. I think we have a tenancy agreement but DP will be on it and he's obviously leaving

Look at www.turn2us.org.uk. they have a benefits calculator.

You will get single adult discount on your council tax.

Perhaps your parents could negotiate with their mortgage company, reduced payments or a brief mortgage holiday, just to give you a breathing space till you get everything in place?

There is a website called Entitled To which will help with what benefits you will be able to claim. If the father is reluctant to pay for his child you can have his contributions taken directly from his salary.

It all looks black now, but you will get through this, and things will be brighter again after the storm, you'll see.

benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/AboutYou

That is a very accurate (give or take £50) benefits calculator. It will tell you if you'll get I'D or tax credits, how much you are entitled to and if you are entitled to any help with housing.

UC or tax credits not I'D