To ask for you urgent help / advice / tips - feeling very scared

[apartment23]

Name changed for this as feeling very, well, scared and sick.

DP (less of the dear as it turns out actually) has decided he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Heartbreaking doesn't begin to cut it but there we go.

What I'm feeling really scared and sick about (and the reason for the desperate post) is I am currently on maternity leave as we have a 6mo DD and I have absolutely no idea how I am going to support her.

I'm on statutory maternity pay. We rent our house off my parents. Our rent is about what I am receiving in income at the moment so obviously leaves me stuck with bills and food etc. we also have 2 cats.

DP doesn't know what he will be able to contribute when he goes so I can't rely on that.

I intended to take the full year off but appreciate that might have to change. DD is EBF and won't take a bottle so I guess I'm going to have to really work on getting her to take milk out of something and look into going back to work.

My desperate please help me question is - am I entitled to any help at all? Although my parents would literally give me the clothes off their back if they could they won't be able to afford the mortgage on this house without a rental income (we pay exactly what their mortgage costs) so if I can't make rent I'll have to leave.

I'm thinking I'm going to have to rehome my beloved cats - should I contact the rescue shelter we got them from? Would they even take them back?

If I can get any help at all with housing costs will I have to leave my home and move somewhere else? If I can't get any help - what will happen to us?

Sorry this is such a jumbled horrid post but I'm just feeling so sick and scared and am spouting whatever comes into my head. I don't even know where to begin feels like
My whole world is ending.

but I doubt he declares those earnings (a nagging point from me in our relationship) so not sure they would find them and take them into account.
They would if you report him.... And you can always hold that over him to get him to pay up...

Op try to think if there's any documentation relating to those extra earnings - even diary notes- and photograph it pronto

Apply to cms ASAP if possible get as much proof of his income as possible. DO NOT pre-warn him unless you can't access this proof. Have the cms min in your head when you discuss with him but don't tell him that either. Or he'll only offer that. His side jobs - I'd drop him right in it with hmrc on that soon as he moves out! They can check his expenditure and if it's 'commensurate with claimed income'. Get any proof you can of this, inc text messages, emails, diary notes...

www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

"just that until he finds somewhere else he won't know what spare income" that's arse backwards - he doesn't know what rent he can afford until he knows the MINIMUM he needs to pay in child support. Let him continue down this route and he could rent somewhere expensive and use it as an excuse to get you to accept less child support (or try to).

Dp - so assuming not married.

First go here

ucpostcode.entitledto.co.uk/ucdate

To check if you're UC or old benefits system.

www.entitledto.co.uk

I think (don't quote me) maternity pay would be treated like normal wage and reduce UC or affect old benefits in the same way. Just quickly checked doing a "dummy run" and entitledto calculator inc maternity pay in its calculations.

Also contact shelter - they're excellent on legalities, they should be able to advise on claiming housing costs while renting from parents.

May sound odd - but tell your hv, they are also pretty well informed on local charities, grants etc and for emotional support. They can also advise on getting baby to take a bottle.

Cancel/reduce as many bills as possible - council tax discount, anything you're paying that was only for his use (car ins, life assurance, premium tv etc) in fact if you've a joint account open your own account AT A DIFFERENT BANK.

Make sure he can't run up any debt you'd be jointly liable for. Any existing debt try to get frozen ASAP.

Ok well don't tell him unless he goes lower.that 152 a month. If he does, tell him.

I was where you are 15 years ago.

Differences - dd 2 and not bf, had to leave marital home as tied to exs job (army quarter) plus I was married so eventually got a divorce settlement (he fought it all the way took almost 4 years!)

But initially I was essentially homeless, unemployed single mother with no local support network and parents weren't much help.

If you hit ANY bureaucratic obstacles contact your local welfare rights office. They're usually council dept based in social services dept - don't let that alarm you, it's just that people involved with social services are usually having to negotiate tricky benefits red tape so use them most so they're officed together.

That's £164pcm way cms calculate it so that's your floor.

In scrub that, tell him the minimum legal requirement is 152 a month. Ask him if he can pay more. Much more. But make it clear that's the mimimum. I suspect as said he's going to try to wriggle out of this and try to stop you going formal.

Bluntness - remember that's not inc his sidelines, there's more money available possibly even going official route.

Honestly it's really annoyed me, walking out on your partner and six month old baby and flying a line of ill let you know what I can afford when I get settled.

What a piece of shit.

But I agree, he sounds type to try and wriggle out of it.

Op - I think something else you need to prepare yourself for is it doesn't sound like he'll maintain contact either.

Think your mum well and truly has his number!

Yes that's true graphista, but if it was cash in hand,,,

If you get a lodger, the income is tax free. Helped me out of a hole once!

Yea I know - it'll be hard to nail the bastard down to it!

But we don't know if he knows that yet.

Where do his parents live? Honestly in your position op I'd want him OUT ASAP!

I can't help with money or housing or anything like that. Just wanted to suggest trying a doidy cup with your baby

Yup, thankfully the government will nail him down on declared earnings.

Fucking off out of it when your child is six months old and your partner on maternity leave is shocking,

Have you got room for a lodger?

You can get Monday to Friday lodgers which could be great as they are gone for the weekend.

Or Air BandB? Even in unlikely locations people are always looking for places to stay for work. As long as you have a clean bedroom you could get at least £40 a night.

So sorry you are going through this, it is horrible.

Do you have a spare room that you could let to a lodger or AirBnB? I appreciate that a baby and a flatmate isn't a good mix, but it might be a way of getting some fast income.

Great minds, Diana!

Air BandB is really easy to set up. You can accept only women if you like.

Hi OP, could your parents apply for a couple of months mortgage break on your house until you get in your feet. I recommend that my patients who are hospitalised and can't work ask for this. Worth a shot. Take care.

He's a bastard. And he is legally obligated to support his child. I'd start with the CMS, tbh. He doesn't get to decide what he pays to support his child. Another twat who thinks the state should support his kid.

UC is stricter than the old system and the threshold for staying home with your child is much lower. It's also set up to encourage full-time employment.

Your parents should have landlord insurance. They need to look into whether there is any advice or financial support through that. There may well be, if you are able to move in with them for now. You only need a room, and they could probably rent the other house out at market rates.
everyone can save some money that way.

Are you in a universal credit area or not?

I suggest you visit Citizens Advice and ask them to run a few benefits calculations for you, they can do a “better off” calculation where they compare different scenarios eg taking a full year of maternity leave v going part to work part time etc.

As a PP said you can still take a full year of maternity leave and you dont even have to go back, you would get some benefits and they wouldn’t be generous but it’s enough to live frugally if that’s what you choose. If you do go back to work you should get some help towards childcare costs.

If you are able to get housing benefit while renting from your parents, they will need to check the conditions of their mortgage and insurance - sometimes they prohibit renting to benefit claimants